Argh You Garbage? | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

• 0:00 Cold open: the Army of Garbage Tour comes home to Gotham Comedy Club in New York on November 13, two shows.
• 0:20 The intro: find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
• 0:40 A family episode out back, and a big life decision: a Filet-O-Fish and a strawberry Fanta.
• 1:20 Kevin breaks the news for the audio listeners: H. Foley is wearing an eye patch, a drugstore one from CVS.
• 2:00 Rate, review, subscribe, and the Patreon.
• 2:20 The corneal abrasion: contacts slept in, a lot of eye drops, a fan by the bed and an urgent care in Brooklyn.
• 3:40 Five for five on the list of corneal abrasion causes.
• 4:15 A very Sopranos-esque ailment: “He hasn’t been the same since the corneal abrasion.”
• 4:45 Pain at a seven or eight, and the zinger for the Upper East Side eye doctor.
• 5:35 Sitting in the discomfort, and a speedy-recovery send-off that sounds like a retirement party.
• 6:10 700 episodes, counting Patreon, and never one with an eye patch.
• 6:35 Buying an eye patch as a kid: biking too far from home in the early ’90s, before wider turns and corner mirrors.
• 8:00 Candy cigarettes from Party Land, and the gum ones that blew powder.
• 8:30 An unsupervised Rite Aid run, the impulse-buy eye patch and a near wipeout on 2nd Street Pike by the Wawa.
• 9:30 Nearly stepping in front of a bus, and why you can’t do it on Park Avenue.
• 10:00 A lot going on: a tree guy and the house in the burbs. Rain, sleet, eye patch, they still show up.
• 11:20 A rare same-day release: Shark cuts it and uploads it from home.
• 12:00 How the Patreon mailbag works, plus Hard Feelings.
• 12:20 Soap operas always have a guy in an eye patch, and Rock Lobster on Delaware Ave.
• 13:00 The Philly accent, born in Wilkes-Barre and bred in Blue Bell, and the Flood of ’72.
• 13:45 “I need my mom”: taking the bus to Philadelphia and living within your means.
• 14:35 Questions begin, with an Escape from New York riff and Kurt Russell’s Chinatown movie.
• 15:15 The collared shirt that looks like a Genardi’s uniform.
• 15:50 Ultra sleep pouches read.
• 17:30 Undrdog read.
• 19:00 Question: teachers who eat the public school lunch instead of packing their own.
• 20:40 The warden doesn’t eat with Cell Block C, but cafeteria ladies are different.
• 22:35 The cool teachers never ate in line, and a public school that was like the Thunderdome.
• 23:20 Pizza, tater tots and a chocolate milk, then a classroom role-play: “Mr. Foley, what happened to your eye?”
• 25:00 Question: picking up side work from a high school teacher, paid in cash and once an NFL blanket.
• 26:10 Painting a coach’s house after graduation, and seeing the head coach on a house hunt at Blue Bell Country Club.
• 27:35 Out Run or Cruis’n USA? The little red convertible.
• 28:20 Catching the sixth-grade teacher painting a house: “It wasn’t me.”
• 28:45 School trips to Europe and New York, and the kid who never went.
• 29:40 The kid with the eye-patch excuse, and stories from the basement.
• 31:00 Redbeard, and why one of them would have made a good pirate.
• 31:40 Losing things: half an hour tearing the room apart.
• 32:00 Wardrobe notes: blue jeans, black jeans, and black socks versus white socks.
• 33:55 “He’s a Cosmo girl,” and the best-dressed guy at Genardi’s.
• 35:00 Closing a register lane with a line, and when someone taps you out.
• 35:50 The lost art of the grocery bagger, from Genardi’s to a Key Food on 190th and St. Nick.
• 38:15 HexClad read.
• 40:20 Cash App read.
• 42:10 Question: in the market for a fence. Is chain link garbage?
• 42:40 What fences cost by the linear foot.
• 43:30 A plastic privacy fence, and walking the plank.
• 44:15 New chain link is fine, like the coated kind at new ballparks.
• 45:20 Wood as the rarest thing in the universe, and salt as the end-times currency.
• 46:20 Salt wars, and going back in time with a long gun.
• 47:20 Ancient Egypt, gunpowder, and an ounce of salt worth an ounce of gold.
• 49:05 Drugs in ancient Egypt, and Roman wine cut with water.
• 49:35 Question: is it garbage to make sandwiches with the dinner rolls at a wedding?
• 50:30 Kaiser rolls, a quiet corner, and plated versus buffet.
• 51:40 Roll size, and King’s Hawaiian at a wedding.
• 52:20 Question: is it garbage to call microwaving “nuking”?
• 52:40 Is nuclear power clean? The waste problem and newer reactors.
• 53:40 A question from Andrew Murphy, and Bucks County yard signs.
• 54:15 The Bucks County docuseries, and the director of Rain Man and Diner, Barry Levinson.
• 55:20 Smear-campaign commercials, and their own attack ads.
• 56:00 “Can we run for office?” Comptroller, and reading the Amex statements.
• 56:55 Dressed like Colin Powell, and a submarine at the Intrepid.
• 57:40 Question: a 2-year-old with more teeth than you.
• 58:05 Looking for an Invisalign guy in New York.
• 58:50 Banana republics, kangaroo courts and Captain Kangaroo.
• 1:00:00 A traumatic injury, and a $20,000 eye bill joke.
• 1:00:40 Question: the trunk and the hood open at the same time.
• 1:01:15 Subwoofers in the trunk, and the Kottonmouth Kings.
• 1:01:50 A friend on the cover of High Times, and a Bob Burnquist deep cut.
• 1:02:50 Last question: $16 in Australian dollars, and USD jokes.
• 1:03:40 Will the eye bounce back? Pirate roles and an Austin Powers reboot.
• 1:04:55 Back to Andrew Murphy, and Irish names on the ballot.
• 1:05:10 Question: is it classy to only buy coffee that says Arabica?
• 1:06:20 Turning down a latte, and a lot of Sonic Youth.
• 1:07:00 The room tossed like a raid, and the lost item was in the bathroom.
• 1:07:20 Sign-off: see you in three days.

