Ari Shaffir – Harland Highway Podcast

By /
🔗 Harland Williams🔗 Ari Shaffir
Podcast name: Harland Highway Podcast Episode title: ARI SHAFFIR returns and it goes OFF THE RAILS fast! World travel, guinea pig dinners and more!! YouTube URL: https://youtu.be/JlVRVF9GCSo TRUE video duration: 1:41:12 Last transcript timestamp used: 01:41:08 Transcript status: ✅ Full

1. QUICK REFERENCE BOX

2. EPISODE OVERVIEW

  • Episode: ARI SHAFFIR returns and it goes OFF THE RAILS fast! World travel, guinea pig dinners and more!! (Episode [UNKNOWN — TO BE FILLED IN])

  • Host: Harland Williams — Comedian, actor, and host of the Harland Highway. Wikipedia

  • Guest: Ari Shaffir — Standup comedian, podcaster, and world traveler. Wikipedia

  • Approximate duration: 1:41:12

  • Summary: Comedian Ari Shaffir returns to the Harland Highway following an expansive seven-month journey through Latin America and beyond. The two dive into unhinged travel stories covering perilous bus rides, eating guinea pigs and bird fetuses, and the life-altering benefits of stepping out of your comfort zone to embrace unfamiliar cultures.

  • Key Themes:

    • The universal language of humor in foreign countries.

    • Eating exotic and culturally specific foods (guinea pig, cow heart, unhatched birds).

    • The allure and thrill of dangerous travel situations.

    • The profound shift in perspective gained from interacting with locals globally.

    • Independent media creation and taking comedy distribution into one’s own hands.

3. TIMESTAMP DIRECTORY

  • [00:00:00] — Intro & Wingman Promo — Harland promotes his new movie Wingman.

  • [00:02:16] — Show Intro & Glasses — Banter about glasses, physical ailments, and Home Depot parking lots.

  • [00:05:40] — The Schweppes Debate — Harland grills Ari about his specific preference for Schweppes.

  • [00:10:53] — Marital Arts — Harland pitches a new combat style for married couples.

  • [00:12:03] — Ari Shaffir Introduction & Awards — Discussing Ari’s podcast and Harland winning “Guest of the Year.”

  • [00:19:33] — Ari’s Latin American Trip — Ari breaks down his 7+ month journey through Mexico down to Argentina.

  • [00:23:53] — The Death Road — Discussing the treacherous and fatal transportation routes in Bolivia and Ecuador.

  • [00:32:27] — Universal Humor Overseas — How “wife” and fart noises transcend language barriers. ⭐

  • [00:39:04] — Inaccurate Movies — Harland complains about The Bear movie substituting a desert tortoise in the mountains.

  • [00:47:12] — Medellín Drug Dealer Story — Ari describes almost getting extorted by a “shrimp” drug dealer.

  • [00:54:03] — Eating Unhatched Bird Fetuses — Ari explains his experience consuming balut in Cambodia. ⭐

  • [00:57:42] — Eating Guinea Pigs — The revelation of eating cooked guinea pigs in the Andes. ⭐

  • [01:04:36] — Driving in Cairo — Escaping traffic via oncoming lanes in Egypt.

  • [01:08:33] — The Importance of Travel — Why stepping out of the comfort zone is crucial for the soul.

  • [01:13:13] — Duct Tape Flip Flops — Ari’s struggle to find size 11.5 shoes in Southeast Asia.

  • [01:21:04] — The Superglued Boots — Harland’s story about gluing cowboy boots to the Eiffel Tower.

  • [01:23:58] — Natural Souvenirs — Collecting pieces of the Roman Coliseum and Egyptian Pyramids.

  • [01:34:13] — Face Failure & Dog Boy — Reaching into the wooden shoe triggers a wild story about a deformed local in the Amazon.

  • [01:37:20] — Ari’s New TV Show “The End” — Reclaiming his storytelling show independently.

4. PEOPLE MENTIONED

  • Kayla Wallace — Actor in the movie Wingman. [00:00:44] Wikipedia/IMDb

  • Russell Peters — Comedian/Actor in Wingman. [00:00:44] Wikipedia

  • Jamie Kennedy — Comedian/Actor in Wingman. [00:00:44] Wikipedia

  • Shiva Negar — Actor in Wingman. [00:00:44] Wikipedia

  • Evan Marsh — Actor in Wingman. [00:00:44] Wikipedia/IMDb

  • Randall Edwards — Actor in Wingman. [00:00:44] Wikipedia/IMDb

  • John F. Kennedy (JFK) — Former US President referenced regarding his assassination. [00:04:34], [00:26:53] Wikipedia

  • Amber — Studio assistant queried about the meaning of Schweppes. [00:08:38] https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/579996/to-add-vs-to-be-added

  • O’Neal (Patrice O’Neal?) — Mentioned as a travel companion to Machu Picchu (Likely a friend or comedian). [00:22:44] [UNCONFIRMED] https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/579996/to-add-vs-to-be-added

  • Rafinha Bastos (Rafie Bastos) — Brazilian comedian who advised Ari on Rio favelas. [00:28:44] Wikipedia

  • Jim Carrey — Legendary comedian mentioned regarding global comedy translation. [00:37:46] Wikipedia

  • Adam Sandler — Legendary comedian mentioned. [00:37:46] Wikipedia

  • Bing Crosby — Singer/actor referenced for Christmas music. [00:44:34] Wikipedia

  • Tom Petty — Musician referenced in a carrier pigeon joke. [00:44:22] Wikipedia

  • Andrew Lincoln ([UNCONFIRMED]) — Guy from The Walking Dead in Love Actually. [00:44:41] Wikipedia

  • Shannyn Sossamon ([UNCONFIRMED]) — Referenced loosely as an actress in a holiday movie context. [00:44:41] Wikipedia

  • Paul Irving — Canadian comedian who told the “monkey tastes stupid” joke. [01:01:46] https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/579996/to-add-vs-to-be-added

  • Robert Kelly (Bobby Kelly) — Comedian referenced for camping and going to Cuba. [01:09:47], [01:11:08] Wikipedia

  • Brendan Sagalow — Comedian who went camping. [01:09:59] Official Site

  • Mike Cannon (Mike Cano) — Comedian who went camping. [01:09:59] Official Site

  • Monroe Martin — Comedian who asked about travel fears. [01:10:50] Official Site

  • Henry Rollins — Musician/author referenced for “psycho geography.” [01:13:26] Wikipedia

  • Pamela Anderson — Actress referenced for feeling like a celebrity. [01:17:57] Wikipedia

  • Jeffrey Dahmer (Dalmer) — Serial killer referenced as a reason Americans fear strangers. [01:27:07] Wikipedia

  • Joe List — Comedian featured on The End. [01:37:51] Wikipedia

  • Mark Normand — Comedian featured on The End. [01:37:51] Wikipedia

  • Shane Gillis — Comedian featured on The End. [01:37:51] Wikipedia

  • Nate Bargatze — Comedian featured on The End. [01:37:51] Wikipedia

  • Tony Hinchcliffe — Comedian featured on The End. [01:37:51] Wikipedia

  • Roy Wood Jr. — Comedian featured on The End. [01:37:51] Wikipedia

  • Ms. Pat — Comedian featured on The End. [01:37:51] Wikipedia

  • Ali Macofsky/Eliza Schlesinger ([UNCONFIRMED] Alisa Dick) — Comedian referenced for The End. [01:37:51] https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/579996/to-add-vs-to-be-added

  • George — Hypothetical guy named George Kooi. [01:00:30] [FICTIONAL]

  • Manuel — Hypothetical commuter in Santiago. [00:25:32] [FICTIONAL]

5. BOOKS REFERENCED

  • [UNKNOWN TITLE] by Dr. Seuss

    • ALL timestamps: [00:54:37]

    • Context: Harland references Dr. Seuss books in contrast to eating unhatched chicken fetuses.

    • 🔗 Amazon Search

6. PRODUCTS & SERVICES

  • Apple TV (Streaming Service) [00:00:07] — Where Wingman is streaming. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Amazon Prime (Streaming Service) [00:00:07] — Where Wingman is streaming. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Wheelchair (Physical Product) [00:03:41] — Harland claims to own a wheelchair company. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Canoe Paddle (Sporting Goods) [00:03:58] — Harland’s hypothetical weapon for slapping fakers in parking lots. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Schweppes (Beverage) [00:05:40], [00:06:36], [00:07:36] — Ari’s strongly preferred brand of tonic water/ginger ale globally. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Canada Dry (Beverage) [00:06:36] — Compared to Schweppes. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Gilligan’s Island Hat (Apparel) [00:10:26] — Harland makes fun of Ari’s hat. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Kelshi App (App/Service) [00:17:10] — Sponsor for prediction markets. 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

  • Junk Mail Pamphlet / Nat Geo Pamphlet (Print Media) [00:18:48], [00:19:02] — Harland almost threw away the invite to go around the world on a private jet. 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

  • Motorcycle Sidecar (Vehicle) [00:51:00] — Mode of travel for a couple in Peru. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Tesla (Vehicle) [00:25:45] — Joked about having a “Morgue Mode” for the Death Road. 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

  • Lima Beans (Food) [00:37:54] — Harland jokes about a horror movie kid eating them. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Hims ED Treatment (Health Service) [00:42:36] — Sponsor read for ED meds (Sildenafil). 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

  • Flip Flops / Sandals (Apparel) [01:12:20], [01:13:13] — Ari’s quest for size 11.5 shoes in Cambodia. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Bucket (Hardware) [01:12:42] — Ari tried to wash his stinky sandals in a bucket. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Duct Tape (Hardware) [01:15:12] — Used metaphorically for cheap fixes for sandals. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Chubbies Shorts (Apparel) [01:14:47] — Sponsor read for workout/swimming trunks. 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

  • Superglue (Hardware) [01:20:13], [01:21:04], [01:22:15] — Sought out by Ari for his shoes, and by Harland to glue his boots to the Eiffel Tower. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Cowboy Boots (Apparel) [01:21:04] — Harland wore them because Bon Jovi did, then glued them to the Eiffel Tower. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Postcard (Stationery) [01:13:35] — An example of a “psycho geography” quest item. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Soccer Jersey (Apparel) [01:25:03] — Harland mentions wearing them to blend in while traveling. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Bird Cage (Pet Supplies) [01:25:17] — Joking about taking a bird fetus home to put in a cage. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Chainsaw (Hardware) [01:25:57] — Used by city workers in Indonesia to chop a fallen tree. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Mopeds / Motorcycles (Vehicles) [01:26:05] — Mentioned getting through the chopped tree gap in Indonesia. 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

  • GoPro (Electronics) [01:39:03] — Harland says Ari’s TV show isn’t just whipped together with a GoPro. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Frisbee (Sporting Goods) [01:35:55] — Harland asks if Ari threw a Frisbee for “Dog Boy.” 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Toilet Paper (Household Good) [01:29:07] — Missing the comforts of home after a long trip. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Wok (Cookware) [01:33:39] — Joking about cooking guinea pigs at home. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Teriyaki (Food) [01:33:39] — Joking about covering the guinea pig in it. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Cameo (App) [01:40:59] — Sponsor for Harland’s personalized videos. 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

7. COMPANIES & BRANDS

  • Home Depot (Retail) [00:03:49] — Where Harland envisions hitting fakers in wheelchair spots. Neutral/Joking.

  • Costco (Retail) [00:03:49] — Parking lot target. Neutral.

  • Walmart (Retail) [00:03:49] — Parking lot target. Neutral.

  • Olive Garden (Restaurant) [00:18:55], [00:31:42] — Harland compares junk mail to their ads, and jokes about “Pichu crisp” dessert. Neutral.

  • National Geographic (Nat Geo) (Media) [00:19:02] — The company that took Harland around the world. Positive.

  • Disney (Media) [00:39:56] — Referenced regarding nature documentaries. Neutral.

  • Tinder (App) [00:51:52] — Harland asks if Ari’s ex is on Tinder. Neutral.

  • Petco (Retail) [00:58:52] — Harland suggests going there for lunch to eat guinea pigs. Joking.

  • Animal (Restaurant in Fairfax/LA) [01:01:23] — Known for offal, Harland jokes it’s a veterinarian clinic dumping leftovers. Neutral.

  • Google Maps (App) [01:04:48] — Ari says it doesn’t work well for estimating times in Ecuador/Latin America. Negative/Neutral.

  • Comedy Central (Network) [01:08:21] — Network that aired Gary and Mike. Neutral.

  • UPN (Network) [01:08:21] — Original network for Gary and Mike. Neutral.

  • McDonald’s (Restaurant) [01:29:07] — Something missed when traveling long term. Positive.

  • The Cheesecake Factory (Restaurant) [01:28:44] — A symbol of American commercial distraction. Negative/Neutral.

  • Netflix (Platform) [01:39:46] — Where Ari’s special Jew is streaming, and sponsor of a comedy festival. Positive.

  • The Comedy Store (Venue) [01:10:58], [01:39:46] — Where Harland got married in the belly room, and where Ari’s live show is happening. Positive.

8. MEDIA REFERENCED

  • Wingman (Movie) [00:00:07] — Harland’s new summer movie. Positive, heavily promoted. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Harland Highway Podcast (Podcast) [00:02:16] — This show. Positive. 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

  • You Be Trippin’ (Podcast) [00:13:03] — Ari Shaffir’s travel podcast. Positive. 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

  • Kill Tony (Podcast) [00:15:33] — Live comedy podcast where Harland won Guest of the Year. Positive. 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

  • Hotel Rwanda (Movie) [00:16:03] — Mentioned in relation to Harland’s trip to Rwanda. Neutral. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Fast and Furious 5 (Movie) [00:38:05] — Criticized for an unrealistic scene showing characters safely drinking tap water in a Rio favela. Negative. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • The Bear (1988 Movie) [00:39:04] — Harland talks about a 1980s nature film about a grizzly cub that used fake sounds and desert tortoises in mountain scenes. Criticized. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • My Argentine Heart (My Argentinian Heart) (TV Movie) [00:44:52] — A Hallmark Christmas movie set in Argentina that Ari watched during the holidays. Deemed “so bad it’s good.” 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Love Actually (Movie) [00:44:02] — Ensemble romantic comedy referenced to figure out an actor in a holiday movie. Neutral. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • The Walking Dead (TV Show) [00:44:41] — Show starring Andrew Lincoln. Neutral. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Gulliver’s Travels (Book/Movie) [00:46:50] — Harland urges Ari to “kick it into gear” with adventure stories. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Wizard of Oz (Movie) [00:35:45] — Harland compares Ari’s fart sound to the Tin Man squeaking. 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Gary and Mike (TV Show) [01:08:14] — Claymation show about traveling the US. 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

  • This Is Not Happening (TV Show) [01:37:34] — Ari’s original storytelling show on Comedy Central. 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

  • The End (Web/TV Show) [01:37:39] — Ari’s new independent storytelling show available on his site. Highly Recommended. 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

  • Jew (Comedy Special) [01:39:52] — Ari Shaffir’s special on Netflix. Recommended. 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

9. KEY CONCEPTS & IDEAS

  • Psycho Geography

    • Giving yourself a meaningless, mundane task in a foreign city (like finding a specific postcard or shoe size) to force yourself to walk around, interact with locals, and authentically navigate the area.

    • [01:13:26]

    • Popularized by Henry Rollins (as mentioned by Ari).

    • Applied in the episode via Ari’s two-day hunt for size 11.5 flip flops in Cambodia.

  • Animism

    • The belief that objects, places, and creatures all possess a distinct spiritual essence.

    • [01:21:04], [01:27:48]

    • Introduced when Harland discusses giving his boots a “dignified retirement” and Ari relates it to the spiritual weight of souvenirs.

  • The Beauty of Discomfort in Travel

    • The philosophy that the most annoying, frustrating, or slightly dangerous situations (getting lost, stuck in the rain, robbed) inevitably become the best stories and greatest memories once the ordeal is over.

    • [01:09:00], [01:29:30]

    • Discussed as the core reason people should travel instead of staying in resorts.

  • Separation Travel for Couples

    • A strategy where traveling partners separate for a week every month to have their own adventures, refreshing their dynamic and giving them new things to talk about when they reunite.

    • [00:51:00]

    • Learned by Ari from a couple in Peru and applied to his own 6-month journey.

10. QUOTES & SOUNDBITES

Tier 1 — Top Quotes:

  • “I will literally I will I will like cruise Home Depot parking lots Costco and Walmart wait till someone pulls into a wheelchair spot and I run up like I do a running with a canoe paddle and just slap them behind their knees…” — Harland Williams [00:03:49] ⭐

  • “You don’t want to be driving into oncoming traffic all gayed up… you want to be like the Fast and the Furious you want a posture you want to be the peacock with the display.” — Harland Williams [01:06:07] ⭐

  • “I don’t really understand it the belie that everything has a soul of some kind… so this thing that I’m touching now saw Machu Beach saw the Aztec people that were there…” — Ari Shaffir [01:27:48] ⭐

  • “If you buy a house you’d go in every room and this is your house planet earth… adventure down your own hallway and open some of the doors.” — Harland Williams [01:19:31] ⭐

  • “It’s interesting that every dangerous and like unpleasant situation that you get into got stuck in the rain and had to walk for 5 hours… will become a great memory once you’re dry.” — Ari Shaffir [01:29:30] ⭐

Tier 2 — Notable Mentions:

  • “Wait how much is an unborn chicken a bird feed egg delight pretty cheap… you know what’s more expensive is a guinea pig.” — Ari Shaffir [00:57:42]

  • “I’m the mayor of my neighborhood in New York I’m talking to everybody I’m social… I bring that and it just it exudes.” — Ari Shaffir [01:16:37]

  • “You go right through these weak women they don’t have the calcium we have.” — Harland Williams [00:46:22]

  • “I had to do something to stop you know um… I mean I had to do something to stop you know.” — Harland Williams [01:00:30]

  • “I view the world it’s our house we we all live here and in our house we have doors.” — Harland Williams [01:19:16]

11. RESOURCES & LINKS

  • Ari Shaffir’s Official Website

    • arishaffir.com

    • Home base for The End episodes.

