Philosophy | Public Figures – A Nateland Podcast | Ep #32

• 0:00 Welcome in on a 94-degree Nashville day: Dusty loves the heat, the dead-grass crunch, and the threat of a scorpion.
• 2:35 Cars with no air conditioning: Dusty’s 1984 Bronco II and the Saturn vent full of baking soda.
• 4:28 Who likes what heat, plus a plug for Wet Heat and a brand-new joke about people who love eating outside.
• 4:55 How comics title jokes on a set list, and why a set list can look insane.
• 5:55 Taped a week early for Labor Day, so the Frank Caliendo episode is already out.
• 6:35 Opening for Jonnie W.’s special taping at the Bijou in Knoxville and the 75-inch confidence monitor.
• 8:46 Rik Roberts and Adam Bush on the taping, then Dusty’s outdoor city show in Hobbs, New Mexico.
• 9:50 Two high school football games, a generator by the stage, and loud trucks behind it.
• 11:00 Paco the porta-potty man, fried burritos at Casey’s, and porta-potty versus porta-john.
• 12:15 What to call a bathroom trip, from potty to tinkle.
• 13:05 Stars, an eclipse joke, and cigars outside the safe bar while young people cry in the parking lot.
• 14:28 Wayfair read: the bench in Aaron’s guest room.
• 16:15 Adam Bush’s first outdoor show and his lost backpack, and Dusty’s Denver connection.
• 17:32 Aaron’s weekend at the Desert Ridge Improv in 114-degree Phoenix, and the plan to paint the roads white.
• 19:05 A haboob between shows, and Dusty’s old Uber-driver joke.
• 20:25 A drunk heckler gets thrown out and asks for her Louis Vuitton bag.
• 22:20 A phone ringtone plays “Bad Day” in a quiet moment, and nobody got the video.
• 23:05 A Philly comic’s first Walmart, an Italian deli that shares his name, and a Grand Canyon flash flood.
• 25:10 Phoenix as a favorite comedy city, the Tempe Improv, and a standing ovation at Zanies Chicago that hasn’t happened yet.
• 26:40 Who is America’s most beloved entertainer now? Dolly Parton, Keanu Reeves, Jelly Roll, and Carol Burnett.
• 28:45 An IMDb list of universally loved celebrities: Betty White, Conan O’Brien, Tom Hanks, and Robin Williams.
• 29:30 Who counts for a Mount Rushmore of Tennesseans: Elvis, Peyton Manning, Pat Summitt, Andrew Jackson, and Davy Crockett.
• 30:40 Favorability polls: Dolly at 77%, Morgan Freeman at 85%, and his dinosaur special on Jimmy Fallon.
• 31:45 The hosts’ own picks: Nate, Jelly Roll, Dave Ramsey, Al Gore, Tina Turner, Samuel L. Jackson, and Oprah.
• 33:20 Peyton Manning, Davy Crockett, Taylor Swift, and Leanne Morgan as Tennessee’s next beloved southern lady.
• 34:40 Paula Deen’s family-style restaurant and Monell’s in Germantown.
• 36:00 Square read: up to $200 off hardware, and the merch table on Nate’s tour.
• 38:10 Comments: a listener who says the 2005 episode missed Fall Out Boy, The Killers, and Gorillaz.
• 38:55 The 2005 Billboard year-end chart: “Hollaback Girl,” “Gold Digger,” “Candy Shop,” and “Mr. Brightside.”
• 41:20 “Over and Over,” Brad Paisley and LL Cool J, and the favor Brad never did.
• 43:30 A listener deployed in Iraq for all of 2005 thanks the guys for filling him in.
• 44:15 Zoe Rose says Brian pronounces “oi” words funny: soil, point, and oil.
• 46:10 “Ball Boy Bates” and Brian’s White Sox first-pitch offer that turned out to be for kids.
• 48:38 Sarah Nystad on why country kids didn’t ride bikes: nowhere to go.
• 49:45 Schwinn, Mongoose, and Murray, the bike company that went bankrupt in 2005.
• 52:05 The Luke Bryan cornfield song isn’t that bad, and Josh Turner.
• 52:50 The Ultra Pouch ad-read laugh, and why Brian never dipped: Big League Chew, Levi Garrett, Red Man, and Day’s Work.
• 53:57 A comment calls Brian too sensitive, and the Nashville Scene funniest-comic award resurfaces.
• 57:00 Dipping in church, cowboy church, Catholic reverence, and crying rooms.
• 59:52 A listener praises Aaron’s Brian Regan impression, then the board game Clue.
• 1:01:50 Comedy Gold launched the same day Aaron Rodgers waited in the green room; darkness retreats.
• 1:03:50 Sleep paralysis dreams, CPAP masks, and mouth tape.
• 1:06:55 A comment says two grown men shouldn’t need GPS to drive home.
• 1:08:10 Warby Parker read: virtual try-on and 20% off additional pairs.
• 1:09:40 If a robot could do anything for you, where do you draw the line?
• 1:13:15 Robot massages, haircuts, teeth brushing, yard work, and slip-on shoes.
• 1:16:30 The philosophy topic: Dusty’s love of the Socratic method and Will Durant’s The Story of Philosophy.
• 1:20:00 Aaron minored in philosophy and failed Intro to Logic twice.
• 1:21:00 Ethos read: life insurance.
• 1:22:20 Zeno and Parmenides: motion is an illusion, and the slap across the table.
• 1:25:40 The Achilles paradox, told as a swimming race with coffee cups.
• 1:28:55 Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle, and the Socratic method.
• 1:30:00 A passage from Plato on democracy, then the allegory of the cave and the theory of forms.
• 1:34:32 Homer came centuries earlier, and how “homer” became a sports insult.
• 1:36:15 Aristotle’s metaphysics: what makes a pen a pen, substance versus accidental properties.
• 1:39:45 The same idea explains rooting for a college team over a pro team.
• 1:41:00 Change as potential becoming actual, and Aristotle’s first mover.
• 1:42:10 Thomas Aquinas, the “dumb ox,” and the five proofs for the existence of God.
• 1:44:15 Augustine, and whether it’s bad to make yourself cry with happy-tears videos.
• 1:46:50 Searching for Bobby Fischer, chess with a daughter, and an eccentric uncle in Kodak.
• 1:49:20 Are comedians philosophers? A plug for We’re Having a Good Time.
• 1:50:18 “I think, therefore I am”: Matthew Tate’s album joke and Descartes in a dark room.
• 1:52:35 Is this all a simulation? Berkeley, the tree in the forest, and the empty restaurant that suddenly fills up.
• 1:54:40 The most famous quotes ever, from “I am not a crook” to “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
• 1:56:30 From a 1951 Simon & Schuster book to Dusty’s, and life in 75 years.
• 1:57:00 If your life were a simulation, would you want to wake up? The Matrix steak scene.
• 1:58:55 Morpheus and Neo as grown-up versions of the chess prodigies in Searching for Bobby Fischer.
• 1:59:40 Wrap-up, a call for a part two on Spinoza, and tour dates.
• 2:02:08 Nateland Presents at the Woolworth Theatre on October 18, and the closing song.