• 2:20 The eye patch — H. Foley records with a corneal abrasion and a drugstore eye patch, which turns into an hour of pirate jokes.
• 6:35 A Rite Aid eye patch at 7 — A childhood ride to a shopping center too far from home ends with an impulse-buy eye patch and no depth perception on 2nd Street Pike.
• 19:00 Teachers in the lunch line — A teacher who hasn’t paid for lunch in almost 10 years asks if that’s garbage. One host says you lose all respect; the other says cafeteria ladies are different.
• 35:50 A society of baggers — Grocery bagging used to be a free service. Now nobody bags, and offering to do it confuses the cashier.
• 42:10 Chain link and salt — A fence question turns into prices by the linear foot, coated chain link, and whether salt was ever worth its weight in gold.
• 54:15 Bucks County, USA — A Bucks County election chat leads to the Barry Levinson docuseries about the county’s political fights.

The Sopranos: The Complete Series (DVD) — A corneal abrasion gets called a very Sopranos-esque ailment. Amazon · Wikipedia 4:15

Bubble gum cigarettes, 24-count box — Like the gum cigarettes that blew powder, bought at Party Land as a kid. Amazon 8:10

The B-52’s (vinyl LP) — The 1979 debut with “Rock Lobster,” the song that comes up next to the Delaware Ave club. Amazon 12:40

Escape from New York (Blu-ray) — The eye-patch movie behind the “escape from this basement” riff. Amazon · Wikipedia 14:40

Big Trouble in Little China (Blu-ray) — The Kurt Russell “Chinatown one” they try to remember. Amazon · Wikipedia 14:55

Cruis’n USA (Nintendo 64) — The driving game with the little red car, after Out Run draws a blank. Amazon 28:00

Dickies Eisenhower jacket — Closest match to the Dickies jacket in a utilitarian wardrobe of jeans, socks and black T-shirts. Amazon 33:15

King’s Hawaiian Original Hawaiian Sweet Rolls — The small roll one of them likes for a quick sandwich. Serving them at a wedding is another problem. Amazon 51:50

Bucks County, USA (PBS) — The five-part Barry Levinson and Robert May docuseries about Bucks County politics. Official site 54:15

Rain Man (Anniversary Edition, Blu-ray) — Barry Levinson directed it and plays the doctor. Amazon · Wikipedia 54:45

Diner (Blu-ray) — The other Barry Levinson film they name. Amazon · Wikipedia 54:45