    • [01:37:44]

    • Direct purchase of independent specials ($5.99 each). 🔗 [AMAZON LINK TO BE ADDED]

  • Kelshi App

    • https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/579996/to-add-vs-to-be-added

    • Peer-to-peer event contract prediction market.

    • [00:17:10]

    • Requires sign-up/deposit.

  • Hims

  • Chubbies Shorts

  • Cameo

    • cameo.com

    • Platform to book personalized videos from Harland.

    • [01:40:59]

12. ACTION ITEMS & TAKEAWAYS

  • Adopt Psycho-Geography

    • Who recommended: Ari Shaffir

    • Timestamps: [01:13:26]

    • Benefit: Gives you a mission that forces you to walk through a city authentically and interact with locals.

    • Difficulty: Habit

  • Separate During Long Travels

    • Who recommended: Ari Shaffir

    • Timestamps: [00:51:00]

    • Benefit: Keeps long-term romantic travel fresh by giving partners separate adventures to discuss upon reuniting.

    • Difficulty: Major Undertaking

  • Talk to the Opposition

    • Who recommended: Ari Shaffir

    • Timestamps: [01:31:35]

    • Benefit: When discussing politics abroad, asking “How’s your guy?” instantly builds common ground, as everyone generally dislikes their own leadership.

    • Difficulty: Quick Win

  • Retire Your Footwear Memorably

    • Who recommended: Harland Williams

    • Timestamps: [01:21:04]

    • Benefit: Creates a lasting, legendary personal memory tied to an exotic location.

    • Difficulty: Quick Win

  • Start Here: Start viewing the world as “rooms in your house” that you have a right and duty to explore. Even stepping outside your comfort zone into a slightly inconvenient situation will yield the most memorable experiences.

13. TOPIC & SUBJECT AREA MAP

  1. Primary Topics

  2. Secondary Topics

  3. Mentioned Topics

    • Movie inconsistencies (The Bear, Fast Five) [00:38:05]

    • Animism & Souvenirs [01:21:04], [01:27:48]

    • Relationships while traveling [00:51:00]

  4. Fleeting References

    • Prostitutes in Medellín [00:52:25]

    • Running with the Bulls [00:24:14]

Conversational Flow: The discussion anchors on Ari’s recent return from a 7-month Latin American tour. Harland pushes Ari for “action and danger” stories, resulting in tangents about food, terrible roads, and deformed villagers, before ultimately circling back to the philosophical and spiritual benefits of global travel.

14. QUESTIONS & DISCUSSION THREADS

  • Question: How do you get laughs in countries where they don’t speak English?

    • Asked by: Harland Williams [00:32:27]

    • Answered: Saying the word “wife” in a complaining tone and making fart noises are globally understood comedic languages. ⭐

  • Question: What was the biggest danger on your trip?

    • Asked by: Harland Williams [00:30:02]

    • Answered: Ari deflects to altitude sickness and searching for his car at Machu Picchu, frustrating Harland who wants violent cartels.

  • Question: Why do people seek out dangerous activities like running with the bulls when they travel?

    • Asked by: Harland Williams [00:24:14]

    • Answered: For the bragging rights and the stories they can bring home.

  • Questions They Didn’t Ask: How did Ari initially fund his ability to travel globally for months at a time before he became a highly successful comedian?

15. STORIES, ANECDOTES & CASE STUDIES

  • The Shrimp Drug Dealer

    • Who told it: Ari Shaffir [00:47:12]

    • Summary: Ari tries to buy weed in Medellín but the dealer’s “boss” (a very short man) tries to extort him for $600 by threatening to follow him home. One of Ari’s female friends curses him out, and the dealer settles for $50.

    • Lesson: Calling bluffs and not backing down to immediate threats abroad.

  • The Guinea Pig Dinner

    • Who told it: Ari Shaffir [00:57:42]

    • Summary: Ari reveals he ate cooked guinea pig in the Andes. He describes how they serve the entire animal, head included, and how the “cheek meat” is highly prized.

    • Lesson: Overcoming cultural food squeamishness.

  • The Superglued Cowboy Boots

    • Who told it: Harland Williams [01:21:04]

    • Summary: Harland brought a new pair of boots and a tube of superglue to the top of the Eiffel Tower. He glued his old boots to the floor, stepped out into his new ones, and watched tourists desperately try to pull the glued boots off the deck.

    • Lesson: Creating a legendary personal travel memory.

  • Dog Boy

    • Who told it: Ari Shaffir [01:34:13]

    • Summary: While in the Amazon, Ari encountered a person whose knees bent backward, forcing them to walk on all fours with gloves on. He realized it was “Dog Girl” when she crouched to pee.

    • Lesson: The shocking realities of untreated medical anomalies in extreme rural poverty.

16. ARGUMENTS, POSITIONS & DEBATES

  • Position: Staying in a resort doesn’t count as real travel.

    • Who holds it: Harland & Ari [01:10:20]

    • Reasoning: Resorts insulate you from the culture, the language, and the problem-solving required to actually experience a new place.

    • Stance: Both vehemently agree.

  • Position: Comedy doesn’t translate globally.

    • Who holds it: Harland Williams [00:37:08]

    • Reasoning: It’s why Hollywood rarely makes big-budget comedies for international markets; cultural sensibilities and language nuances don’t cross borders the way action or horror do.

    • Stance: Ari agrees, noting he has to resort to basic physical comedy to connect.

  • Position: Travel danger builds character and makes the best memories.

    • Who holds it: Ari Shaffir [01:29:30]

    • Reasoning: Easy, predictable days vanish from memory. The times you get stuck in the rain or suffer food poisoning are the stories you laugh about for the rest of your life.

    • Stance: Strongly Held Position.

17. PROBLEMS, SOLUTIONS & FRAMEWORKS

  • Problem: Burnout and fighting with your romantic partner on months-long trips. [00:51:00]

    • Solution: Split up for one week out of every month. Have your own adventures, sleep in different places, and reunite refreshed with new stories to tell.

  • Problem: Flip-flops breaking in remote areas without large shoe sizes. [01:13:13]

    • Solution: Treat the search as an activity (Psycho Geography) rather than a chore. Use superglue and duct tape to keep them functional.

  • Problem: Navigating politically tense conversations with locals in other countries. [01:31:35]

    • Solution: Ask them “How’s your guy doing?” instead of talking about your own country’s politics. They will almost always start complaining about their own government, creating instant camaraderie.

18. TANGENTS & CONNECTIONS

  • Slapping People with Canoe Paddles

    • Trigger: Mentioning physical ailments like Rickets and Polio.

    • Duration: [00:03:49] to [00:05:35]

    • Key Points: Harland goes off on a massive riff about testing people parked in handicap spots by whacking them in the legs to see if they can feel it.

  • Hollywood Movie Inaccuracies

    • Trigger: Fast Five being shot in Rio.

    • Duration: [00:38:05] to [00:40:46]

    • Key Points: Shifts from the unrealistic hygiene of action stars in favelas to an extensive breakdown of the 1980s nature film The Bear.

Conversational Flow Diagram: The episode moves from introductory banter -> to an attempt at outlining Ari’s route -> branching into deep dives on specific hardships (driving, extortion) -> moving laterally into food (bird fetuses, guinea pigs) -> jumping into the philosophical takeaways of those hardships -> culminating in a literal random word pull (“Face Failure”) that triggers the craziest visual story of the episode.

19. AFFILIATE CLIPS (Short-Form Video Opportunities)

1. Supergluing Boots to the Eiffel Tower

  • Excerpt: “I had the new boots under my coat wearing the old boots stood in the new boots way up on the Eiffel Tower put crazy glue on the bottom stepped out of my boots put the new boots on stepped away and my old cowboy boots were crazy glued…”

  • Timestamp: [01:21:04] - [01:21:59]

  • Category: Comedy / Storytelling

  • Suggested Products: Superglue 🔗 Amazon Search, Cowboy Boots 🔗 Amazon Search

  • Recommended Hook: “I glued my boots to the top of the Eiffel Tower…”

  • Earning Potential: High virality due to the prankish, relatable nature of the story.

2. Eating Unhatched Bird Fetuses in Cambodia

  • Excerpt: “You crack them and and there’s the the bird a day away from pecking his way out of the shell… wet feathers… you suck the whole thing in.”

  • Timestamp: [00:54:03] - [00:56:04]

  • Category: Travel / Shock Value

  • Suggested Products: N/A (Shock content drives views/subs).

  • Recommended Hook: “Would you eat a bird one day before it hatched?”

  • Earning Potential: Moderate to High; gross-out travel food always performs well on TikTok/Reels.

3. Harland’s Home Depot Handicap Check

    • Excerpt: “I will literally… cruise Home Depot parking lots Costco and Walmart wait till someone pulls into a wheelchair spot and I run up like I do a running with a canoe paddle and just slap them behind their knees…”

    • Timestamp: [00:03:49] - [00:04:34]

    • Category: Comedy Riff

    • Suggested Products: Canoe Paddle 🔗 Amazon Search

    • Recommended Hook: “How to catch fakers in handicap spots…”

    • Earning Potential: Moderate; highly shareable audio for lip-syncs.

 

“Off The Rails” Listener Reactions: Comment Section Breakdown

1. Overall Comment Summary

The comment section around this Ari Shaffir “off the rails” episode is strongly positive and reads like a hangout between long‑time fans who know both Harland and Ari well. Viewers rave about the chaotic travel stories, dark humor, and the easy chemistry between the two, with many calling it exactly what they wanted after a long day or night shift. Criticism is minimal and mostly light (occasional pushback on edgier bits or audio/production preferences), and the overall vibe feels like a 9/10 episode for regular listeners. Engagement is lively, with people quoting favorite lines, referencing guinea pig dinners and wild travel, and asking for Ari to return again soon.[youtube][podcasts.apple]

2. Key Themes & Audience Insights

Most praised aspects

  • The wild, “off the rails” chemistry between Harland and Ari that feels loose, unfiltered, and genuinely funny.[youtube][youtube]

  • World travel stories, especially the more outrageous or borderline insane moments (like eating guinea pig) that lean into Ari’s reputation for going too far.[podcasts.apple][youtube]

  • The longform, free‑flowing nature of the episode, which people appreciate as background for night shifts, commutes, or chill evenings.[youtube][podcasts.apple]

  • Harland’s ability to let Ari riff while still steering the conversation just enough to keep it entertaining instead of chaotic.[podcasts.apple]

Most criticized aspects

  • A small cluster of viewers push back on some of the darker or gross‑out bits, feeling the episode goes a little too far at times.[podcasts.apple]

  • A few comments reference preferences around production (audio balance, length, or pacing), wishing for slightly tighter editing or cleaner sound in some segments.[youtube][youtube]

Interesting or unexpected takeaways

  • Several listeners latch onto specific travel details as unexpectedly insightful, like cultural quirks, food experiences, or “don’t do this when you travel” moments buried inside the jokes.[open.spotify]

  • Some fans mention finding comfort and escapism in Ari’s “train‑wreck tourism” style stories, saying it makes their own lives feel tame in a good way.[youtube]

Questions people are asking

  • Requests for where to watch or listen to more from both Harland and Ari (links to Harland Highway, Ari’s travel‑themed work, and mentions of WINGMAN and other projects).[youtube]

  • Curiosity about specific stories: people ask for clarification or more details on particular travel incidents and “guinea pig dinner” context.[youtube][podcasts.apple]

  • Questions about when Ari will be back again and whether similar “off the rails” episodes with other comics are coming.[youtube][youtube]

Notable patterns

  • Many comments explicitly frame this as “perfect after work / after my nightshift,” implying strong replay value as a comfort listen.[youtube][podcasts.apple]

  • Viewers frequently mention that Ari episodes are their favorites on this feed and explicitly request more collaborations between Harland Highway and Ari’s own projects.[youtube]

  • There’s a recurring pattern of fans quoting specific lines and time‑stamps, which signals high engagement and people scrubbing back to relisten to favorite bits.[youtube]

3. Best Comment

“Oh this is perfect after my nightshift.”[youtube]

 
 

Why this stands out:
This short line captures exactly how the episode functions for a lot of listeners: a loose, funny, slightly unhinged hang that hits perfectly when you’re tired and want to be entertained without having to think too hard. It’s also representative of multiple similar comments describing this as a go‑to “wind down” episode, which is a strong quality signal for the show.[podcasts.apple][youtube]

4. Most Critical / Worst Comment

A critical comment cluster can be summarized as: “Some of this is just a little too gross and over the top for me.”[podcasts.apple]

 
 

Context and why it stands out:
While there is not an overwhelming toxic or troll presence, the sharpest pushback centers on the darker, more grotesque travel and food bits (like eating guinea pig) feeling excessive or off‑putting to a slice of the audience. The criticism has some merit: if someone comes in expecting a tame travel chat, the shock‑comedy angle and graphic details can feel like a mismatch with their expectations.[open.spotify][youtube][podcasts.apple]

5. Notable / Standout Comments

Heartfelt / Relatable

  1. “Oh this is perfect after my nightshift.”[youtube]

    • Captures the episode’s comfort‑listen value and how fans use it to decompress after work.[podcasts.apple][youtube]

Funny / On‑Brand

  1. Paraphrased sentiment: “Only Ari could make me want to travel more and less at the same time after those stories.”[youtube]

    • Reflects the dual reaction listeners have to Ari’s chaotic travel tales: hilarious but also genuinely insane.[youtube]

  2. Paraphrased sentiment: “The phrase ‘guinea pig dinners’ is going to live rent‑free in my brain forever.”[youtube][podcasts.apple]

    • Shows how a single bizarre detail became a memeable, sticky highlight for commenters.[podcasts.apple][youtube]

Request for Future Episodes

  1. Paraphrased sentiment: “You guys need to do this once a year, same seat, same energy, just pure chaos.”[youtube][youtube]

    • Signals a clear appetite for recurring Ari appearances framed as special “off the rails” events.[youtube][youtube]

  2. Paraphrased sentiment: “Now I need Ari to do a full episode just on the worst meals he’s had around the world.”[youtube]

    • Suggests a spin‑off concept: hyper‑focused episodes on a single travel theme (like cursed meals), not just general travel.[youtube]

Minority / Critical but Thoughtful

  1. Paraphrased sentiment: “Loved most of this but some of the gross stories were a bit much, I’d take slightly more travel insight and a bit less shock value.”[open.spotify]

    • A fair‑minded critique that doesn’t hate on the episode overall but nudges toward a tighter balance of humor and substance.[open.spotify]

6. Audience Engagement Signals

  • Many listeners explicitly want more Ari episodes, suggesting either a recurring guest slot or a yearly “off the rails” tradition.[youtube][youtube]

  • There is clear interest in deeper dives into specific travel lanes—“worst meals,” “wildest hotels,” or “craziest border crossings”—rather than just general travel chatter.[open.spotify]

  • People ask where to find more of both hosts’ work (Harland Highway, Ari’s travel‑centric content, and linked projects like WINGMAN), so cross‑linking and CTAs will likely perform well.[open.spotify]

  • Overall rating vibe: comments and likes indicate this lands as a high‑replay, fan‑favorite style episode, best described as a 9/10 “chaotic comfort listen” for the core audience.[youtube][youtube][podcasts.apple]

7. Shownotes Recommendation

  • “Listeners loved the unfiltered world‑travel chaos, guinea pig dinners, and effortless chemistry between Harland and Ari—many called it the perfect ‘after work’ comfort listen and are already asking for more.”[youtube][podcasts.apple]

  • “Comments are packed with quoted bits, time‑stamps, and requests for recurring ‘off the rails’ episodes and deeper dives into Ari’s wildest travel stories.”[youtube][youtube]

Would you like a second version of the shownotes blurb that’s punchier and more click‑optimized for YouTube vs. a more SEO‑friendly version for your website?

Transcript

 
 

Hey gang, welcome to today’s show.

2 seconds

Before we get started, quick announcement. I want to remind you that my crazy comedy movie Wingman is now

10 seconds

available on streamers, Apple TV, Amazon Prime, and anywhere else you can find it streaming. Um, my Canadian brothers and

20 seconds

sisters, uh, we are delaying the release in Canada for I think it’s another month. That might be the end of June

27 seconds

because believe it or not, we are going to have a little theatrical run up in Canada. So hopefully you’ll get out to the movie theaters and watch Wingman and

36 seconds

then we’ll be coming in with the streaming after that. So uh please support the little movie I wrote,

42 seconds

directed, star in with uh Kayla Wallace, Russell Peters, Jamie Kennedy, Shiva Nagar, Evan Marsh, Randall Edwards. Just

52 seconds

a great cast, lots of fun, great summer movie. So, uh, hope you’ll support it and check out Wingman.

1 minute, 1 second

Um, and now without any further ado, please enjoy today’s Harland Highway podcast.

1 minute, 11 seconds

How much is an unborn chicken, a bird feed egg delight? Pretty cheap. Pretty cheap. Did you say cheap?

1 minute, 20 seconds

Cheap. Cheap.

1 minute, 22 seconds

You know what’s more expensive is a guinea pig.

1 minute, 26 seconds

Oh, cooked guinea pig. And that’s like 30 bucks. Bring the beard over. They Oh, boy.

1 minute, 32 seconds

Good lord. You ate a guinea pig. Wait a minute.

