Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast · Show Notes
Back in the Basement!
Top Products & Affiliate Links
- 👖 The Perfect Jean — Code: GARBAGE15 (15% off)
- 🛒 Shopify — $1/month trial
- 🍕 Franzone's Pizza — Conshohocken, PA
- 🍦 Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie
- 🍦 Turkey Hill Chocolate Chip Ice Cream
Best Quotes Preview
- ⭐ "You killed my dog!" — H. Foley
- ⭐ "Chicken so good you'll answer an application." — Kevin Ryan
- ⭐ "Two scoops. What am I, a bowl of raisin bran?" — H. Foley
- Dysfunctional-but-loving family dynamics
- Blue-collar mall stories and suburban dad life
- Patreon garbage debates (plungers, buckets, baking sheets)
10+Products
20+People
25+Topics
7Patreon Q&As
1.
Episode Overview
The hosts are literally back in Foley's basement after flood and leak damage wrecked their newer studio — and they lean into the chaos with stories about insurance games, Easter candy atrocities, a deeply anxious mall massage, and suburban dad problems. They mix two sponsor reads with personal stories that run the full range from Uber Eats ice cream emergencies to plunger placement philosophy.
The back half shifts into Patreon "Are You Garbage?" questions, where Kevin and Foley debate baking sheets vs. cookie sheets, appropriate plunger storage, orange Home Depot buckets as trash cans, faking pink eye at work, and the legitimacy of a hands-free steering alignment test. It's a pure family episode — no outside guest — and one of their most relaxed, story-driven installments.
Flooded studio & basement comeback
Foley's mom Patty & Easter candy
Mall massage saga at Serene Blue
Suburban homeowner problems
Everyday class markers & kitchen gear
Patreon garbage hypotheticals
2.
Top Quotes & Soundbites
"
You killed my dog!
H. Foley · ~00:28:10 · Combat/service dog emotional riff
"
Chicken so good you'll answer an application.
Kevin Ryan · ~01:01:40 · On loving Wings To Go so much you end up working there
"
Two scoops. What am I, a bowl of raisin bran?
H. Foley · ~00:09:00 · On Patty's inadequate ice cream portioning
"
You leave it there so the other ones know. There's a wolf in the house.
Kevin Ryan · ~00:55:00 · On skid marks as dominance display
"
This is comedy purposes and we're on a comeback.
H. Foley · ~00:14:50 · Justifying indulgent Uber Eats order while down 75 pounds
"
I was nine doing structural work. No permit.
H. Foley · ~00:30:40 · On building childhood forts
"
I should be one huge pink eye.
H. Foley · ~00:34:50 · On his poop-adjacent lifestyle
3.
Timestamp Directory
00:00:00
Back on the Block tour & leak setup ★Road dates + basement flood announcement
00:01:15
Aunt Tooty's slip-and-fall insurance play Neck brace waiting for the adjuster
00:04:05
Basement jammed up & G.I. Joe toys at risk Steam cleaning, sanding, hopes for one-time basement ep
00:06:00
Crisis eating & neighbors' gift baskets Emotional eating, expecting community support
00:07:40
Patty, Easter candy bowl from hell & Franzone's Pizza ★Black licorice jelly beans, pill candies, sweet pie pickup
00:10:10
Ice cream fight: two scoops vs man-sized servings NCIS together, portion battle with Patty
00:12:30
Turkey Hill & Uber Eats Ben & Jerry's rescue Ordering a pint + French toast sizzly to meet minimum
00:16:00
Hidden Easter candy & candy as bear bait Patty's suspected decoy candy bowl theory
00:17:46
AD: The Perfect Jean ★Code GARBAGE15 · 15% off · stretchy yoga-ready denim
00:19:16
AD: Shopify & AYG merch $1/month trial · shopify.com/garbage
00:20:39
Tampa weekend recap & pre-trip stress Mostly sold-out shows; Friday loosened things up
00:24:00
Mall massage saga: Serene Blue, Oxford Valley Mall ★Service dogs, sting fears, empty mall, closed doors
00:31:00
Inside the massage & "please keep underwear on" sign Hot-stone treatment, heavy tip, joke about next time
00:36:00
Diarrhea on the plane & Zapbound side effects AirPods "defragging" his brain; weight-loss drug blame
00:41:00
Patreon family episode announcement Q&A mode begins; join Patreon to get on air
00:43:30
Baking sheet vs cookie sheet vs sheet pan ★Nicholas asks; ridged vs flat; "cookie sheet" = trashy/nostalgic
00:47:40
Old kitchen gear & sentimental bowls 40-year-old utensils; silver mixing bowls Foley won't give up
00:53:10
Plunger placement & skid-mark etiquette Main bath vs garage; toilet brush debate; wolf in the house
00:57:40
Pink eye faking & self-inflicted infections Faking illness to leave shifts; cart duty backfire
01:02:20
Takeout container hierarchy: styrofoam vs foil Wings To Go styrofoam; tinfoil ducks = high-end
01:05:50
Orange Home Depot buckets, tool caddies & steering test ★Bucket as bathroom trash; alignment test; broken headphones; sign-off
4.