Sleepers (DVD) — Another Levinson film, and one they were just talking about. Amazon · Wikipedia 55:15

Good Morning, Vietnam (Blu-ray) — Named in the same Levinson run. Amazon · Wikipedia 55:15

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (DVD) — The reboot one-eyed H. could land, as a Barry Levinson spin-off. Amazon · Wikipedia 1:04:35

Kopi luwak civet coffee beans — The coffee from beans an animal eats and passes, which one of them would like to get his hands on. Amazon · Wikipedia 1:06:10

Corneal abrasion — A scratch on the eye’s surface, and the list of causes they read on air. Wikipedia 2:20

Candy cigarettes — The candy and gum versions sold to kids. Wikipedia 8:00

Hurricane Agnes — The 1972 storm behind the Susquehanna flood. Wikipedia 13:30

Out Run — Sega’s 1986 driving game with the red convertible. Wikipedia 27:45

Chain-link fencing — Garbage or fine? Fine if it’s new. Wikipedia 42:20

Salt — Wars fought over it, and the ounce-for-ounce gold story. Wikipedia 45:45

Radioactive waste — The storage problem that comes up in the nuclear power talk. Wikipedia 52:50

Banana republic — Where the phrase comes from. Wikipedia 58:55

Kangaroo court — Mixed up with Captain Kangaroo, then traced to 1841. Wikipedia · Captain Kangaroo 59:15

Kottonmouth Kings — The band one host wanted to be in, in seventh grade. Wikipedia 1:01:25

High Times — The magazine with a friend on the cover in a battle helmet. Wikipedia 1:01:55

Arabica coffee — Named for Arabia by mistake. The plant comes from Ethiopia. Wikipedia 1:05:15

Sonic Youth — What’s on the turntable in that room. Wikipedia 1:06:55

Gotham Comedy Club, New York City — Army of Garbage Tour, November 13, two shows. (Official site) 0:00

Upper East Side, Manhattan — Where the eye doctor gets the zinger. Wikipedia 5:05

Park Avenue, New York — Not the place to step in front of a bus. Wikipedia 9:45

Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania — Born in Wilkes-Barre. Wikipedia 13:20

Blue Bell, Pennsylvania — Bred in Blue Bell, and the country club where Toll Brothers built homes. Wikipedia 13:20

Washington Heights, Manhattan — The Key Food at 190th and St. Nicholas, where retired baggers worked for tips. Wikipedia 37:20

Bucks County, Pennsylvania — Yard signs, attack ads and the subject of the docuseries. Wikipedia 54:00

Intrepid Museum, New York — Home of the submarine in the mock war-hero ad. (Official site) 57:35

Ethiopia — Where Arabica coffee actually comes from. Wikipedia 1:06:05

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• 0:00 Are You Garbage — Every episode on YouTube, the Patreon with Hard Feelings, and the live-show calendar. AYG on YouTube · Patreon · Live shows · All Are You Garbage notes
• 0:00 American Garbage — The AYG special, free on YouTube. Watch on YouTube
• 14:40 Escape from New York (1981) — Kurt Russell as Snake Plissken, the eye patch the basement riff is built on. The Celeb List: Kurt Russell · Where to watch
• 14:55 Big Trouble in Little China (1986) — The Kurt Russell “Chinatown one.” Where to watch
• 45:45 The history of salt — Look up how salt shaped trade and wars, and whether it was ever really worth its weight in gold. History of salt on Wikipedia
• 54:15 Bucks County, USA — The five-part PBS docuseries from Barry Levinson and Robert May. Watch on PBS
• 54:45 Rain Man (1988) — Barry Levinson’s Best Picture winner with Dustin Hoffman, and his cameo as the doctor. The Celeb List: Dustin Hoffman · Where to watch
• 1:01:25 Kottonmouth Kings — The band one host wanted to join in seventh grade. Kottonmouth Kings on Wikipedia
• 1:02:35 Bob Burnquist — The skateboarding deep cut. Look up his mega ramp runs. Bob Burnquist on Wikipedia
• 1:06:10 Kopi luwak — The coffee made from beans a civet eats, and why it costs so much. Kopi luwak on Wikipedia
• 1:06:55 Sonic Youth — The band on the turntable in that room. Sonic Youth on Wikipedia