Hobbs, New Mexico

Dusty played a free outdoor show for the city of Hobbs while staying at the Zia Park Casino. Two high school football games kept the crowd down, a generator made it hard to hear the audience, and loud trucks rolled by behind the stage. A local named Paco drove him around town and took him to Casey’s for fried burritos and taquitos. Adam Bush opened his first outdoor show, after a night without sleep and a backpack left in a rental car. 8:46

Phoenix heat and a haboob

Aaron spent the weekend at the Desert Ridge Improv with Connor Larson, in 114-degree heat with a rental car reading 129. A proposal to paint Phoenix’s roads white to cool the city by one or two degrees splits the table. A haboob rolled through between shows, a drunk woman being thrown out asked for her Louis Vuitton bag, and a phone ringtone played “Bad Day” at the worst possible moment. 17:32

A Mount Rushmore of Tennesseans

Online debates about America’s most beloved entertainer lead to who belongs on a Tennessee Mount Rushmore. Do you have to be born there? Elvis, Peyton Manning, and Oprah all came from somewhere else. The candidates include Dolly Parton, Pat Summitt, Davy Crockett, Andrew Jackson, Tina Turner, Taylor Swift, Jelly Roll, Dave Ramsey, Nate, and Leanne Morgan as the next beloved southern lady. A poll puts Dolly at 77% favorability and Morgan Freeman at 85%. 26:40