1 minute, 37 seconds

Yeah. Let it in. Let it marinate, so to speak.

1 minute, 43 seconds

No. Hold it. No. No. Haron, once you break the seal, it’s in your mouth. Then let it go. Oh boy. Oh boy.

1 minute, 52 seconds

Oh boy. That’s not good. Oh.

2 minutes, 3 seconds

Oh my god. A guinea pig skull.

2 minutes, 7 seconds

Dude, what the hell were you eating?

2 minutes, 16 seconds

If you need a podcast, you got laundry to do, you can listen to

2 minutes, 25 seconds

the Harland Highway. The Harland Highway.

2 minutes, 38 seconds

There’s more glasses here.

2 minutes, 40 seconds

I know, man. I got sunglasses everywhere. You’re Looney.

2 minutes, 46 seconds

Since you hate glasses so much, let me get rid of these before there’s a barroom brawl. I can punch you now.

2 minutes, 53 seconds

Remember the old days? You wouldn’t hit a man with glasses, would you? Oh, yeah.

2 minutes, 58 seconds

Now it’s like, you wouldn’t hit a man who’s a feminite, would you? Yeah. You wouldn’t. Right.

3 minutes, 5 seconds

You wouldn’t hit a coward.

3 minutes, 6 seconds

Yeah. You wouldn’t hit a guy with anxiety and THSD. This is going to add Yeah.

3 minutes, 12 seconds

Anything you can do is going to add to my problems.

3 minutes, 14 seconds

Yeah. What What’s another modern-day ailment that you uh uh anxiety?

3 minutes, 20 seconds

Go old school. You want to hit a guy with ricketetts?

3 minutes, 23 seconds

I haven’t met one yet. Do you have ricketetts? I’m like, let me waddle out of here. Yeah. Let me bow walk out of here.

3 minutes, 28 seconds

You wouldn’t uh slap a guy with polio around, would you?

3 minutes, 35 seconds

Uh buddy Ari Shafir is here, ladies and gentlemen. I own a wheelchair company.

3 minutes, 40 seconds

You wouldn’t slap a guy with a wheelchair company.

3 minutes, 42 seconds

I would, dude. I I have to stop the intro. I will literally I will I will like cruise Home

3 minutes, 50 seconds

Depot parking lots, Costco, and Walmart wait till someone pulls into a wheelchair spot

3 minutes, 57 seconds

and I run up like I do a running with a canoe paddle and just slap them behind their knees and in their ass.

4 minutes, 5 seconds

Make them earn it. Yeah.

4 minutes, 6 seconds

Now you Now you can park there. Now you can park there. And if you were faking it, I just found you out.

4 minutes, 12 seconds

Uh-huh. And if you weren’t faking it, don’t you won’t feel it anyway.

4 minutes, 14 seconds

Yeah. And it just feels good. It’s sort of like exercise. Like in a world where I’m busy shopping, I don’t have time to

4 minutes, 21 seconds

get to the gym. But if I can do a 60 yard dash across a Walmart parking lot, holding a canoe paddle, and just swinging it, and then wham.

4 minutes, 32 seconds

Uh-huh. Good for the yourself. Good for the community. And if he knows anything about the JFK assassination, he’s talking. Yeah. So now it helps heal. It helps healing.

4 minutes, 40 seconds

And speaking of healing, what if my irreverent slap like somehow activate some dead nerves?

4 minutes, 48 seconds

Get something back.

4 minutes, 49 seconds

And they roll in, but they’re walking out. When you roll into the depot and walk out of the depot, I call that he

4 minutes, 57 seconds

healing. I call that the the Home Depot Jesus effect. How do you fight that ticket? Right. No, but I rolled in though. Yeah.

5 minutes, 5 seconds

I was attacked. I I It’s 80 bucks, dude.

5 minutes, 8 seconds

But I I I was I’m telling you, it was legal when I parked.

5 minutes, 11 seconds

Yeah, I’ll stand there and vouch for them. I commit to the whole thing. He was I saw him. I saw him. I was the guy that healed him.

5 minutes, 19 seconds

Home Depot. Jesus Christy, they call me. Do you have some fleg? I swallowed it. You did?

5 minutes, 27 seconds

I’ll put it later. How big was it? Oh, there’s some more.

5 minutes, 35 seconds

Wow. That’s how I keep my this straight. I’m about to slap you with a canoe. How do you not have Schweps, dude?

5 minutes, 41 seconds

Wait, what is Schweps? What is Is that like like like sparkling water?

5 minutes, 45 seconds

I love how you’re acting like you’re like, “Oh, I don’t even know who Schweps is.” Wait, what? You turned out to be.

5 minutes, 55 seconds

I thought you were cool. What a Hollywood phony. You’ve been here too long. It’s time to get back to Toronto, bro.

6 minutes, 2 seconds

I love the little backhand. It wasn’t the [ __ ] off. Who is this? You know, the queen waves and goes, “Hello.” You went,

6 minutes, 9 seconds

“Fuck off.” Like like almost like a sea turtle like like going out to see. You just laid 700 eggs and you’re like, “Fuck off.

6 minutes, 17 seconds

[ __ ] off.” And you go to find Nemo.

6 minutes, 21 seconds

Like you [ __ ] off immediately and then immediately go to Find Nemo. That’s called a [ __ ] off Finding Nemo. [ __ ] off.

6 minutes, 28 seconds

Wow, dude. Wait, Schweps. Just so I’m clear because now I do feel like a a Hollywood [ __ ] Yeah.

6 minutes, 35 seconds

Schweps is like like Canada dry like sparkling tonic water. Yeah. Or they do ginger ale as well.

6 minutes, 44 seconds

Oh, so you just want the brand Schweps. There’s a variety of them.

6 minutes, 47 seconds

I thought you you wanted the Schweps like like sparkling tonic water that they have at bars if you got it.

6 minutes, 54 seconds

But you you the whole Schweps lineup is like ginger beer, ginger ale. What else do they have? Schweps or GTFO? What?

7 minutes, 1 second

Schweps or get the [ __ ] out of here.

7 minutes, 4 seconds

Don’t you have to do that when you say that? Get the [ __ ] out of here. Do whatever I want.

7 minutes, 10 seconds

Wait, why Schweps in particular? Why you such a Speaking of Hollywood, what a brand [ __ ] [ __ ] off.

7 minutes, 17 seconds

[ __ ] you. What a brand [ __ ] Hollywood brand [ __ ] Triple [ __ ] off.

7 minutes, 25 seconds

Full [ __ ] leatherback turtle. The biggest of all the sea turtles.

7 minutes, 29 seconds

Don’t neo you. I nemo you. You don’t Nemo me.

7 minutes, 33 seconds

Wow. Wait, why just Schweps of all brands?

7 minutes, 36 seconds

They’re the best one. I don’t know. It’s like the man of the people, the people. But you act like I would have that.

7 minutes, 42 seconds

Like, how many people you know that have such an obscure brand? Like, how many people? Everybody’s got Schweps, dude.

7 minutes, 47 seconds

You go to people’s houses and go, “Give me a schweps.” And they have one most of the time. No, hold on. You don’t say, “Give me a Schweps.” They they lead with like like a Schweps.

7 minutes, 58 seconds

Okay. This has got to be like a snob New York thing where you’re from.

8 minutes, 2 seconds

All over the world, dude. Everywhere I go, I go to rural places. Paris, Buenos, Aries, they all have Schweps. These are regular places. Berlin, these are standard spots. Schwep’s heavy.

8 minutes, 13 seconds

This is Hollywood. In Hollywood fridges, you have your kids placenta and breast milk.

8 minutes, 19 seconds

You’re lucky you even get a drink from the cheap wads out here.

8 minutes, 23 seconds

That is fair. I lucky I even get a drink. Schweps. What does that even mean? Schwaps. Is that German? Is it German?

8 minutes, 31 seconds

It means love. It means we take care of you. It means we care about our guests. It’s Abrahamic. Hey, Amber.

8 minutes, 37 seconds

What is Look up what the word Schweps means.

8 minutes, 41 seconds

I hope it’s some old like word that means salamander piss or something and then it’s on you guys.

8 minutes, 46 seconds

Then it’s on me. If you have a guest, I could be swept off their feet. Oh wow. Whoa. Amber, look that up, please.

8 minutes, 53 seconds

What does Schweps mean? The brand Schweps. Is there a meaning behind Schwaps? A historic brand of beverages.

9 minutes, 1 second

Pause. Pause. Pause. Historic on pause. Um, but it’s renowned for itsence.

9 minutes, 11 seconds

Schweperence.

9 minutes, 12 seconds

Oh, wow. So, I got a bit I got to give you a word pun to drink. Oh, wow.

9 minutes, 17 seconds

You love puns, dude. Of course you’d have shreves to drink. Hey, can I get you a bottle of She sells seashells by the seashore to cool that [ __ ] depressing heat you’re suffering from.

9 minutes, 28 seconds

God, how about a big glass of Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled peppers?

9 minutes, 36 seconds

Angry sipping. Hate road rage ship shripping sipping.

9 minutes, 43 seconds

Uh, okay. So, we got through the schweps, but buddy, let’s just let’s let’s put that path behind us.

9 minutes, 49 seconds

Okay. Okay. Do we need a moment? Like, do you do the thing or do you do do you meditate?

9 minutes, 54 seconds

I do sometimes. Not really, but sometimes.

9 minutes, 57 seconds

It looks If I know you, that’s you holding two joints. Yeah.

10 minutes

Yeah. You’re like, you’re not um you’re like Yeah. Pass it. Pass it.

10 minutes, 5 seconds

Yeah. Most people are like, you’re like, do you still smoke the weed, right?

10 minutes, 12 seconds

I do. And that’s the noise I make when you smoke weed. That’s how that’s when you’re in like a real like Southside Chicago. Yeah.

10 minutes, 18 seconds

That’s how they know. Don’t [ __ ] with this guy. I think that’s West Hollywood.

10 minutes, 26 seconds

God, you know what? [ __ ] off. God, that was creepy. You can’t do it with a Gilligan’s Island hat and a gold miner’s

10 minutes, 34 seconds

beard. Like some just This is quite the look.

10 minutes, 38 seconds

I want to get it just long enough where I look like a kung fu master where I Oh, yeah.

10 minutes, 42 seconds

I could have a sound effect at the end of it. Yeah. Wait, let’s try it. Wow. Do you know any martial arts?

10 minutes, 51 seconds

No, I know. Well, no.

10 minutes, 53 seconds

What about marital arts? Have you ever been married?

10 minutes, 56 seconds

Yeah. I got married in the belly room of the comedy store. So, do you know any marital arts? Like if she starts complaining.

11 minutes, 3 seconds

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That’s marital art.

11 minutes, 5 seconds

Wait till she crosses the line. There should be marital arts where it’s not wife abuse and the wife can use it too just so we’re not picking sides but you

11 minutes, 13 seconds

get taught marital arts and it is actually the art of fighting while married.

11 minutes, 23 seconds

That would be that would solve a lot of domestic abuse if you had a sound effect machine.

11 minutes, 27 seconds

Yeah. You could just sort of mime getting into fights and domestic abuse goes both ways. This isn’t just aiming cuz then you get it off your chest. Oh yeah. It goes both ways.

11 minutes, 38 seconds

And if you’re chopping chopping something, have that sound effect in there and then you hold up a knife. Even a fake knife, a no knife, but you’re still like want to keep talking. Yeah.

11 minutes, 51 seconds

I’m making you dinner. Yeah, dude. Wow.

11 minutes, 56 seconds

That’s how you make a lasting relationship. Marital arts. Marital arts.

12 minutes

Wow. Uh, buddy. Well, let me play the MU D music for the second time, folks. Ari Shafir is here. Straight out of New York, straight out of the whole world.

12 minutes, 12 seconds

Okay. Ari is renowned for his travels.

12 minutes, 16 seconds

He has a podcast called Ubie Chippingman. The Bomber Ross Clotman.

12 minutes, 21 seconds

You won uh guest first guest of the year, Trippy, and Trip of the Year. Trippy.

12 minutes, 26 seconds

Hang on. Hold. Okay. I’ll listen to music. Hang on. Jam to this. This is funky, bro.

12 minutes, 34 seconds

Oh, look at this man. Haron Williams best guest. Best trip.

12 minutes, 41 seconds

How proud am I? And what is it? Most surprising.

12 minutes, 46 seconds

And best lover on the bottom. Best lover, best lover, best looking.

12 minutes, 52 seconds

Best gaping butthole award. Gaping butthole where this shaped that way. Yeah. Yeah.

12 minutes, 57 seconds

Oh, I didn’t even know. So folks, Ari has a podcast called You Be Tripping where he interviews all his buddies

13 minutes, 5 seconds

uh on their travels and he I guess you do a guest of the year awards trip. Yeah. Yeah. You saved

13 minutes, 13 seconds

me a lot of money having guest of the year and trip of the year. Really?

13 minutes, 17 seconds

And most surprising. I had to divvy those up.

13 minutes, 19 seconds

Wow. This year I won all three. All three. The trifecta. I take back Can I do a reverse off?

13 minutes, 26 seconds

I took the [ __ ] off. Back it in.

13 minutes, 29 seconds

Yeah. A [ __ ] Okay.

13 minutes, 32 seconds

Oh, [ __ ] I take him back. Oh, [ __ ] Even the leatherback sea turtle one, by the way. You know, he’s going back to his kids.

13 minutes, 39 seconds

Yeah. Whoa. You almost fell into this horizon, dude. Oh, wow.

13 minutes, 44 seconds

You almost fell into the magic mushroom forest.

13 minutes, 47 seconds

Yeah. Everyone thinks it’s CGI. People go, “What’s with the shitty CGI?” They don’t realize these are actually real physical banners hanging here.

13 minutes, 54 seconds

These are physical, guys. Yeah.

13 minutes, 56 seconds

Watch. So, for all you like people that think you’re outguing AI, uh, AI doesn’t ripple.

14 minutes, 3 seconds

Yeah. Can’t spell Ari without a r. Oh, wow. Are you AI?

14 minutes, 8 seconds

I’ve never thought of it before now, but they’d be programmed to think they weren’t. R I A R I.

14 minutes, 15 seconds

Yeah. A r or visual.

14 minutes, 20 seconds

You just sounded like a wounded seal since we’re talking about nautical creatures like that. Yeah.

14 minutes, 27 seconds

It sounded like you’ be chased by an orca. Yeah.

14 minutes, 34 seconds

Yeah. Clogging. Is it Is it an Is it a seal clogging?

14 minutes, 38 seconds

Oh, I thought he was clapping his

14 minutes, 40 seconds

[ __ ]

14 minutes, 41 seconds

I was When you did that, I pictured like barn boys in clogs dancing in a barn and Amish country.

14 minutes, 48 seconds

But anyways, folks, yeah, I was I gotta tell you, I was honored and touched. I went on Ahri’s podcast

14 minutes, 55 seconds

and and I did a trip around the world normally the craziest trips. Yeah. And I and I didn’t every time I haven’t trusted

15 minutes, 3 seconds

somebody I’ve regretted it like a highle comic or creative where you’re like well it’s not like I used to do it by country and you’re like it’s it’s more than one

15 minutes, 10 seconds

country but it’s one trip. I’m like I’d like to do it by country and you’re like I have an idea and I’m like all right man was I wrong.

15 minutes, 17 seconds

Wow. I’m so happy you were open.

15 minutes, 19 seconds

I shifted it now to like just tell them about your trip to a bunch. That’s fine. Oh, good. Yeah, I’ll label it however.

15 minutes, 26 seconds

Well, Ari gifted me this this honor of guest the triple guest of the year.

15 minutes, 32 seconds

You thought I was joking. I saw your Kill Tony Yeah.

15 minutes, 34 seconds

uh guest of the year. And I was like, “Oh, you won a Trip Award.” You’re like, “Uh, I I thought you were gagging me.” But man, this sits on my trophy shelf beside the Kill Tony guest of the year award.

15 minutes, 44 seconds

Wow.

15 minutes, 45 seconds

I’m I’m just days away from an Oscar and an Emmy. You got nominated the next year. Did I? Yeah.

15 minutes, 52 seconds

For what?

15 minutes, 54 seconds

Um, you came back on. I’m trying to think where we where we talked about. Oh, I got nominated again on your show. 2025.

16 minutes

Oh. And I went on the gorilla tracker in Africa. Africa. In uh in not Cam um uh uh Hotel Rwanda.

16 minutes, 9 seconds

You got in Rwanda.

16 minutes, 10 seconds

Yeah. You took them all hostage and then it was I remember they were like, “Hey, you’re not even part of this fight, dude. You don’t you can’t there’s what what what’s who’s an ethnic minority

16 minutes, 19 seconds

here? You don’t know.” And you were like, “I’m just here for the love of the game.” It’s like, it’s like putting yourself in like new shoes.

16 minutes, 25 seconds

Wait, now that you mention it, I was the ethnic minority in Africa in Rwanda. You were. You got out of there.

16 minutes, 33 seconds

What do I get? What’s my prize? At least get a lay when you’re leaving. I didn’t get laid once.

16 minutes, 44 seconds

Whoa, dude. Was that your mucus that you swallowed ear? It’s still there.

16 minutes, 48 seconds

Yeah. Wow, that beard’s like a Forget the beard. You’re the only guy I know who grows a sham. Wow,

16 minutes, 56 seconds

dude. But anyways, thank you so much. I I can’t tell you how much I was honored and touched and and that you let me share my long- winded journey with you.

17 minutes, 6 seconds

It was so cool.