People Mentioned
Co-Host / Primary Storyteller
H. Foley
New York–based stand-up comic. Drives the basement flood story, Patty visits, mall massage saga, treehouse debate, and most Patreon answers.
Co-Host
Kevin Ryan
Stand-up comic. Reads Patreon questions, riffs on class markers, challenges Foley's logic, and adds his own home/family experiences.
Foley's Mom
Patty
Central to the Easter candy and ice cream segments. Sets out a candy bowl of "black licorice jelly beans and pill-like candies." Watches NCIS and David Muir nightly.
Foley's Aunt
Aunt Tooty
Her slip-and-fall lawsuit settlement funded the studio addition. Now jokingly depicted lying in a neck brace to maximize the leak insurance claim.
Foley's Wife / Partner
Denise
Lives in the suburbs (the Burb). Mentioned in the treehouse planning discussion and tree work consultation. Jokingly accused of "red-pilling" Patty via Jesse Watters.
Foley's Child
Kip
The treehouse debate centers on building something for him in their backyard. Foley wrestles with DIY vs. hiring a pro to give Kip a better experience than he had.
Producer / Crew
Luke
On the couch in the basement, helps with new equipment. Confirms "sheet pan" as the correct term during the baking sheet debate.
Producer / Crew
Diesel
Tech side of the operation; working on equipment upgrades; laughs along with bits throughout the episode.
Historical Figure / Quoted
John Adams
"I study war and politics so my children can study poetry and music." Invoked by Foley in the treehouse debate to justify giving Kip a better life than he had.
Patreon Member
Nicholas
Asked the baking sheet vs. cookie sheet question that spiraled into 15 minutes of kitchen gear sentimentality.
Patreon Member
Trash Bandicoot
Asked if using an orange Home Depot bucket as a bathroom trash can is garbage. (It is — in a finished bathroom.)
Patreon Member
Roy E. Emson
Asked about headphones that only work when the wire is bent at a specific angle — triggering the cheap earbuds vs. Apple EarPods debate.
5.
Sponsors & Products
The Perfect Jean
Foley's personal pitch: after losing weight, his old jeans had a "saggy butt" problem. These stretch denim jeans are yoga-ready, move with you, and come in 6 fits — 26–50 inch waists, up to 38" inseam, 5,000+ fit combos. "F*%k your khakis."
Shopify
Powers the AYG merch store. Supports product lines, sales, free shipping, multiple images, and email/social campaigns. 24/7 support. The hosts position it as the platform for side-hustlers selling "wood products, paintings — whatever you got."
$1/MONTH TRIAL
shopify.com/garbage
6.
Stories & Anecdotes
Personal
Patty's Easter Candy Bowl from Hell
Foley visits his mom Patty before Easter, dog-sits his "dog niece," and finds her candy bowl filled with black licorice jelly beans, all-spice candies, and pill-shaped pieces that look like medication or dog treats. He thanks her for Franzone's pizza and tries to pivot to ice cream — only to find a tragically insufficient supply.
Parents' tastes and thriftiness clash with adult children's expectations, turning every family food ritual into a comedic battle.
Personal
Mall Massage at Serene Blue
Desperate for a massage before Tampa, Foley rejects strip-mall options and ends up at Serene Blue in Oxford Valley Mall. The mall is nearly empty. Service dogs are in training nearby. He fears a sting operation, worries bomb-sniffing dogs will alert on him, and nervously enters to find one woman mopping a vast, dark space — before receiving a legitimate hot-stone massage with a coarse-handed therapist.
Anxiety about appearing sleazy can be more intense than reality. Not every awkward or cheap setting is a trap.
Cautionary
Gas Vent Poop Fountain in the Front Yard
A vent related to the gas or sewer line in their front yard ends up spewing toilet paper and waste onto the lawn due to a plumbing error — in full view of neighbors.
Flushing the wrong things (paper towels, etc.) causes embarrassing, public problems. Systems matter.