Hits of 2005

A comment about the 2005 episode sends the guys to the Billboard year-end chart: Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl,” Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone,” Kanye West’s “Gold Digger,” 50 Cent’s “Candy Shop,” Mariah Carey at number one, The Killers’ “Mr. Brightside,” Snoop Dogg’s only number one, Green Day, and Nelly and Tim McGraw’s “Over and Over.” 38:10

Bikes, dip, and church

A listener explains why country kids didn’t ride bikes: the nearest friend was miles down a gravel road. That leads to Schwinn, Mongoose, and Murray, which really did go bankrupt in 2005. Brian never dipped, only Big League Chew, while the others list the brands their relatives used. A listener asks about dipping in church, and the answers range from cowboy church to Catholic reverence. 48:38

Robots and the automated life

A comment clarifies Brian’s question from last week: if a robot could do anything for you, where do you stop? The guys sort chores they’d hand off, like mowing, mulching, unloading the dishwasher, and weed eating, from things nobody needs help with, like baths and brushing teeth. Robot massages and haircuts come up, and Dusty would wear lace-up shoes if a robot tied them. 1:09:40

Zeno’s paradoxes

Aaron opens with Zeno and his teacher Parmenides, who said motion is an illusion. To slap Brian across the table, Dusty’s hand would first have to get halfway, then halfway again, forever. In the Achilles paradox, acted out with coffee cups as a swimming race, the faster swimmer can never pass the one with a head start. 1:22:25

Plato’s cave and the forms

Socrates taught Plato and Plato taught Aristotle. Dusty reads a passage his wife marked in Durant on democracy’s weakness. Aaron explains the allegory of the cave: prisoners who only see shadows, and the one who breaks free and can’t make the others understand. That illustrates Plato’s theory of forms, like a perfect circle every drawn circle falls short of. 1:30:00

Aristotle and the pen

Aaron’s favorite philosopher gets the pen test. The pen’s color, material, place, and time could all change and it would still be a pen, so those are accidental properties and “penness” is its substance. The same idea is behind Aaron’s argument that college teams make more sense to root for than pro teams. Durant’s chapter on Aristotle’s metaphysics leads to the first mover. 1:36:15

Aquinas, Descartes, and the simulation

Thomas Aquinas, mocked as a “dumb ox,” built Aristotle’s framework into the five proofs for God. Descartes shut himself in a dark room to rebuild the world from scratch and started with “I think, therefore I am.” Berkeley’s idea that things exist only when perceived becomes the tree in the forest and the empty restaurant that fills up the minute you sit down. 1:42:10

Would you leave the Matrix?

Aaron’s closing question: if your life were a simulation, would you wake up or finish it out? Dusty brings up Cypher’s steak scene in The Matrix, Brian would stay put, and Aaron would wake up but go back in knowing. Dusty notices that Laurence Fishburne appears in both Searching for Bobby Fischer and The Matrix, both stories about gifted kids who wake up. 1:57:00

Nate Bargatze tour Official site · Nateland merch shop Official site

The Story of Philosophy by Will Durant — the 1951 printing Dusty’s wife marked up. Amazon 1:18:18

Summa Theologica by Thomas Aquinas — the place to start if you want Aquinas. Amazon 1:43:28

Searching for Bobby Fischer — rewatched and now one of a host’s favorite movies. Amazon 1:46:54

The Matrix — the steak scene and the simulation question. Amazon 1:57:05

Clue — an underrated board game. Amazon 1:01:37

Big League Chew — the closest Brian ever came to dipping. Amazon 53:28

Mongoose bike — a host’s childhood bike. Amazon 50:00

Schwinn bike — you can’t ride one on gravel. Amazon 49:40

Chess set — for teaching a daughter to play. Amazon 1:47:30

I Drink, Therefore I Am by Matthew Tate — the comedy album named after Descartes. Official site 1:50:40

Cities and regions

Nashville, Tennessee — 94 degrees on taping day, and home of the Mount Rushmore debate. 0:30