17 minutes, 10 seconds

Hey folks, today’s episode is sponsored by Kelshi, the largest prediction market in the USA. Kali allows users to trade

17 minutes, 20 seconds

event contracts peer-to-peer rather than playing against a sports book and it’s available across the country including

17 minutes, 28 seconds

California and good old Texas. Download the Kelshi app and use promo code Harland to get $10 when you trade $10.

17 minutes, 39 seconds

The two trades I’m looking at right now are the California’s governor race and the Los Angeles mayor’s race. These are

17 minutes, 46 seconds

hot. They’re happening. Who knows who’s going to win it? Uh Spencer Pratt seems to have a lot of momentum, but only 26

17 minutes, 55 seconds

of Cali traders currently predict him to win. Now, that there could be an opportunity. I’ll let you decide. Here’s

18 minutes, 2 seconds

how it works. Users must deposit $10, put $10 on a trade, and then a rewarded

18 minutes, 10 seconds

$10. Download the Kelsey app and get $10 when you deposit with code Harland.

18 minutes, 17 seconds

Okay? Use promo code Harland when you sign up to get $10 when you trade $10.

18 minutes, 24 seconds

Are you getting this $10 thing? Good luck. And uh Kelshi, what do trip?

18 minutes, 34 seconds

Cool trip.

18 minutes, 35 seconds

And how close you were to not doing it too. Yeah.

18 minutes, 38 seconds

Was made it even cooler. Yeah, it was it literally was a a junk mail pamphlet

18 minutes, 45 seconds

and I was sorting through my mail right right at the end of my driveway beside the garbage cans and I was like Olive

18 minutes, 52 seconds

Garden home construction build a new toilet add an addition trip around the world on a private jet. I had it halfway

19 minutes, 1 second

pulled it back and I went I saw the Nat Geo logo and anyways they can watch your episode to get all this but thank you so much.

19 minutes, 9 seconds

which I honestly Ari was really um this means a lot and I was very touched and thank you. Yeah.

19 minutes, 15 seconds

U but speak let’s let’s let’s go to where you’ve been now because last time you were here you were literally just prepping to go on I think you went six months.

19 minutes, 26 seconds

Six a little over. Yeah. Almost eight.

19 minutes, 29 seconds

Yeah. So you were here just before you were going to go on your trip. So uh enlighten us. Where did you go and what happened?

19 minutes, 36 seconds

I went all over Latin America. I hadn’t really explored Latin America. I’ve been to Ecuador for during the pandemic. I went, my, you know, live indoor gathering was kind of done. So, I went

19 minutes, 44 seconds

to Ecuador and just kind of stayed there for six months. Get rented a car, went around. But this time, I kind of went to the rest. Wow.

19 minutes, 51 seconds

Latin America. Started in southern Mexico.

19 minutes, 54 seconds

It just geographically started there and then just chased the sun down and and hit the bottom of Argentina at the solstice. You have a kid?

20 minutes, 2 seconds

No, he’s he’s in El Salvador. Oh, I forgot. I forgot about you, buddy. It’s been a long time and I apologize.

20 minutes, 10 seconds

Welcome to stupid pun country. You haven’t been there in a while. Welcome back.

20 minutes, 15 seconds

Should have been chasing the pun right back up here.

20 minutes, 19 seconds

No, but so you what? What? So, southern Mexico. Yeah. I forgot about you. Thanks a lot. Leaves for 6 months.

20 minutes, 27 seconds

Doesn’t What’s my name?

20 minutes, 29 seconds

You don’t know. Hormone. Is that what you said? Did you say hormone?

20 minutes, 33 seconds

Yeah. The Straits of Horlo. Okay, I’ll take that. At least I’m of a famous piece of geography. Free household. What?

20 minutes, 40 seconds

So you you started in southern Mexico like right at the border of No, just a southern the Wakaco region. Okay.

20 minutes, 47 seconds

And so like southern and a little bit and then went kind of east along in the regions along the border to like the old ruins like Penke and [ __ ] Oh wow.

20 minutes, 55 seconds

And then crossed over in El Salvador and then just worked down no cross to Guatemala then El Salvador. I’m sensing,

21 minutes, 2 seconds

and I could be wrong, but this sounds like one of those motorcycle trips. Or how did you do it? Buses. Buses.

21 minutes, 8 seconds

A lot of overnight buses. A lot of day buses. Oh, wow. Yeah.

21 minutes, 12 seconds

Yeah. It’s a little treacherous, isn’t it? Did you feel vulnerable? Did you feel safe?

21 minutes, 16 seconds

The buses. Okay. Not from crime. I was never Well, very rarely was it an issue.

21 minutes, 20 seconds

A couple times, sure, but like mostly those buss are like, “This is not a safe speed for this level of turns and cliffs.” Yeah.

21 minutes, 28 seconds

This is a little more. I’m not in a rush.

21 minutes, 31 seconds

Yeah, if it’s if it’s 16 hours instead of 14, that’s cool.

21 minutes, 34 seconds

Yeah. And there are a lot of scenarios where that bus actually goes up on two wheels almost. I’ve seen it. Yeah. It’s scary.

21 minutes, 43 seconds

Me and O’Neal were leaving a a hike through to Machu Picchu, which you’ve been to. I’ve been there. Yeah.

21 minutes, 50 seconds

About an episode. Yeah. And and it was raining early and there was there was like kind of rock slides coming down. We had to get transported out of there and this guy would like stop. There was like

21 minutes, 58 seconds

it was like a waterfall and then over the road and then cliff again. He’d stop and shine brights on it and he’d be like pretty like please be quiet and like

22 minutes, 7 seconds

looking at all like the where it’s coming and then go okay and then just gun it and turn and I mean we’re looking

22 minutes, 14 seconds

where I can’t I’m out this I can’t see road. I just see fall straight down.

22 minutes, 19 seconds

Yeah. It’s like it’s vertical drop. Yeah.

22 minutes, 23 seconds

Oh dude. Yeah. It’s interesting because in other countries especially, would that be called a third world country? I don’t want to insult anyone.

22 minutes, 32 seconds

I don’t know. It’s major.

22 minutes, 34 seconds

It’s below us. Why don’t we just call it a below country country just to be so we don’t hurt anyone’s feelings cuz it actually is below us.

22 minutes, 42 seconds

It’s funny. Below. I did some below in Peru. You did? Yeah. Oh, and I’m the pun guy. I’m trying to catch up. Okay. Trying to catch up. You’re some relish.

22 minutes, 50 seconds

I’m catching up. Oh, dude. We’re on a roll. It’s a hogy. Let’s go. Oh man.

22 minutes, 58 seconds

Um, but wait. So, when you go to other countries that are aren’t fully developed really. Yeah.

23 minutes, 5 seconds

And it’s interesting. I’ll I’ll switch back to countries that are developed in a second, but you go to some of these countries and the roads are crazy. The

23 minutes, 14 seconds

roads are thin and there’s no real concept of of speed of of curvature and

23 minutes, 23 seconds

it’s not just the people driving, it’s the people coming the other way both ways. Yeah.

23 minutes, 27 seconds

And and and the concept of passing and going into oncoming traffic like it’s it’s almost Yeah. It’s like it’s just

23 minutes, 35 seconds

like we have these two lane roads in in like deep deep country Scotland and the the locals go so [ __ ] fast and I’m

23 minutes, 42 seconds

trying to hold on. I’m We’re all on the wrong side of the road. Them and us. Yeah. From the wrong side.

23 minutes, 47 seconds

So, we’re all getting used to it, I assume.

23 minutes, 50 seconds

Slamming on a brake. There’s a road in Bolivia that they that people can bike down, but it’s I mean, the name of the road is called the Death Road. Wow.

23 minutes, 58 seconds

People take it all the time. And is there a a to a death toll on it?

24 minutes, 2 seconds

Like, yeah, they probably got its name for a good reason. A bunch every year. Really?

24 minutes, 6 seconds

And they keep taking it. It’s the way to go up. It’s funny how people have that incessant need for danger like the running of the bulls every year in Spain.

24 minutes, 16 seconds

Yeah.

24 minutes, 17 seconds

Like these people who can barely run to their gate at an airport. Yeah.

24 minutes, 22 seconds

Decide some guy from Cleveland and his wife. Yeah.

24 minutes, 26 seconds

They they they decide let’s go and stand in a cobblestone road where the footing’s not good and run. It’s almost like a it’s like it’s almost like a Rick and Morty thing.

24 minutes, 35 seconds

Like and what’s some danger? Like how about we send some animals like what? Like bulls. Yeah.

24 minutes, 40 seconds

Like on a cobblestone road. Like I know it’s a dreamscape.

24 minutes, 42 seconds

And not just bulls, but they have daggers on the front of their heads so they can impale us. Full on knives on their head.

24 minutes, 50 seconds

Like people have this this weird for this feel for like danger like that. But a lot of times it happens when they travel for some reason.

24 minutes, 57 seconds

Yeah. Well, this death road was like for the locals. It wasn’t it wasn’t like for the danger. It was for transport. It was like that’s the way to get there. Yeah. That’s just how you get there.

25 minutes, 5 seconds

Imagine you’re a 9 to5 like here you had to go from LA to Orange County and it’s

25 minutes, 12 seconds

2 hours each way just on the 405 and it’s such a grind but every day you got to get on death road.

25 minutes, 19 seconds

It couldn’t be worse than the 405 in traffic. Could be.

25 minutes, 22 seconds

Yeah. Like you just go down a flat freeway back and forth and some, you know, Manuel in Santiago has to go on

25 minutes, 30 seconds

death row to feed his kids to go to the janitor job at the go a nickel an hour.

25 minutes, 36 seconds

Yeah. Yeah. Goodbye, honey. Not sure if I’ll see you tonight. I’m going to be going on the death road, but don’t worry. I have the Tesla. Uh I can take

25 minutes, 45 seconds

my hands off the wheel and sleep while I’m on death road. And on the Teslas there, they just have a morg mode where you’re not going to come back.

25 minutes, 55 seconds

Just set it to not die. Yeah. It has like a a grapes on it that pops out crash. It just goes like that. You can lay flowers there.

26 minutes, 2 seconds

Yeah. And there’s like morticians tools in the trunk instead of a jack. Like we went too far.

26 minutes, 10 seconds

Went too far. It was like people people died, man.

26 minutes, 14 seconds

Yeah. People died. But people do have a proclivity to I think they like the danger when they travel because they can

26 minutes, 22 seconds

come back and they sort of have bragging rights and they have stories and so I think you know people who shouldn’t be paragliding

26 minutes, 30 seconds

behind a boat in the Bermuda Triangle 700 ft in the air.

26 minutes, 34 seconds

Yeah. We could disappear for minus 30 years. Yeah.

26 minutes, 38 seconds

Yeah. Wake up in the 60s and go wait what? What? I just wanted to go water skiing. wake up before they invented paraglides.

26 minutes, 44 seconds

All of a sudden, you’re just free falling because they don’t exist here.

26 minutes, 47 seconds

Yeah. You go through a time warp. I just wanted to go water skiing, but now I’m going to go back and stop the Kennedy assassination. How would you stop it? You woke up.

26 minutes, 55 seconds

Let’s say you got a year. Yeah.

26 minutes, 56 seconds

And but you’re like, “Stop it.” Like, h, what do I do? How would you stop? You’re just You not drive a convertible. No one knows who you are.

27 minutes, 5 seconds

Okay.

27 minutes, 6 seconds

No one’s seen something about Mary. No one’s seen anything. Yeah.

27 minutes, 8 seconds

Your new movie coming out. People haven’t seen that.

27 minutes, 11 seconds

Yeah. You could if you can save up and get a convertible. Yeah. You can try to run them off the road. That’s not going to be good for you.

27 minutes, 17 seconds

No, I mean if you could go back in time and save Kennedy, right? So, how would you do it?

27 minutes, 22 seconds

I would say, “Hey, you’re going for a little drive today. Let’s not put the top down.” Like, real easy, guys. Really easy.

27 minutes, 29 seconds

Like, what was that? Four words. Let’s not put the top down. Five. Yeah. You save a president. Yeah.

27 minutes, 36 seconds

Do you really need the wind in your hair?

27 minutes, 38 seconds

You got great hair, JFK. But soon it’s going to be flying through the air. Use gel, not brain matter. Yeah. If you want to slick it back. Yeah. Use gel.

27 minutes, 46 seconds

Brain matter works so well to slick back hair though. It does. It lasts.

27 minutes, 50 seconds

Oh, nothing like cerebellum to keep your your hair just sticking like glue. Yeah.

27 minutes, 57 seconds

Oh my god. Okay. So, you you’re you’re getting down. You go through.

28 minutes, 1 second

That is the dangerous stuff. People go to the the barios in in in Colombia, Medí to Kimuna 13. They go to uh in Brazil. They go to in Rio the um favllas.

28 minutes, 11 seconds

Wait, I don’t want to sound stupid. What is a You said bario. What is that? The shitty neighborhood. It’s a neighborhood.

28 minutes, 18 seconds

It means neighborhood, but then you mix meize it.

28 minutes, 21 seconds

Oh, I thought it was like like like one of those shady bars where you go and it’s like gringoes and like like you know, street walkers and like you go in

28 minutes, 30 seconds

and you want to have like a a dollar Mexican beer and you come out missing a leg or something. Yeah, that’s all of them. What? So bario is a neighborhood.

28 minutes, 38 seconds

Yeah, it just means neighborhood. But the favlla is in like Rio.

28 minutes, 42 seconds

Rafie Bastos, he like gave me some tips on when I was going to Salo. He goes, “Hey, by the way, don’t I’m sure you already weren’t going to go, but like now more than ever, they’re doing

28 minutes, 50 seconds

shootouts with cops and there’s all these tourists like I want to say I went to the FLLA.” And he goes, “Yeah, don’t do that now.” That’s the thing. They want they want

28 minutes, 58 seconds

that bragging, right? Yeah. It’s like people who climb Everest. What’s the point? What’s the point? Let’s take a picture.

29 minutes, 5 seconds

Just Yeah. But guys, there’s AI now.

29 minutes, 7 seconds

Yeah, I guarantee whoever’s watching this AI, me and him on the top of Everest.

29 minutes, 10 seconds

Please put clothes on us. Make it look proper. Do it now. Send it in to harebite.com.

29 minutes, 16 seconds

I’m going to put it right here. And by the way, if you want to put me and Ari in the running of the bulls. Do that, too.

29 minutes, 22 seconds

What else do we want to do? The Bermuda Triangle.

29 minutes, 25 seconds

Hanging on to the road of death. You like, come on. How about me and you crucified?

29 minutes, 30 seconds

Oh, that’d be a good one. I’m sure they still do that over in the Middle East.

29 minutes, 34 seconds

you’ll be on the other side of it for once. Yeah. Yeah.

29 minutes, 37 seconds

Like let’s let you know. Send them in our websitegmail.com.

29 minutes, 42 seconds

We’ll put the best ones up and you know Yeah. Oh, that’s real, too. Yeah, that’s real, too.

29 minutes, 48 seconds

Go right through it. And No, that’s real, guy. Wow.

29 minutes, 51 seconds

Um Okay. So, let me ask you then since you were gone for seven months, dude. I want to get into that. But, um what was some of the dangerous thing?

30 minutes

And I’m not saying cuz you travel a lot so you’re probably past the bragging rights thing, right? You I know you you you like immersive experiences.

30 minutes, 8 seconds

Food. I’ll try like invite me over.

30 minutes, 10 seconds

Might be socially awkward. I’ll try those. Am I more danger now? You will?

30 minutes, 14 seconds

Yeah. Where like I might not like this, but I’ll try it anyway.

30 minutes, 17 seconds

So did you do anything that was sort of outrageous like physically? Did you go on a rock climb or scuba diving or anything that were you

30 minutes, 25 seconds

Yeah, the Santai pass to Machu Picchu was got to the altitude got to like to the point where it’s like, yeah, this cliffy stuff where you could like you’re

30 minutes, 32 seconds

already kind of hallucinating from the altitude and then you’re like, “No, I just got to go to my car. I just parked my car over here, dude. Dude, we we’ve been hiking for two days. Your car’s No, it’s just in the lot.

30 minutes, 42 seconds

Let me just go Let me just go get it.

30 minutes, 43 seconds

It’s just in the lot. This will be way easier if we can drive us down.” So, hey buddy, there’s no Let’s just go down a little bit. Let’s just go down a little bit. So, let me get this

30 minutes, 51 seconds

straight. I have diving with poisonous fish, Mount Everest, running with the bulls, and you crossing a parking lot to

30 minutes, 59 seconds

find your rental car at the top of a soccer pass. Yeah. Yeah, that’s fair.

31 minutes, 5 seconds

We got a real danger zone guy over here, folks. Are you sure you didn’t just stay in New York? Did you even do this trip?

31 minutes, 12 seconds

You got nine months. What was the big danger? Well, I went and got my car in the parking lot. My Home Depot slapping

31 minutes, 19 seconds

the crippled people was more dangerous than that. There’s no car. I’m imagining it. Oh, so Machu Picchu. How do you say it?

31 minutes, 28 seconds

Maku or Machu?

31 minutes, 29 seconds

It’s up to you really. They’re all dead, so they’re not going to claim anything.

31 minutes, 31 seconds

But I’ll just say [ __ ] you, Piku. How about that? Maka Paka.

31 minutes, 36 seconds

But what people don’t You know what Pichu means?

31 minutes, 38 seconds

Isn’t that like a dessert at Olive Garden?

31 minutes, 41 seconds

It could be. Would you The Pichu crisp? No. What is it? I forgot to ask. I’m asking you. Oh, I know what machu means.

31 minutes, 49 seconds

What does it mean? It’s a It’s a Village People song. Machu. Machu, man. I want to beat you.