Success
Tampa Special & Sold-Out Weekend
Despite pre-trip stress and early diarrhea complications, their Tampa special taping mostly sells out. Foley loosened up after the first Friday show and they celebrate a strong run — with only a few light back-row seats on Thursday.
Professional performance can succeed even through personal discomfort. The audience shows up when you do.
7.
Key Concepts & Ideas
The "Garbage Behavior" Rating System
Throughout
The show's core premise applied in real-time: rating everyday habits as "garbage" or not based on how working-class, low-class, or just authentically trashy they feel — while still affectionately embracing them. Home Depot buckets as trash cans. Black licorice jelly beans. Faking pink eye. Eating ice cream while watching NCIS. Each gets judged.
Class Markers in the Kitchen
00:43:30–00:52:30
"Cookie sheet" vs. "baking sheet" vs. "sheet pan" becomes a proxy for upbringing and class. The condition of your pans signals both sentimentality and frugality. Keeping a 50-year-old stained pan isn't laziness — it's identity. Luke settles it: "sheet pan" is the technical term, "cookie sheet" is the Patty term.
DIY vs. Pro-Built: Giving Your Kid a Better Life
00:28:40–00:31:30
Foley debates whether to build Kip a rough DIY fort with scrounged materials (his own childhood experience) or hire a company to build a real treehouse. He invokes John Adams to justify leveling up — "I study war so my kids can study poetry." Ryan challenges whether that removes the magic of the DIY experience.
Takeout Container as Class Signal
01:02:20–01:05:10
The hierarchy, roughly: tinfoil duck shape (peak high-end leftover) → black plastic with clear lid → cardboard hot-bar box → styrofoam. Styrofoam has been "trashy" since the 1990s environmentally, but Foley defends its heat retention and nostalgia. Wings To Go styrofoam that melts under hot wings = bottom tier.
Steering Alignment Test
01:05:10–01:05:50
Letting go of the wheel on a highway to see if the car drifts — used as a DIY alignment diagnostic. Considered textbook garbage behavior: ignores formal safety checks, creates real danger, but is universally relatable. Foley: "I'm in a constant state of chaos."
8.
Action Items & Takeaways
Quick Win
Upgrade from frayed deli headphones to wired Apple EarPods (~$18). Stop bending the jack.
Quick Win
Ask your parents if they have a "decoy" candy bowl — and where the real stash is.
Habit
Use a toilet brush immediately on fresh marks. Don't leave it hoping to "pee it off later."
Habit
Store your plunger out of sight in the main bathroom. Fine for the garage bath. Unacceptable in the family main.
Habit
Evaluate roof safety before climbing up with beers. Future-you will curse present-you mid-fall.
Major Undertaking
Schedule professional tree work for any large, old trees near where your kids play.
Major Undertaking
Decide: DIY treehouse (authentic, rough) or hire a pro (safer, better)? Don't leave the kid with nothing.
Habit
Stop faking injuries at work. They just reassign you to cart duty. Not worth it.
9.
Media Referenced
TV Drama
NCIS
Donald P. Bellisario · CBS · Foley and Patty watch it while eating ice cream — "comfort viewing."
Watch on Amazon →
Special
Route 66 — AYG Comedy Special
Kevin Ryan & H. Foley · Promoted in episode description; recommended for new listeners.
Watch on YouTube →
TV News
ABC World News Tonight
David Muir · Patty's standard nightly news, which signals "ice cream time" afterward.
Film (Implied)
The Hurt Locker
Kathryn Bigelow · Referenced as "hurt locker dogs" — combat/service dog re-acclimation metaphor.
Watch on Amazon →
Playlist
10.
Best Clip Opportunities
1
The Perfect Jean Transformation
"These jeans are so comfy you'll forget you're wearing them — F*%k your khakis."
00:17:46–00:19:16 · Clothing / Lifestyle · Code: GARBAGE15
2
Shopify & the Trash-to-Business Pipeline
"From bozo to business owner — this is the platform they used."
00:19:16–00:20:39 · Small Business / SaaS
3
Franzone's Pizza & Ice Cream Standoff
"When your mom's 'ice cream at home' turns into an Uber Eats emergency."
00:08:30–00:09:40 · Food / Grocery · Ben & Jerry's + Turkey Hill links
4
Mall Massage at Serene Blue
"This is what happens when you book a mall massage before a big weekend."
00:24:00–00:27:20 · Wellness · Pivot to massage gun affiliate links
5
Takeout Container Hierarchy Debate
"What your takeout containers say about you." Classic comment-bait.
01:02:20–01:03:40 · Kitchen / Home · Pivot to reusable meal prep containers
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