Knoxville, Tennessee — the Jonnie W. special taping. 6:40

Hobbs, New Mexico — Dusty’s outdoor city show. 8:46

Denver — a tight connection on the way to Hobbs. 17:10

Phoenix, Arizona — 114 degrees, white-road talk, and a haboob. 17:32

Scottsdale, Arizona — the Italian deli stop. 24:12

Grand Canyon — a skipped trip after a flash flood. 24:50

Orlando, Florida — Aaron’s second-favorite comedy town. 26:00

Savannah, Georgia — where Paula Deen is from. 34:48

Iraq — where a listener spent all of 2005. 43:30

Montgomery, Alabama — bike rides down to the river. 51:41

Lebanon, Tennessee — the one-route hometown in the GPS debate. 1:07:28

Gatlinburg · Pigeon Forge · Sevierville · Kodak — the road to the eccentric uncle’s house. 1:48:30

Conroe, Texas · Birmingham, Alabama — Aaron’s tour stops. 2:00:40

Charleston · Columbus · Louisville · Canton · Cincinnati · Raleigh — Brian’s tour stops. 2:00:56

Comedy clubs and venues

Bijou Theatre — the Knoxville taping. 6:45

Zia Park Casino — Dusty’s hotel in Hobbs. 9:15

Desert Ridge Improv (Official site) — Aaron’s Phoenix weekend. 17:35

Tempe Improv (Official site) — the Phoenix-area club that bumped one host because another was in town. 26:07

Zanies Chicago (Official site) — a sold-out show reported from the future. 26:26

Orlando Funny Bone (Official site) — Aaron on September 17, and Brian on October 7. 2:00:40

Riot Comedy Club (Official site) — Aaron in Conroe, Texas. 2:00:42

Stardome Comedy Club (Official site) — Aaron in Birmingham, October 1. 2:00:48

Theatre 99 — Brian in Charleston. 2:00:56

Commonwealth Comedy Club (Official site) — Brian’s two shows in Cincinnati, October 3, including an all-ages show. 2:01:51

Goodnights Comedy Club (Official site) — Brian in Raleigh, October 8. 2:02:10

Woolworth Theatre — Nateland Presents on October 18 in Nashville. 2:02:15

Businesses and teams

Casey’s — the old-school Hobbs joint with fried burritos. 11:25

Walmart — a Philly comic’s first visit, and Murray’s biggest customer. 23:50

Chipotle — lunch on landing in Phoenix. 23:45

Monell’s — family-style dining in Germantown. 35:25

Chicago White Sox — the first-pitch offer that was really for kids. 47:10

Murray — bikes and Walmart mowers, bankrupt in 2005. 50:16

Nashville Scene — the funniest-comic award. 55:25

Boise State — blue turf, compared to white roads. 18:45

Cracker Barrel — the peg game. 1:47:55

• Dusty Slay: Wet Heat (house plug) (4:28) — Dusty’s special, “available now on Netflix,” at netflix.com; no code.
• Wayfair (14:28) — Home furniture; Aaron shows the bench his wife bought for the guest room. Wayfair Rewards members get 5% back on every purchase at wayfair.com; no code.
• Square (36:00) — Payments and point-of-sale; up to $200 off Square hardware at square.com/go/nate.
• Warby Parker (1:08:10) — Glasses, contacts, and eye exams with virtual try-on; buy one pair and get 20% off additional pairs at warbyparker.com/nateland.
• Ethos (1:21:04) — Online life insurance, up to $3 million in coverage with no medical exam, at ethos.com/nateland; no code.
• We’re Having a Good Time (house plug) (1:49:25) — Dusty’s podcast and his Simon & Schuster book, out November 10 (mentioned again at 1:56:30); no code.
• Tour dates (house plug) (2:00:30) — Aaron: Orlando Funny Bone September 17, Riot Comedy Club in Conroe, and the Stardome in Birmingham on October 1 at aaronwebercomedy.com. Brian: Theatre 99 Charleston September 10, Columbus September 11, Louisville September 12, a free show in Canton September 25, Commonwealth Comedy Club Cincinnati October 3, Orlando Funny Bone October 7, and Goodnights Raleigh October 8.
• Nateland Presents (house plug) (2:02:08) — A half-hour taping October 18 at the Woolworth Theatre in Nashville with Mike James and Mark Chalifoux; tickets on sale. Also Nate’s tour and the Nateland merch shop.