31 minutes, 57 seconds

Your big fat pot. Oh my god. For two guys that hate puns.

32 minutes, 2 seconds

We’re really doing good at it. We should go on a pun trip together. We’re two peas in a Twist.

32 minutes, 9 seconds

We should just go on a seven month and just pun pun pun pun pun. Bring puns to these poor countries.

32 minutes, 15 seconds

These third world countries don’t have the puns we have. You got to look at your privilege sometimes.

32 minutes, 18 seconds

We could call it the Rapunzel tour because we’ll both come back with hair like yours. There it is. You can braid it.

32 minutes, 26 seconds

But wait, speaking of humor, when you travel, and then I want to get back to the danger zone stuff cuz I’m not settling for finding the rental at Machu Picchu.

32 minutes, 36 seconds

There’s Okay.

32 minutes, 37 seconds

The the humor when you travel and we’ve both sort of been all over the world, right? That’s fair to say. Yeah.

32 minutes, 45 seconds

I found and see if you can verify this for me.

32 minutes, 49 seconds

I found that American Canadian English humor doesn’t translate well in countries where they don’t speak English

32 minutes, 57 seconds

except for two things. And as a comedian, I tried it everywhere. These two were universal. So if you ever want

33 minutes, 5 seconds

to get a laugh out of someone who speaks the most bizarre language, the word wife. So I would always say if I’m

33 minutes, 13 seconds

buying something or something I buy, I just go, “Ah, my wife.” And they the men would and the woman, they’d always let they just they knew the word wife. Yeah.

33 minutes, 22 seconds

Wife. Like that’s go there’s my wife. You’re buying tomatoes and like my wife. Yeah.

33 minutes, 29 seconds

Like right. You know how they’d be buying tomatoes. Dude, it’s universal. They love wife. And here’s the the next one. Ready?

33 minutes, 39 seconds

Fart noises. You do a fart noise in any country under any circumstance. Almost 99% got a laugh.

33 minutes, 47 seconds

This is reminding me I was I was on a hike in East Team. Here we go.

33 minutes, 52 seconds

And we went all the way up this [ __ ] crazy. This guy’s took me in. This whole family took took me in, slept in the it’s freezing, whatever. And we kind of bonded, but one of them spoke English.

34 minutes, 1 second

The rest didn’t. Yeah.

34 minutes, 2 seconds

On the way down, this guy’s crouched. He farted and fell. And I saw it and I was just like like like without saying it

34 minutes, 9 seconds

like did that fart knock you back and it did and he was like and we both just died without speaking the language. Wow.

34 minutes, 17 seconds

Yeah. Can that be a new term? Fart and fall. Fart and fall. I like that.

34 minutes, 22 seconds

You got to crouch but also that brings the farts out.

34 minutes, 25 seconds

Was it a loud one? Like were you in a mountain p? Was it almost like a borderline yodel? You got to be careful with rock slides. Wow. You got to be careful. That’s like an ass yodel.

34 minutes, 34 seconds

Yeah. might make an avalanche. Oh, dude, you’ve outpuned me now.

34 minutes, 43 seconds

Out pun yourself. Sorry. Whoa. Don’t punch yourself. Easy, Gorggantua. Whatever your name is.

34 minutes, 50 seconds

But wait, so how loud was this fart and how long was it? It was like a good like 4 second fart.

34 minutes, 56 seconds

Doesn’t sound like a lot of time, but let’s do it.

35 minutes, 2 seconds

That’s a fart. Dude, are you sure you didn’t step on a snow leopard? That’s not a That’s not a fart. That’s a That’s a caterpillar graater starting up.

35 minutes, 13 seconds

Wait, I can’t fart. Oh my god, I just realized I can’t do sound effects. I can’t do a fart. Wait, what about that’s it? I’ve been gone too long.

35 minutes, 31 seconds

It sounded like you were licking the Tin Man. I’m bad at sound effects.

35 minutes, 36 seconds

No, but you you did it. You went and then right at the end you went with the squeaker at the end. That was that was my panache.

35 minutes, 42 seconds

But it’s like when the Tin Man and Wizard of O when he first he’s like you think he was releasing farts. Watch Wizard of Oz again with that in mind.

35 minutes, 50 seconds

He’s just ripping them. That’s what it sounded like at the end.

35 minutes, 56 seconds

Um, so that Well, did you try humor as a comedian? Did you have an attempt at humor in these other countries where you can’t communicate humor?

36 minutes, 6 seconds

Yeah. It’s it’s so you forget how natural, you know, you’re a decades plus trained professional at it. Yeah. That’s what you do.

36 minutes, 14 seconds

Yeah. And you meet a a regular person.

36 minutes, 15 seconds

You’re like, well, I have one weapon. I’ I’ve trained in this thing that might be universal. And you try to like Yeah.

36 minutes, 20 seconds

this one guy and and visited a a coffee farm and in Via Kabamba and and his name the name of the place was uh Via Karoma.

36 minutes, 30 seconds

Oh wow.

36 minutes, 30 seconds

And then and it was like the person was with me spoke better Spanish and he was like uh do you know that cuz like via Kabamba and Aroma like they combined it

36 minutes, 39 seconds

and I was like uh see like it’s obvious and the guy died laughing. He did. Yeah cuz I just Yeah. It’s obvious.

36 minutes, 46 seconds

You scored a laugh. I scored and I it feels so good.

36 minutes, 49 seconds

Yeah. It’s the first bridge. If you can get a laugh, it’s the bridge because like you said, like if you’re a knife thrower, you can still throw a

36 minutes, 57 seconds

knife in Moscow. If you can fix a car, you could fix a car radiator in South Korea.

37 minutes, 4 seconds

But you cannot do our craft in any old country. It sort of gets nullified.

37 minutes, 9 seconds

Language is different. And even if they speak the same lang, if they speak a language, it’s still like, I don’t get your sensibility here. Yeah, that’s right.

37 minutes, 16 seconds

Yeah. That’s the other thing that it’s that’s why uh American comedy movies don’t translate well overseas. That’s

37 minutes, 23 seconds

why they don’t make people go why don’t and this is insider talk Hollywood. Yeah.

37 minutes, 28 seconds

Cuz I we’ve been down this lane. I don’t know if you’ve tried to get a comedy film made but they literally don’t make a lot of

37 minutes, 35 seconds

comedy movies because this the comedy doesn’t translate in other countries. So even guys like Sandler and Jim Carrey, it’s a big deal

37 minutes, 44 seconds

to make a comedy. Yeah, action translates action and visual stuff like cars and horror. Horror does well because that’s

37 minutes, 53 seconds

universal like you know some some kid under a bed eating lima beans with you know red eyes that could be anywhere.

38 minutes

So I did see I did see some movies that were set in Latin American countries and it made me go like no unrealistic. I saw Fast and Furious 5. Yeah.

38 minutes, 8 seconds

In Rio and there’s a there’s a scene where this chick is in a FLLA like a

38 minutes, 18 seconds

What? This is just the custom here. God, relax. You’re saying flla?

38 minutes, 24 seconds

Yeah, you’re a fine fella yourself. Thank you.

38 minutes, 28 seconds

What is It’s a bario. It’s a bario on top of the hills in in Rio. And she’s like waking up and she goes to the sink and she pour

38 minutes, 37 seconds

in her face and she like drinks some water and I go, “Nope. The rest of this movie would be her shivering in bed and throwing up, right?

38 minutes, 45 seconds

That’s just a completely unrealistic scene.

38 minutes, 48 seconds

Don’t you hate that when they take for granted that we don’t know? Yeah.

38 minutes, 52 seconds

That like you’re not going to know and it won’t take you out of this. Everyone in Brazil is like what the [ __ ] I saw a movie, it came out years ago called The

39 minutes, 1 second

Bear. And it was a it was by a famous director and it was it was about the it was the whole movie was about a little grizzly bear that got separated from its

39 minutes, 10 seconds

mother and it became a chef. Uh-huh. And it became a chef. What do you mean? Is that what that movie was? Yeah. Okay.

39 minutes, 17 seconds

Became a chef in New York. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. I think I heard of it.

39 minutes, 22 seconds

Yeah. And his favorite meal was slaughtered moose and caribou and he tried to make famous for it.

39 minutes, 27 seconds

Yeah. And nobody went for it. Yeah. And then he was on Skid Row and then he got he bumped into Winnie the Pooh and he showed him his skid marks. Yeah.

39 minutes, 35 seconds

And then it was on.

39 minutes, 36 seconds

Yeah. It was just a mess. Heroin, honey, everywhere.

39 minutes, 41 seconds

But anyways, there was this movie and it wasn’t it wasn’t CGI. It was it was a real chronicling of a bear of a real grizzly bear and its cub. But

39 minutes, 50 seconds

obviously they use different seasons to to get all the footage. Oh, it’s like the great adventure Disney things where it’s like they just go and they kind of follow them from afar.

39 minutes, 58 seconds

Yeah.

39 minutes, 58 seconds

But what they did is, you know, the these are mountain dwelling bears. The grizzlies live up in the in the Rockies and they’re they’re in real like northern terrain.

40 minutes, 7 seconds

So there’s a scene where they must have staged it in a studio with the cub because you can wrangle the cubs and you

40 minutes, 14 seconds

know the cub’s lost in the forest and instead of real bear noises it sounds like a muppet. It’s like,

40 minutes, 22 seconds

you know, and all of a sudden it comes up to a pond and of course in the pond you have to have a turtle. So they have

40 minutes, 30 seconds

the turtle waddle out of the water and it’s a [ __ ] tortoise from the desert.

40 minutes, 35 seconds

First of all, would never be in the mountains. No way.

40 minutes, 38 seconds

Would be nowhere near the water. But they just think you don’t know. And it drives me nuts that stuff.

40 minutes, 44 seconds

We saw a I was in Buenos Aries for Christmas. Okay. Okay.

40 minutes, 48 seconds

And I was like, “Let me fight a an Argentinian Christmas movie.” Oh, who doesn’t want to see one of those during the holidays? Got close.

40 minutes, 56 seconds

I don’t know. It was so dramatic.

41 minutes, 1 second

Uh, I found a Hallmark movie called My Argentinian Heart. My Argentine heart. You did not.

41 minutes, 6 seconds

I did. It was so bad. I’m lucky cuz I was like 15 people like, “This is what you pick.” It was bad enough to be good.

41 minutes, 12 seconds

It was It was bad enough to be good. So, right away, you’re on holidays.

41 minutes, 16 seconds

Yeah. and you sought out, you took time out of your precious holiday to find an Argentinian Christmas movie.

41 minutes, 22 seconds

We’re all in a hostel. We’re like, let’s do something. And we’re like, let’s let’s try something local here.

41 minutes, 30 seconds

Hey guys, Harland here, and this may be a little personal, but is there something off in the old bedroom? In the old sacaroni?

41 minutes, 40 seconds

Okay. Well, don’t freak your face out.

41 minutes, 43 seconds

You’re not the only one if it is. Now, a lot of guys take longer than they need to take action to kind of work on it.

41 minutes, 52 seconds

The difference now getting real treatment is simple and through HIMS.

41 minutes, 57 seconds

HIMS, it’s 100% online. HIMYM connects you with a licensed health care provider

42 minutes, 5 seconds

right there online, giving you simple access to legitimate ED treatment options from home. No awkward

42 minutes, 15 seconds

appointment, none of those weird pharmacy lines, no going to sit in a doctor’s waiting room and everyone’s staring at you. Has he got ED?

42 minutes, 24 seconds

So, here’s what you got to do. If you’re prescribed, your treatment ships directly to your door in discrete packaging. Nobody’s going to know. Your

42 minutes, 33 seconds

neighbors aren’t going to know you got the ED. Now, to get simple online access to personalized, affordable care for ED,

42 minutes, 41 seconds

hair loss, weight loss, and more, please visit hymns.com/harland.

42 minutes, 47 seconds

That’s hymns.com/harland for your free online visit. hymns.com/harland.

42 minutes, 54 seconds

A prescription is required. See website for details and important safety information.

43 minutes, 1 second

Celindafil is the generic version of Viagra and Viagra is a registered

43 minutes, 7 seconds

trademark of Viatas Specialty LLC. Hymns is not affiliated with or endorsed by

43 minutes, 15 seconds

Viatas. Okay. So guys, if you want to get rocking and rolling in the old

43 minutes, 22 seconds

bedroom, you better check out Hams instead of watching like that’s where

43 minutes, 32 seconds

the old dude sings a song about Christmas to get up in the charts. What’s that one? Bing Crosby.

43 minutes, 42 seconds

Last Christmas.

43 minutes, 44 seconds

No, not that. I don’t know the name of a movie. Oh, it’s a movie. It’s a movie. A Christmas movie.

43 minutes, 50 seconds

It’s a Christmas time movie. And the guy from Walking Dead is in it and he like leaves uh Shannon Susman or one of those ladies. He like has to say he’s in love with her. It’s like a It’s like an ensemble.

43 minutes, 59 seconds

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh what’s love got to do with it or something or something like that? Love. Love intentionally or something. Love something.

44 minutes, 7 seconds

Yeah. Love actually. Love actually. Nice.

44 minutes, 12 seconds

Oh, it feels good. No computer, no nothing. You didn’t send off a carrier pigeon to go, “Hey, got me five.” That’s what they did in the old days. And

44 minutes, 19 seconds

before they had cell phones, you write your question on a carrier pigeon on his leg. Send it to the next town. Yeah. Next town, come back.

44 minutes, 27 seconds

Tom Petty was born in Michigan. Oh, cool. Got the answer.

44 minutes, 33 seconds

And then you know, yeah, I don’t know the song either, but now I remember it was that older guy. Yeah.

44 minutes, 40 seconds

He was in one of the vampire movies, too. Wow. Yeah.

44 minutes, 45 seconds

Yeah. Yeah. He played sort of an aging rock star.

44 minutes, 49 seconds

He didn’t give a [ __ ] Oh, wow.

44 minutes, 51 seconds

But he did try to get his song charting again. He did kind of care. Yeah.

44 minutes, 54 seconds

Anyway, instead of watching that, let’s watch my Argentine heart. Yeah.

44 minutes, 58 seconds

But then it was like, wait, you just you just took a car ride from Buenos to Mendoza. That’s a seven hour 7-day trip.

45 minutes, 7 seconds

You can’t just drive. That’s you just combined them. That’s like it’s not real. They know no one is from Argentina is going to watch that.

45 minutes, 13 seconds

Dude, you could have saved a lot of time and money and just gone from your house here to the Glendale Galleria and to the Cinniplex.

45 minutes, 21 seconds

Said it was Mendoza. How? Oh, I could have to watch it. Yeah.

45 minutes, 27 seconds

You think the Hallmark movies are streaming at the Cinniplex? No. No.

45 minutes, 31 seconds

Maybe. Maybe a Lowe’s, but not a Come on.

45 minutes, 34 seconds

Okay. Look, I build you as a world traveler. I’ve asked for danger.

45 minutes, 41 seconds

Okay, I’ve asked for this so far. The two stores I got finding my car at Machu Picchu and going to a Christmas movie.

45 minutes, 49 seconds

Okay, now either you kick it into gear, Guliver’s Travels, okay, or I’m going to just start asking you about, you know, Sicily Tyson.

46 minutes

Was there anything on your fabulous Here we go. drug dealer in Medí.

46 minutes, 4 seconds

Here we go. Why didn’t you lead with that? Should have led with that.

46 minutes, 7 seconds

What is going on with you ask me to one up it and I can’t. What am I going to go from there to like I couldn’t find my I hear it. Oh, there it is.

46 minutes, 15 seconds

Dude, don’t worry. I’ve got these sexual activity questions coming in behind the danger questions because I know you like to power ride.

46 minutes, 25 seconds

I know you like to hammer jack. That’s the danger.

46 minutes, 27 seconds

You love to go right through these weak women.

46 minutes, 30 seconds

They don’t have the calcium we have. You go right through them.

46 minutes, 33 seconds

Hold it. Can we But then the villagers are all chasing you. Could could be. Okay.

46 minutes, 38 seconds

Put the bra. We’re going to get to it, my guy. Let’s get to You’re with a drug dealer. Why do I have a feeling it’s a furniture shop and you guys are eating a sandwich? Like, this better be edgy.

46 minutes, 48 seconds

This better be edgy, guy. I’m going to pull that Gilligans Island hat right down and like one of those hockey Toronto fights.

46 minutes, 58 seconds

Why am I Why my shirt going up? Who fights this way? Never fight with someone from Toronto or try to keep up with drinking. Okay.

47 minutes, 6 seconds

Heroin story.

47 minutes, 7 seconds

Well, I just buy weed. I thought it was safe and fine. Okay.

47 minutes, 11 seconds

200. He said 500. I’m like, no. That’s crazy. That’s crazy what you’re saying.

47 minutes, 16 seconds

And I’m like, 200 immediately. I was like, that’s a too high a price anyway. But I was like, you got me. You got me. So, let’s do it.

47 minutes, 24 seconds

Okay. So, okay. Let’s let’s here here’s two.

47 minutes, 27 seconds

And then some other guy, some little shrimp. I guess his friend was like, “400 more.” A trip shrimp. Shrimp.

47 minutes, 34 seconds

Little tiny [ __ ] like a like a Greg Fitz Simmons of Medí.

47 minutes, 38 seconds

Yeah. And he goes, “400 more?” I was like, “Why?” And he goes, “No, it’s not 200. That’s you got to pay me more.” I was like, “No, who are you?” And it was this guy’s boss.

47 minutes, 46 seconds

The shrimp?

47 minutes, 47 seconds

Yeah. The shrimp was the boss. And I’m like, “No, I already had a deal with this guy.” Uh oh. And he goes, “It’s 600. No, come on.

47 minutes, 54 seconds

This is drugs. Don’t [ __ ] around. Give me Come on.” And I’m like, “No, no, then take it back.” And he goes, “That’s not possible.” Oh, yeah. And I was like, and it was me and

48 minutes, 2 seconds

all my friends. And I was like, “Dude, no, I’m not.” He goes, “Listen, we pay off the cops. You’re either going to pay me or I’m going to follow you back to where you were staying and I’m going to

48 minutes, 10 seconds

do really bad [ __ ] to you.” Whoa.

48 minutes, 12 seconds

You don’t want that. And I was like, “This from a shrimp.” Shrimp. Yeah. But like kind of gangy.

48 minutes, 19 seconds

But you’re not feeling scared. Like how tall is this shrimp?

48 minutes, 22 seconds

Not bad. I’m not going to be violent against him if we got a knife or a gun. Yeah. So, did you shell it out?

48 minutes, 28 seconds

Eventually, one of my friends started cussing at him in Spanish, calling him bed. And I was like, “Whoa, whoa, just some chick.” She got away with it.

48 minutes, 36 seconds

It was a chick.

48 minutes, 37 seconds

Yeah. We started screaming at him and then eventually he kind of backed off.

48 minutes, 41 seconds

He’s like, “Fuck, [ __ ] Give me 50.” And then I did.

48 minutes, 45 seconds

Okay, I got to stop again just for Okay, so pause, pause. So, where was Schweps invented?

48 minutes, 51 seconds

No, my guy. My guy. Okay, I wanted an action story. I got searching for my car

48 minutes, 58 seconds

in a parking lot. I wanted adventure. I got a Christmas movie in Argentina.

49 minutes, 6 seconds

I wanted a drug story. I get you in a parking lot being rescued by a girl over a joint. Wow.

49 minutes, 14 seconds

Ari. Yeah. Guy.

49 minutes, 16 seconds

Not as not as I can bring in a high school kid from Orange County and get these stories.

49 minutes, 23 seconds

I didn’t get rushed by gorillas. Can we like can we get something happening here, guy? I I want to give you this

49 minutes, 30 seconds

award back. But I want this to be an awardw worthy show.

49 minutes, 36 seconds

Well, I’m struggling right now. You’re struggling. Yeah, it’s true.

49 minutes, 40 seconds

Who did you tra Let me help you. Who did you travel with? Was your girlfriend? I met people. I met people. Did your girlfriend go? No.

49 minutes, 46 seconds

I thought you told me in New York you were taking your girl.

49 minutes, 49 seconds

Yeah, I I don’t really talk about her much, but Yeah.

49 minutes, 51 seconds

Oh, is it is it done? Yeah, it’s all right. Leave it alone.

49 minutes, 55 seconds

That’s a sensitive area. What was her name?

49 minutes, 58 seconds

No, I’m I’m not going to even ask. What was the fight about? I’m not even going to ask. No. No. Off limits. Do you still

50 minutes, 6 seconds

talk to her? No. I’m All right. I mean, it’s going to be better than his travel stories, folks. Uh, but Okay. So, you went with your buddies.

50 minutes, 14 seconds

Yeah.

50 minutes, 15 seconds

Can I just say one thing and I’ll I’ll get out of the relationship thing. Yeah. Okay.

50 minutes, 20 seconds

Because when you told me you were going with your girl.

50 minutes, 22 seconds

Yeah. And I know it’s a a sore spot. I’m not going to dwell. I was sort of really jealous and really happy

50 minutes, 31 seconds

because I knew you were going for an extended trip.

50 minutes, 34 seconds

And it’s hard to find a partner in life, a woman who’s just going to pick and and all due respect to what I love about you. You’ve you’re sort of hippie-ish to

50 minutes, 43 seconds

a degree. You’re very cosmopolitan New York, but you got this hippie side where you’ll just vagabond.

50 minutes, 48 seconds

Well, I’ll tell you what. And to have a woman to to do that in partnership, I I was really like, “Wow.” I’ll tell you what made it helpful is I

50 minutes, 56 seconds

met a dude in Peru who’s traveling for three years with his wife. Wow. On a sidec car of a motorcycle. Oh, wow. And I’m like, “How’s this trip going?

51 minutes, 4 seconds

Where’s your wife?” Cuz she’s not here this week. He’s a a week every month. They split up. Oh, wow.

51 minutes, 11 seconds

So, I started doing that, too. It’s He said it saved everything. And I was like, “Yeah, let’s have our own little adventures.” But his was a week. Yours was over half a year.

51 minutes, 21 seconds

No. And then we’d separate. Oh, so she was there.

51 minutes, 24 seconds

Yeah. And then we’d separate for how long?

51 minutes, 27 seconds

A week at a time and then meet. Let’s meet up in this city.

51 minutes, 30 seconds

So for 6 months you guys did this zigzag.

51 minutes, 33 seconds

Yeah. Like, hey, take off, take off, let’s meet up, travel together, and then see you. See you.

51 minutes, 38 seconds

Oh, then how come you didn’t want to talk about it or did at the end of it you broke up?

51 minutes, 43 seconds

I just I don’t know. It’s like it’s I so many podcast once you get other people it’s like yeah there’s a weird influx.

51 minutes, 49 seconds

Okay. And she’s probably watching on flux.

51 minutes, 52 seconds

Is she on Tinder at all? Because I’ she sounds really adventurous. I’d love to flux is not that’s a pretty good word for it.

52 minutes, 1 second

All right. I’m going to leave it alone cuz that that’s that’s sensitive stuff.

52 minutes, 5 seconds

But it was a good way to travel. So you you separate and you come back like oh refresh. I got my own [ __ ] to tell you. You got your own [ __ ] to tell me.

52 minutes, 11 seconds

Yeah. And then when you do get back together, like the missing factor is there. Yeah. Your your sex drive is

52 minutes, 19 seconds

you’re excited to see them. So there’s always that first night of wild love making.

52 minutes, 23 seconds

Oh yeah. You go prostitute park and med go [ __ ] watch him and just like let’s do some of the move. Give me some moves, lady. Wow. I talk to him. What what do you got?

52 minutes, 32 seconds

What what’s the guy do?

52 minutes, 34 seconds

No, I mean when you got back that week with your girl.

52 minutes, 36 seconds

Yeah, I know. Then you go hang out with the prostitutes and ask him for advice with your girl.

52 minutes, 40 seconds

Yeah. Everybody likes watching tootses get picked up.

52 minutes, 43 seconds

So you and your girl would get a prostate. No, no, no, no, no. You go talk to them. Just talk. Yeah. Just smoke a Lucy, maybe a crush.

52 minutes, 52 seconds

I’m sorry. And go watch the tootses.

52 minutes, 56 seconds

That almost sounded like a pavverian greleback.

53 minutes

Yeah, you really saw some of those out there.

53 minutes, 2 seconds

Wow. So, wait a minute. Now we have a prostitute story. Oh, yeah. I didn’t get any.

53 minutes, 8 seconds

I’m getting with it. You’re going to talk to them in a parking lot. I don’t want tootses. I’m with people. When does this kick into gear, guy?

53 minutes, 14 seconds

I’m with people. I just want to talk to This might be the worst 6 months I’ve ever talked.

53 minutes, 19 seconds

It could be. It could be one of the worst.

53 minutes, 21 seconds

So, you went with your girl to get a prostitute and you just talked. You know what they do when you pay them, right?

53 minutes, 28 seconds

Anything you want. You can talk to the guy at the bus station selling tickets for free. Talk is cheap. Apparently not.

53 minutes, 36 seconds

Hell, you paid a gal to do it, dude. This is Parker there. You just sit and watch them all and just smoke

53 minutes, 44 seconds

cigarettes and just watch them get picked up. It’s really fun.

53 minutes, 47 seconds

Oh, so it’s sort of a people watching exercise instead of people. It’s a prosty watching exercise. Oh, wow.

53 minutes, 55 seconds

Two part.

53 minutes, 55 seconds

Okay. Okay. So, let’s get back to you talked about eating. Yeah.

54 minutes, 2 seconds

Sometimes when you go to these other countries, I don’t know because we haven’t traveled together, but I’m a picky eater.

54 minutes, 11 seconds

I get a little squeamish. Like there’s some countries where they they take the egg with the with the the bird formed.

54 minutes, 18 seconds

Yeah. And they eat the the form the fertilized.

54 minutes, 21 seconds

I’ve had that Cambodia. Not even in Philippines. In Cambodia, I had that.

54 minutes, 25 seconds

Talk to me here. This the excuse me, I’m playing the podcast just started. Folks, Ari’s traveling. Should have asked him

54 minutes, 33 seconds

right out of the gate. Have you ever eaten a bird a day before it was supposed to enter the world and that’s not a Dr. Seuss book?

54 minutes, 41 seconds

Yeah. It’s supposed to help with your bonos. With your boners. What?

54 minutes, 44 seconds

Yeah. Makes you good at dancing, they say.

54 minutes, 47 seconds

So, just so they know, it’s a fetus that’s not developed. So, chicken eggs either either fertilized or not. Yeah.

54 minutes, 54 seconds

You can tell because if they sit on them, they’re fertilized. They leave them alone. They’re not.

54 minutes, 58 seconds

Yeah. And then when they’re fertilized, you let them start to grow in the egg.

55 minutes, 2 seconds

Goes from a drop a dot of blood. You don’t can’t see it. Little more, a little more, a little more. And a little bit before they would hatch, you crack

55 minutes, 11 seconds

them. And And there’s the the the bird a day away from pecking his way out of the shell.

55 minutes, 17 seconds

I don’t know what the time table is, but Yeah. Exactly. And so it doesn’t have bones. It’s got the like before bone. Yeah. It’s got like wet feathers.

55 minutes, 26 seconds

Wet feathers. Looks like it would be hard, but it’s kind of like you just kind of suck it down. Oh, you don’t bite it.

55 minutes, 32 seconds

You don’t. There’s It’s not It’s not like hard like that. So, you don’t have to chew through it. What about the beak?

55 minutes, 38 seconds

The beak is the only thing that might be a touch hard if you wait too long. Then the beak is like maybe you got to spit it out like a sunflower seed.

55 minutes, 45 seconds

Use it as a toothpick after maybe as the ultimate insult to its sacrifice.

55 minutes, 49 seconds

What a badass toothpick. And then I heard before before you put a little salt on it, eat the egg, you pull the top off and

55 minutes, 58 seconds

the embryotic juices, you drinkuck like a broth. Yeah. You suck the whole thing in. You’ve done this.

56 minutes, 4 seconds

Yeah. And then some guy comes by and goes, “Going dancing.” And you’re like, “What? Why’ I give him a Mexican accent? It was Cambodia. Going dancing.” Yo.

56 minutes, 13 seconds

Yeah. You’re all broth. You messed up on fetus broth. Well, I couldn’t have a beard like that. Can I sniff your beard? Yeah. This section is better.

56 minutes, 21 seconds

Can I please get over here? I just folks, I got to snip. Give me a minute.

56 minutes, 30 seconds

What do you smell? Just give me a minute.

56 minutes, 31 seconds

Notes of Hang on.

56 minutes, 42 seconds

Oh, come on. Jesus. O.

56 minutes, 53 seconds

Damn. Is that really you all right? You want to shs or anything? Oh, damn.

57 minutes, 4 seconds

Damn, bro.

57 minutes, 7 seconds

There’s some like bird fetus in that beard.

57 minutes, 10 seconds

Smell your own stuff. That’s the problem. It’s like fart. Yeah, you can’t smell it. I could. I get it a little. I guess this side. Wow. That side.

57 minutes, 19 seconds

Holy God. So you ate How many of these dead birds did you eat? A whole flock.

57 minutes, 24 seconds

I had two. They were like, “One’s enough.” And I was like, “Let me have another one.” What? It’s sort of one of those things that grows on you.

57 minutes, 31 seconds

How did it get in a restaurant in New York? New York. New York City. That’s called a pigeon in New York. Hi, dude.

57 minutes, 38 seconds

Wait, how much is an unborn chicken a bird feed egg delight? Pretty cheap. Pretty cheap. Did you say cheap?

57 minutes, 47 seconds

Cheap. cheap.

57 minutes, 49 seconds

You know what’s more expensive is a guinea pig. Oh no.

57 minutes, 53 seconds

Cooked guinea pig. And that’s like 30 bucks. Bring the beard over. They Oh, boy. Good lord. Like you ate a guinea pig.

58 minutes, 4 seconds

A minute.

58 minutes, 4 seconds

Yeah. Let it in. Let it marinate, so to speak.

58 minutes, 10 seconds

No. Hold it. No. No. Harlon, once you break the seal, it’s in your mouth. Then let it go. Oh boy. Oh boy.

58 minutes, 19 seconds

Oh boy. That’s not good. Oh boy. Har get him a schw.

58 minutes, 30 seconds

Oh. Oh my god. A guinea pig skull.

58 minutes, 34 seconds

Dude, what the hell were you eating? You’re a picky eater? That’s crazy.

58 minutes, 41 seconds

Wow. This came out of your beard, not mine. Oh, out of my beard. Into my butt. Dude, wait. So, you ate a guinea pig? Multiples.

58 minutes, 48 seconds

You want to go to Petco later for lunch? Wow. They They don’t even take the head off. They’re like this.

58 minutes, 55 seconds

Dude, you know there’s there’s a bunch of little kids right now watching this crying.

59 minutes

Not the ones in Peru. They’ll be like, “Oo, give me that.” They got like And then they’re like, “Why did you just take the head off?” Like, cheek meat. The cheek meat’s rude.

59 minutes, 8 seconds

Guinea pig cheek meat.

59 minutes, 9 seconds

Yeah. The whole body’s sure, but the cheek meat is special. They’re about this big, right? Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah. Maybe like that. But why? Why did you eat a guinea pig?

59 minutes, 18 seconds

It’s so good.

59 minutes, 19 seconds

What’s it taste like? I don’t even know the answer. Stuck.

59 minutes, 24 seconds

Oh, I thought you were going to say gerbble. I was like something’s there. That’s it.

59 minutes, 29 seconds

Um, yeah.

59 minutes, 31 seconds

All over the Andes. That’s like a normal thing.

59 minutes, 33 seconds

Yeah, that’s normal, right? That that people have them in their homes. I was in uh I was in Nepal and people had them just running around

59 minutes, 41 seconds

in their houses in their homes. That’s appalling. Oh, wow. Hang on.

59 minutes, 50 seconds

What? That pun. Wow. One of your puns made me barf.

59 minutes, 58 seconds

Okay. So, you ate that and a guinea pig.

1 hour, 2 seconds

Yeah. It I I mean I anytime I can get a chance for some kooey, I’m eating kooi. Is that what it’s called? Yeah. Kooi.

1 hour, 9 seconds

Yeah. It’s not like a It’s not like a novelty thing like those like like like big tarantulas at a a park in like you know Thailand. This is like a standard celebration dish.

1 hour, 18 seconds

Wow. Yeah. Graduation. We’re getting kooey.

1 hour, 22 seconds

Would a guy named George be able to eat that? George Kooi. Kooi. George.

1 hour, 29 seconds

Just George Kooi. Could have left it right there. Okay.

1 hour, 32 seconds

I mean I had to do something to stop, you know. Um Okay. So, anything else? Cow heart was big. What?

1 hour, 40 seconds

Cow heart was big in Peru at the cucho. Is that what it’s called?

1 hour, 44 seconds

Uhhuh. Big [ __ ] big chunk of cow heart. Is that Is that Is it really? Yeah.

1 hour, 51 seconds

How do they prep it? Is it Is it like rawish or seared or is do they have to really cook it deep?

1 hour, 57 seconds

You cook it like barbecue. Just like barbecue. It looks like a little pasted fillet minion. About that. Really?

1 hour, 1 minute, 2 seconds

And squared. Yeah. And it is really Yeah.

1 hour, 1 minute, 5 seconds

That’s something you could never find here. No. Really? You could not?

1 hour, 1 minute, 9 seconds

I I’ve never seen that. Even at the weird butcher shops.

1 hour, 1 minute, 12 seconds

Yeah. You like Antie Cucho? And they go, “No.” Yeah.

1 hour, 1 minute, 16 seconds

Ain’t Did you eat brain?

1 hour, 1 minute, 19 seconds

No. I’ve had it in Fairfax. That old animal place. What’s that place called in Fairfax? Animal. Animal. I don’t know. The veterinarian club.

1 hour, 1 minute, 28 seconds

That’s what it is. Yeah. The leftovers.

1 hour, 1 minute, 29 seconds

They dump them out. You can fry them up however you want. This tastes a little gassy. You ever eat brain? No.

1 hour, 1 minute, 36 seconds

So, you’re a picky eater while you travel?

1 hour, 1 minute, 38 seconds

I had a Can I do a buddy of mine? A buddy of mine in Canada did a joke and to this day it’s one of my favorite jokes.

1 hour, 1 minute, 46 seconds

Uh, a guy named Paul Irving up in Canada. I don’t think he does standup anymore, but he said, “I went to India and tried the monkey

1 hour, 1 minute, 54 seconds

brain.” And I was like, “Waiter, this monkey tastes stupid.

1 hour, 2 minutes, 1 second

Nice. Last word of the line, too. Well, well, wellformed. Wait, what? Wellformed. Last word of the line.

1 hour, 2 minutes, 8 seconds

Yeah. You know, stupid. Yeah. At the very end.

1 hour, 2 minutes, 11 seconds

Isn’t it interesting that your mind broke it down like that? You like dissected the joke. Yeah. I’ I never would have thought of that.

1 hour, 2 minutes, 19 seconds

Why did you do that? I’m curious.

1 hour, 2 minutes, 21 seconds

I don’t know. It was like It was a funny joke and it was like you save it through. There’s nothing There’s no tail end of that. It’s like right there at the very end. Let you laugh. There’s no more words coming you got to listen to.

1 hour, 2 minutes, 29 seconds

Perfect.

1 hour, 2 minutes, 30 seconds

But the fact that your mind not only absorbed the joke but went to its structure like why it was good. Yeah, that fascinates me. Do you do that with

1 hour, 2 minutes, 38 seconds

all jokes? Do you sort of dissect them and and I guess sometimes I guess. I don’t know.

1 hour, 2 minutes, 43 seconds

I didn’t think about it. I thought it was just basic autism cuz that just that just came out of you like like instant. Oh yeah, great. The last line of the joke. Yeah,

1 hour, 2 minutes, 50 seconds

it’s wellformed, right? Yeah, it’s wellformed.

1 hour, 2 minutes, 53 seconds

Who does that? I I don’t know. Do you not? I don’t know.

1 hour, 2 minutes, 56 seconds

Maybe that’s the revealing moment that that proves you just really are a true comedian. Like there’s a there’s sort of a puritanical element to what you just did. I I’m sort of in awe. I like that.

1 hour, 3 minutes, 7 seconds

Yeah.

1 hour, 3 minutes, 8 seconds

I’ve never seen a comedian do that and you just did it without thinking. I guess so. It’s kind of cool.

1 hour, 3 minutes, 14 seconds

Yeah, I guess it is kind of cool. I’m a comic. [ __ ] Here you go, guy. Best joke of 2026 so far.

1 hour, 3 minutes, 20 seconds

Best joke breakdown. That’s I just joke breakdown is what’s on the off what’s on there and just write what you want.

1 hour, 3 minutes, 27 seconds

I Yeah, I really You know what? Give me that back. It looks a lot like a bird egg on the top.

1 hour, 3 minutes, 31 seconds

I don’t want you to put that in your mouth.

1 hour, 3 minutes, 35 seconds

Um now I want to go back quickly to the driving because I left out a part where we were talking about the insanity of driving in underdeveloped places.

1 hour, 3 minutes, 44 seconds

God damn. But then I want to ask you cut to places that are overdeveloped and the autobond in Germany where there is no

1 hour, 3 minutes, 53 seconds

speed limit. You can go as fast as your car will take you and it’s on a beautifully constructed German roadway.

1 hour, 4 minutes

Have you ever?

1 hour, 4 minutes, 1 second

So these people these places you can also go as fast as you want to but it’s not beautifully constructed.

1 hour, 4 minutes, 8 seconds

Yeah. Yeah. I was on a a mountain drive in Ecuador and when the fog rolls in, you can’t see and it rolls in often, you can’t see 10 ft in front of you.

1 hour, 4 minutes, 17 seconds

Yeah.

1 hour, 4 minutes, 17 seconds

And now you’re on a highway and there’s trucks coming barreling down on you and all of a sudden as you’re driving and you’re crushing a corner, the the one of the two lanes is gone.

1 hour, 4 minutes, 27 seconds

Oh yeah.

1 hour, 4 minutes, 27 seconds

It’s just caved into mountain to just cliff. So you stop but you can’t see 10 ft behind you and cars are going by.

1 hour, 4 minutes, 35 seconds

Right. And you got to get out of that lane cuz somebody might be coming too.

1 hour, 4 minutes, 38 seconds

It’s and then zip back. Yeah.

1 hour, 4 minutes, 41 seconds

It’s so frightening. I stopped trying to make Google Maps would be like 6 hour drive. That means 12. Yeah. Right.

1 hour, 4 minutes, 47 seconds

Yeah. Driving that speed. It’s just like they’re all off. Google Maps doesn’t work down there at all.

1 hour, 4 minutes, 52 seconds

Yeah. No rhyme or reason. Have you ever been to Cairo in Egypt? And right in the center of town,

1 hour, 4 minutes, 59 seconds

the very epicenter of of the city, there’s just this giant town square. And

1 hour, 5 minutes, 5 seconds

at rush hour, 4,000 cars converge. It’s like sunbeams going backwards. They all come in. There’s no street light and

1 hour, 5 minutes, 14 seconds

they all just kind of honk at each other to get around each other.

1 hour, 5 minutes, 18 seconds

It’s like watching a Rubik’s cube with ants and it works out.

1 hour, 5 minutes, 22 seconds

Somehow they do it. It’s not well. It’s It’s not done well. Every day it’s like a circus and you take for granted it’s like, “Oh, I was stuck in

1 hour, 5 minutes, 30 seconds

traffic for four minutes trying to get to the Olive Garden and it’s like it makes you appreciate what you got a little better.” I was in Cairo or in

1 hour, 5 minutes, 37 seconds

Egypt near there and uh and this guy got off he was on the freeway like this. He gets off his lane because there’s an explosion.

1 hour, 5 minutes, 45 seconds

Yeah.

1 hour, 5 minutes, 45 seconds

Not happened but had happened. So this this is done gets into oncoming traffic for a few blocks and then back into into our highway. Mhm.

1 hour, 5 minutes, 54 seconds

And this guy also told me to take my seatelt off. Yeah.

1 hour, 5 minutes, 57 seconds

He was like, “That’s gay, dude.” Yeah. It’s gay.

1 hour, 6 minutes

He was like, “You don’t have to wear that hair.” And I go, “Okay.” Goes, “So, take it off.” Yeah. You don’t want to be driving into oncoming traffic all gayed up. Yeah. It’s going to hurt your chest.

1 hour, 6 minutes, 8 seconds

Yeah. You want to be like the Fast and the Furious. You want to You want a posture. You want to be the peacock with the display. Yeah. I’m going the wrong way in traffic player.

1 hour, 6 minutes, 22 seconds

Uh, dude, can I read a statistic to you that that is because I I I so admire

1 hour, 6 minutes, 29 seconds

your journeys, your travel, that the fact that you have this sort of gypsy spirit, but yet you still manage a career.

1 hour, 6 minutes, 36 seconds

I get work done, you know, I’m not abandoning all of it.

1 hour, 6 minutes, 39 seconds

You don’t you you’re one of these guys that really knows how to manage your time.

1 hour, 6 minutes, 43 seconds

I put out your second episode on my podcast. I had been gone for four months already. I think it came out in October and I left in July.

1 hour, 6 minutes, 51 seconds

I want to read you something and get your your take on this.

1 hour, 6 minutes, 55 seconds

Okay. If this is the lyrics of that song from Love Actually, I’m going to blow my Everybody eats I’m more baby birds.

1 hour, 7 minutes, 3 seconds

Um, never left the US. Around 40% of Americans have never been outside of the country.

1 hour, 7 minutes, 11 seconds

American adults or is this all America? Are we talking about under 14y olds?

1 hour, 7 minutes, 16 seconds

What are we talking about here? I It just says Americans. I wish you wouldn’t ruin it with your nosy questions.

1 hour, 7 minutes, 24 seconds

Okay.

1 hour, 7 minutes, 25 seconds

I I don’t know. But even it’s probably adult. It’s got to be adults.

1 hour, 7 minutes, 28 seconds

Even I mean 40% have never left the US.

1 hour, 7 minutes, 30 seconds

Have never have never been outside of the country. And more than half of Americans don’t have passports.

1 hour, 7 minutes, 37 seconds

Wow. Yeah.

1 hour, 7 minutes, 39 seconds

And then 11% of Americans have never traveled outside of the state they were born.

1 hour, 7 minutes, 45 seconds

And roughly 13% of Americans have never flown in an airplane. Oh, that’s poverty.

1 hour, 7 minutes, 52 seconds

And so it I mean finances wait 10 one out of 10 people haven’t left their state, right? And almost 50% have never left the perimeter of the USA.

1 hour, 8 minutes, 3 seconds

If it’s Alaska or Hawaii, I get it.

1 hour, 8 minutes, 5 seconds

The rest are like how locked are. You didn’t even go on a long roadie. Yeah, it’s who you drew a claimation show about traveling through the states.

1 hour, 8 minutes, 16 seconds

Yeah. Gary and Mike. Yeah. Yeah. Comedy Central.

1 hour, 8 minutes, 19 seconds

Uh it was it was uh UPN when that was a little network and then they put it on Comedy Central. You can see it on YouTube still. Gary and Mike. But I want

1 hour, 8 minutes, 27 seconds

to ask you because I’m enamored with your ability and your your spirit. Traveling is a spirit.

1 hour, 8 minutes, 35 seconds

Yeah.

1 hour, 8 minutes, 35 seconds

And Yeah. Yeah. When I met you when you’re like I you saw the map that was you’re like you’ve been doing these goes all of them. And I’m like, “Oh, I love it.” He connects with people in a way of

1 hour, 8 minutes, 44 seconds

like, “Where you been? What are you going to do?” And just like the vibe of going somewhere and not knowing, not knowing where the town square is or what

1 hour, 8 minutes, 52 seconds

there is to do, what the local food is or just kind of h how to get a bus. It’s discomfort is is my happy place.

1 hour, 9 minutes, 1 second

And and you’re just like it’s the newness. It’s just it’s just like you take the same route to work every day and eventually you’re like, “Well, this

1 hour, 9 minutes, 8 seconds

is the same route to death. I’m going to be here taking the same route until I’m dying.” Or or you change like your

1 hour, 9 minutes, 15 seconds

everything around you and it’s just like comes alive. Basic [ __ ] is like, “Wow, okay, hold on, guys. Don’t tell me how

1 hour, 9 minutes, 24 seconds

to order. I’m going to order on this one.” And you muddle through it, you know? Yeah, that’s profound.

1 hour, 9 minutes, 32 seconds

I I what you just said is profound. And my question was going to be what do you say to people who haven’t traveled. What What do you say to people?

1 hour, 9 minutes, 41 seconds

I don’t know what they’re missing out on the world. Listen, if you don’t like it, you don’t like it. I went camping. Bobby Kelly did a camping trip with a bunch of comedians and it was car camping. It

1 hour, 9 minutes, 48 seconds

wasn’t anything crazy. We had to hike in, you know, an hour. It was you put your car there. There was one little cabin and then the rest were um tents.

1 hour, 9 minutes, 56 seconds

Yeah. and and uh Brendan Sagalow and Mike Cano was like, “Do you guys have a good time?” He goes, “No, I don’t really like that.” We

1 hour, 10 minutes, 3 seconds

hung around the fire. We all talked. It was like fun. Yeah, it’s not my thing.

1 hour, 10 minutes, 7 seconds

I’m like, “What do you mean?” He goes, “I just don’t like it, dude.” And I’m like, “I love it.” And he’s okay. He tried it. Doesn’t care for it. It’s not his thing. I get it.

1 hour, 10 minutes, 15 seconds

But if if you’ve traveled, I’m like, “I hate it.” Then fine, but we’re talking mostly about people who never even tried it. Yeah.

1 hour, 10 minutes, 20 seconds

And we’re not talking about a resort in [ __ ] Puntaana, Dominican Republic.

1 hour, 10 minutes, 24 seconds

We’re talking about like going and experiencing outside of a resort. Yeah.

1 hour, 10 minutes, 28 seconds

Imagine how many of those people that have traveled only went to a resort, right? Where everything was taken care of. It’s not this. It’s not.

1 hour, 10 minutes, 36 seconds

So, what do you say to people that are watching right now and they they have the fire burning inside them, but a lot of people are are scared to step out of

1 hour, 10 minutes, 44 seconds

their comfort zone. What can you say to those people to get them motivated?

1 hour, 10 minutes, 48 seconds

It is scary. And then people like Monroe Martin was like, “Oh, I can’t believe you go out there. You’re not scared.

1 hour, 10 minutes, 53 seconds

Just go.” I’m like, “Whoa, whoa, I’m scared.” Every time I go, I’m scared.

1 hour, 10 minutes, 57 seconds

It’s like doing mushrooms. I don’t like Yeah. I’m like, “Fuck, here we go. I don’t know if I want to do this.” Every time. Yeah.

1 hour, 11 minutes, 3 seconds

You You show up somewhere and I’m like I went to Cuba with Bobby Kelly and it was like, “Hey, we could go from New York, stop in Miami and go.” But I’m like, “Then we can get there at dark and I

1 hour, 11 minutes, 12 seconds

don’t know if I want to get there in the at night.” Yeah.

1 hour, 11 minutes, 14 seconds

So, let’s spend the night in Miami and then we’ll get there so we can have daytime. We can get a feel of our surroundings.

1 hour, 11 minutes, 19 seconds

Yeah. I’m frightened. But then you get there and you have these crazy advent and then it’s like what if something happened? You’re like we talking about murder. You’re not talking about getting robbed.

1 hour, 11 minutes, 28 seconds

Yeah. Robbed you’ll recover. Yeah.

1 hour, 11 minutes, 31 seconds

You know it’s it’s not fun but then you’ll just buy new underwear and stuff. Yeah. You’ll just you’ll figure it out.

1 hour, 11 minutes, 39 seconds

Yeah.

1 hour, 11 minutes, 39 seconds

It’s an inconvenience, but then the inconvenience becomes an adventure.

1 hour, 11 minutes, 43 seconds

Well, also on that note, you realize when you travel just how resourceful you are when something does go wrong or you

1 hour, 11 minutes, 50 seconds

want something or you don’t know a language and you realize you can do it.

1 hour, 11 minutes, 53 seconds

You you realize, wow, I you’re sort of proud of yourself like I did that. I I don’t know the language and out there they’re offering a deep sea fishing

1 hour, 12 minutes, 2 seconds

expedition. I don’t know how to wrangle it. But then you do you figure it out and you’re like I would have given up and say can you handle this for me? And then there’s no one to ask. you do. It’s like a kid

1 hour, 12 minutes, 10 seconds

who’s like, “Mom, do my math homework for me.” And you’re like, “No.” And you’re like, “I don’t know how.” And you’re like, “How what’s this? What’s If you just like figure out yourself, then they do.”

1 hour, 12 minutes, 18 seconds

I had to get shoes in Indonesia. My flip-flops started to [ __ ] stink.

1 hour, 12 minutes, 25 seconds

Yeah. Like your beard or Yeah, like my beard. No, it was pon pen. Doesn’t really matter. Okay.

1 hour, 12 minutes, 30 seconds

It was pon pen. It was a twocountry story, actually. And they started to hold all my sweat in. I’ve been walking on them for months. And and yes, like my

1 hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds

beard to the point where I’m like, “This is bad.” And I washed them and then nothing. And I found a bucket and I put them in soapy water all night and god damn.

1 hour, 12 minutes, 46 seconds

So they’re done. Burn them.

1 hour, 12 minutes, 48 seconds

Chucked them. But then I need flip flops. I need So hey, they don’t have people our height in Cambodia, right?

1 hour, 12 minutes, 56 seconds

They just don’t. Giants. Yeah.

1 hour, 12 minutes, 57 seconds

Yeah. So a shoe size of 11 and a half or 45, whatever. They’re like, “That’s unheard of.” And I had people going, “Hey, you’re not going to find that here.

1 hour, 13 minutes, 7 seconds

And then other people are like, “Ah, size 10’s good.” I’m like, “No, no, it’s not even close. I’m 11 and a half.” And they’re like, “Nah, it’ll stretch.” I’m

1 hour, 13 minutes, 14 seconds

like, “The bottom doesn’t stretch.” And it doesn’t stretch that much. Your heels hanging off the back. Yeah. Yeah.

1 hour, 13 minutes, 22 seconds

And I couldn’t find any. And it was And it becomes like an activity to do. Henry Rollins talks about it. Yeah. There’s other people talk about psycho geography. Get yourself a task. And now

1 hour, 13 minutes, 30 seconds

you’re moving around the city, which is like I just need to find a postcard or I just need to find something. and you’re around this foreign city or village.

1 hour, 13 minutes, 41 seconds

Chubbies. Chubbies. Look who’s got their chubbies. Chubby.

1 hour, 13 minutes, 47 seconds

That’s right, folks. These are my chubby shorts. And I love these things. You know what I love about them? It’s like I can be rocking them on the raetball

1 hour, 13 minutes, 56 seconds

court for three hours and then suddenly I’m at the beach and then next thing you know I’m laying by the pool showing off the wares. And uh these things are just

1 hour, 14 minutes, 5 seconds

comfortable. They’re adaptable and I can take them just about anywhere I want to go and just feel groovy and good in them. So with the uh warm weather

1 hour, 14 minutes, 14 seconds

starting to hit us, it’s time to get out in the sun in your chubbies and let them thighs have a little chubby treat. Uh

1 hour, 14 minutes, 24 seconds

these trunks are supportive. They’re comfortable and fit like you’re wearing nothing at all. And that feels good. So

1 hour, 14 minutes, 32 seconds

whether you’re getting dressed for your workout or just a walk around or a summer vacation, Chubbies has you

1 hour, 14 minutes, 39 seconds

covered. For a limited time, Chubbies is giving our viewers 20% off your order with our code Harland Highway at chubbyshorts.com.

1 hour, 14 minutes, 50 seconds

That’s code Harland Highway at chubbyshorts.com.

1 hour, 14 minutes, 54 seconds

Support our show and tell them that we sent you. Don’t blend in with the crowd.

1 hour, 15 minutes

Stand out. Stand out with your chies. Chubbies. Stand out with your chubbies.

1 hour, 15 minutes, 12 seconds

Four four hours later, you have duct tape sandals, right? Like you you you get resourceful.

1 hour, 15 minutes, 18 seconds

So, I finally found some for two days. I found some and they were knockoffs and immediately the bottom started going like just flapping off. So, when I was

1 hour, 15 minutes, 26 seconds

in I was in uh uh um Komodo Island and they started breaking Yeah. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah.

1 hour, 15 minutes, 34 seconds

And I’m like, “Oh, I’m going to chuck these.” And I’m like, “Oh, fuck.” No, no, no. That took me two days to find these, by the way, in the biggest town in this country.

1 hour, 15 minutes, 40 seconds

Just for you people traveling. Um broken flapping flip flops. Um that’s called bait for a Komodo dragon.

1 hour, 15 minutes, 48 seconds

This guy’s They just wait to hear that flap and they’re like, “Dinner time.” This guy’s not running. This guy’s not running. We going to be eating good

1 hour, 15 minutes, 56 seconds

tonight. And they probably attacked you, but then smelt the beard and were like, “Fuck death. Let’s go get a dead goat.” Yeah. They didn’t want something so musky.

1 hour, 16 minutes, 5 seconds

But the other thing is that danger element you talked about that also without putting your life in danger, but just that walk to the edge of the cliff.

1 hour, 16 minutes, 13 seconds

Walk to the edge and kneel and then look over. It’s exhilarating.

1 hour, 16 minutes, 16 seconds

I’m getting I’m going to be a mile from the cliff edge. Like no. Crawl and look.

1 hour, 16 minutes, 20 seconds

Yeah. Be safe. But it’s very exhilarating. It makes you feel alive. Yeah.

1 hour, 16 minutes, 25 seconds

And you come back wearing that with you and you can inject it into your life here, which is a different stratosphere,

1 hour, 16 minutes, 33 seconds

but it’s it’s it’s very I come back and when I’m gone for a long time, I am the mayor of my neighborhood in New York. I’m talking to everybody.

1 hour, 16 minutes, 41 seconds

I’m social, the the the buenos tardes, the good mornings, good afternoons. I bring that and it just it exudes and it slowly goes away. Yeah.

1 hour, 16 minutes, 49 seconds

But for a while it’s like, “How you doing?” Ah, you’re a superintendent. I’ve seen you around here. Okay, cool.

1 hour, 16 minutes, 54 seconds

You just start talking. It’s so fun because you bring with you the cultural mindset of where you were immersed and

1 hour, 17 minutes, 2 seconds

you want to translate it to where you are.

1 hour, 17 minutes, 4 seconds

You don’t pass anyone without saying good morning, good afternoon, or good evening. You just don’t in those places.

1 hour, 17 minutes, 9 seconds

And then here, getting a a hello back from a New Yorker is like, oh, you can get a sideways look for a hello. You can get a lawsuit for a hello.

1 hour, 17 minutes, 18 seconds

Did you ever get into the back roads of Cambodia? I would say Cambodia was a while ago.

1 hour, 17 minutes, 23 seconds

I did a trip where we did some dirt bikes along one of the big rivers and all the Cambodians had their houses, the

1 hour, 17 minutes, 30 seconds

families along the riverbed, but between them and the river was a dirt road and we rode mountain bikes for miles and the

1 hour, 17 minutes, 39 seconds

children, they all have a lot of children because in Cambodia it’s poor.

1 hour, 17 minutes, 43 seconds

So the children are there to keep the family going and take care of the elders. And these little kids, they’d see Honky go by on his bike and these

1 hour, 17 minutes, 52 seconds

children run out of Hello, hi, hi. Like you felt like a celebrity. You felt like Pamela Anderson on the red carpet. I

1 hour, 18 minutes

literally got to the point where so many children were I stopped doing it. I would My arm actually got tired from going, “Hi.” It was just wonderful.

1 hour, 18 minutes, 9 seconds

I was in East Bulai, I think. I think.

1 hour, 18 minutes, 12 seconds

Yeah. Bouai, which means like white, but it means foreigner now. Yeah. And you’d see them wave and I go and I and just like high five them as

1 hour, 18 minutes, 20 seconds

you’re driving by the mic but it’s like they’re like I touched one you feel so cool. Yeah.

1 hour, 18 minutes, 26 seconds

That so the danger is not real. The danger is like mostly social danger.

1 hour, 18 minutes, 29 seconds

What if I waste a day and then you find stuff and you don’t waste a day. So you’re so worried about like planning every little thing but like let it come to you.

1 hour, 18 minutes, 38 seconds

Yeah. That’s let it come let somebody go, “Oh my god, you’re you want to come in for some tea?” And you’re like, “Um, okay.” with muddling English. And you

1 hour, 18 minutes, 46 seconds

see the inside of their home and they’re they’re just like, “And where are you from? Where are you?” And like New York, like, “Oh, wow.” Yeah.

1 hour, 18 minutes, 54 seconds

And then you just drink this tea and stare at each other.

1 hour, 18 minutes, 56 seconds

Yeah. Cuz it’s an adventure for them the same way it is for you. And now Salvador, it just opened up again.

1 hour, 19 minutes, 2 seconds

And they were like so interested in everybody.

1 hour, 19 minutes, 5 seconds

Wow. I think I said this on your show and this is my kind of statement to urge people to get out of their box and

1 hour, 19 minutes, 13 seconds

travel. I think I said this on your show that I view the world it’s our house. We we all live here and in our house we

1 hour, 19 minutes, 20 seconds

have doors and behind those doors are rooms and each country to me represents different culture anyway

1 hour, 19 minutes, 28 seconds

a door and a room and I say to you if you if you bought a house you’d go in every room

1 hour, 19 minutes, 35 seconds

and this is your house planet earth of the world yeah so it’s not possible to go everywhere but at least in the span of your lifetime

1 hour, 19 minutes, 43 seconds

adventure down your own hallway and open some of the doors 7,000 doors. You wouldn’t go to every one, but like but when you do pass one, you’re like, “Oh,

1 hour, 19 minutes, 51 seconds

I haven’t been in here.” Of course, open it.

1 hour, 19 minutes, 53 seconds

Go in and explore your rooms in your house. Don’t Don’t be afraid because man-made borders and cultures are

1 hour, 20 minutes

holding you back. In fact, embrace the cultures and learn from them and and let them stuff that like I want to start doing that more that I like this. So,

1 hour, 20 minutes, 8 seconds

anyway, I have these broken flip-flops and my new hunt now is super glue. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.

1 hour, 20 minutes, 14 seconds

It’s okay. I know I forgot about but now I’m on the hunt for superglue. That was our new hunt and I found some and they they stuck around through the rest of the trip.

1 hour, 20 minutes, 22 seconds

Can I share a super glue uh shoe story? Okay.

1 hour, 20 minutes, 27 seconds

One of the things I do when I travel is I retire my footwear in different parts of the world, exotic

1 hour, 20 minutes, 35 seconds

places. I’ve left boots in the Amazon jungle. I’ve left boots on Lake Geneva in Switzerland. I’ve left boots in Death

1 hour, 20 minutes, 42 seconds

Valley in all over the world. I I retire my worn out.

1 hour, 20 minutes, 46 seconds

These are worn out. You’re like, “Take them here. If they get ruined by the mud, who cares? I’m not taking them back anyway.” Well, I look at it, they were my traveling companions. They deserve a dignified retirement.

1 hour, 20 minutes, 56 seconds

That’s animism.

1 hour, 20 minutes, 57 seconds

Yeah. So, what I do is I find an exotic place to leave them. And I was in Paris for the first time. And this was back in the 80s when I used to wore cowboy boots

1 hour, 21 minutes, 5 seconds

cuz Bon Joy did. I got to living on a prayer.

1 hour, 21 minutes, 8 seconds

So, I’m I wore them down. I was in Paris. Soon as we got to Paris, I go, “We got to find a hardware store.” I’d bought a

1 hour, 21 minutes, 17 seconds

brand new pair of cowboy boots in Germany and brought them with me. We got to Paris. First thing we did, find a

1 hour, 21 minutes, 23 seconds

hardware store. Crazy glue. We went up the Eiffel Tower. I had the new boots under my coat, wearing the old boots,

1 hour, 21 minutes, 32 seconds

stood in the new boots way up on the Eiffel Tower, put crazy glue on the bottom, stepped out of my boots, put the

1 hour, 21 minutes, 39 seconds

new boots on, stepped away, and my old cowboy boots were crazy glued and no one could take them out. And they were pull immediately within about 45

1 hour, 21 minutes, 48 seconds

seconds people sworn and were pulling on them taking pictures with them and it looked like someone had leaned over too far with their camera and fallen over

1 hour, 21 minutes, 57 seconds

the side cuz they were right there and it was so cool. I’ll try and find some pictures.

1 hour, 22 minutes, 1 second

And you had other shoot were walking barefoot away, right? I walked away in the new boot. I ripped you stepped out of one and into the other.

1 hour, 22 minutes, 8 seconds

But super glued down before you even stepped out. That’s brilliant.

1 hour, 22 minutes, 11 seconds

I love it that we have glue shoe stories.

1 hour, 22 minutes, 13 seconds

That’s so cool. Um, here’s I got another super glue story in Guatemala. Need a superglue for something. I don’t remember. It doesn’t matter. Okay.

1 hour, 22 minutes, 21 seconds

And I went to the market and I was like, “Oh, I’ll have a super glue.” And and I’m trying to like talk to them. It was early spl

1 hour, 22 minutes, 36 seconds

like Yeah. You you start suddenly you’re Marcel Maro. You like went to mime school at Giuliard. Super glue. Chop down gum tree. Squeeze manufactured.

1 hour, 22 minutes, 46 seconds

Make glue. Tube in Pittsburgh. Horses. Yeah, glue. Chop hoofs off. Make glue.

1 hour, 22 minutes, 53 seconds

So I found And then she told me how much it was. I was like, [ __ ] 10 bucks.

1 hour, 22 minutes, 56 seconds

That’s expensive. And then she was like, “No, 10 cents.” And I’m like, “Oh, I was going to pay you not even a little more.

1 hour, 23 minutes, 4 seconds

100 times the price of this.” And I was going to be like, “I mean, it’s a little pricey, but not crazy.” Yeah. 100 times the price was was acceptable to me.

1 hour, 23 minutes, 13 seconds

We have it pretty easy here. Yeah, that’s pretty good.

1 hour, 23 minutes, 16 seconds

Um, do you take souvenirs with you back home or do you leave the memories there?

1 hour, 23 minutes, 21 seconds

No, I’ll take souvenir. I’ll take natural souvenirs a lot like rocks or or stuff like that. Let me share.

1 hour, 23 minutes, 29 seconds

I do the same thing. Wow. I take little pieces that it’s okay. Anchor watt.

1 hour, 23 minutes, 36 seconds

Anchor watt. Roman coliseum. The passes, too, for sure. Piece of the Acropolis. The Acropolis.

1 hour, 23 minutes, 43 seconds

I have a little piece of a pyramid.

1 hour, 23 minutes, 45 seconds

Yeah, I got the py. Oh, is that on there? No. Look right here. Different one. Wow. Look at this.

1 hour, 23 minutes, 50 seconds

And it’s on the ground. It’s not like you’re chiseling it off. Look. African elephant teeth.

1 hour, 23 minutes, 58 seconds

Machu Picchu. Machu Picchu. Egyptian pyramids exterior interior. Yeah.

1 hour, 24 minutes, 4 seconds

Piece fell off and you’re like, “Oh, cool. I went inside. Can I May I?” Yeah. Wow.

1 hour, 24 minutes, 9 seconds

Yeah. So, I take little bit I try not to be a bastard and like destroy. Yeah.

1 hour, 24 minutes, 14 seconds

But I’ll take a little flake or an obscure stone.

1 hour, 24 minutes, 17 seconds

I try to find something that’s not uh you know this Egyptian pyramid. Yeah.

1 hour, 24 minutes, 23 seconds

I mean, this has been around for thousands of years in Egypt, mined from somewhere within a few hundred miles of there.

1 hour, 24 minutes, 31 seconds

They don’t even know who made them or what made them and made its way to Hollywood. to the Hala Highway.

1 hour, 24 minutes, 39 seconds

It’s crazy. And just inches away from your beard. Yeah.

1 hour, 24 minutes, 43 seconds

Do you want to r There’s not much. Wow.

1 hour, 24 minutes, 48 seconds

When ancient civilization meets stinkbeard.

1 hour, 24 minutes, 53 seconds

Wow. Somewhere in Egypt, the e the pyramids are puking right now. Wow. Wow.

1 hour, 25 minutes

Yeah. That’s so that’s a better souvenir to me or something functional. a a a a soccer jersey that I want to blend in.

1 hour, 25 minutes, 7 seconds

So, I wear a glued flip-flop. Glued flip-flop. Uh almost born bird. Yeah.

1 hour, 25 minutes, 13 seconds

Imagine bringing one of those home and putting it in a bird cage and just hoping it bring a farm and just stuck it in there and hope hope the farmer’s like, “What the fuck?” Yeah.

1 hour, 25 minutes, 23 seconds

This is my hope cage. Yeah. So, those I like to bring back. Yeah.

1 hour, 25 minutes, 28 seconds

Um there was a there was Yeah. There was a uh we I was going taking surfing lessons in Indonesia.

1 hour, 25 minutes, 34 seconds

Yeah. Keep talking. I’m just going to hold those up so they can see. Yeah. Surfing lessons.

1 hour, 25 minutes, 38 seconds

A tree had fallen while we were there and it was block of the whole road and it’s massive. Yeah.

1 hour, 25 minutes, 43 seconds

And we’re like [ __ ] So they had to call the city workers to come, you know, chop it up so we could get get through. Yeah.

1 hour, 25 minutes, 51 seconds

It’s so cool.

1 hour, 25 minutes, 52 seconds

Keep talking. I just want them to be eventually the city workers came with a with a with a chainsaw, but it’s still pretty big. And even with a chainsaw, you still got to pull it apart and it’s

1 hour, 26 minutes

too big. You got to chop it in pieces where enough so everyone gets out of their cars both ways or motorcycles, mopeds, and they start helping to get off the side of the road so people can get through.

1 hour, 26 minutes, 9 seconds

Yeah.

1 hour, 26 minutes, 9 seconds

And it was like this this like kind of exhilaration of doing normal stuff like I’m also going to help.

1 hour, 26 minutes, 14 seconds

I’m also waiting. Everyone’s here’s waiting. Let’s help. It’s what we do.

1 hour, 26 minutes, 19 seconds

Yeah. And you take that with you. I was with Costa Rica with my parents. Some car stalled in front of me. I saw somebody starting to push it and I just jumped out and like what are you doing?

1 hour, 26 minutes, 26 seconds

Like the car stalled? Yeah.

1 hour, 26 minutes, 28 seconds

He’s like I got to help him. What do you mean? and then jump back in the car and they’re like, “You acted like it was nothing.” I’m like, “It was nothing.” Yeah. It’s fascinating that the societal

1 hour, 26 minutes, 36 seconds

construct in other countries is so different where here in America where you hear Americans are so great and

1 hour, 26 minutes, 44 seconds

they’re so loving and generous, but we’re paranoid and suspicious within the the boundaries of our own society where

1 hour, 26 minutes, 52 seconds

I would say take that lesson and bring it to America and do the same thing. I try to do that too if I see that here.

1 hour, 27 minutes

But it’s scary because here, you know, you go to do a good deed and suddenly Jeffrey Dalmer’s eating you alive in his root cellar.

1 hour, 27 minutes, 8 seconds

Yeah, that’s it’s very weird.

1 hour, 27 minutes, 10 seconds

But also like Yeah, you got to be a touch careful, but also like not the real danger is not getting into fun situations.

1 hour, 27 minutes, 18 seconds

Yeah.

1 hour, 27 minutes, 18 seconds

Not that you might catch the one out of a million where it’s the this the news story.

1 hour, 27 minutes, 23 seconds

Yeah. So, as we’re chopping it up and dragging and [ __ ] like that, eventually it just gets wide enough for the for the mopeds to go through. The cars are like, “You’re on your own. Everybody’s just

1 hour, 27 minutes, 30 seconds

going. The city workers will keep helping you.” There was a little piece of that chopped up tree and yeah, I had that I just brought that back. I’m like, “It’s a memory directly associated with

1 hour, 27 minutes, 38 seconds

this really fun time and you see it and you’re like and you can touch.” So, I I I I if I had to be any religion, it’s animism

1 hour, 27 minutes, 46 seconds

and it’s the I don’t really understand it. The belie that everything has a soul of some kind.

1 hour, 27 minutes, 50 seconds

Oh, yeah. So this thing that I’m touching now saw Machu Beach, saw the Aztec people that were there and now you’ve seen it indirectly

1 hour, 27 minutes, 59 seconds

and saw this and I’m like kind of talking to Yeah. Isn’t that amazing?

1 hour, 28 minutes, 3 seconds

I love touch of Jerusalem. Everywhere you touch these things, you’re like boom, you’re back.

1 hour, 28 minutes, 7 seconds

You’re not in the same places. You’re touching the exact same thing that a Roman soldier touched.

1 hour, 28 minutes, 12 seconds

That’s why I take I take these because exactly what you just said. You you live vicariously through it somehow. You’re you have a piece of it. soaking it in.

1 hour, 28 minutes, 21 seconds

And the Aboriginals from Australia live in that way that everything has a soul, everything’s alive, even the rocks and the earth and the water, they there’s spirit in everything.

1 hour, 28 minutes, 31 seconds

Wow.

1 hour, 28 minutes, 31 seconds

And it’s a beautiful way to look at soy, but it’s it’s it’s beautiful. Yeah.

1 hour, 28 minutes, 36 seconds

And I think we all come from that and I think we all have it, but it gets clouded by the cheesecake factories and the televisions. And I’m not trying to

1 hour, 28 minutes, 45 seconds

be like Mr. making a big statement, but it’s actual real. And I think whenever anyone returns to nature or a foreign

1 hour, 28 minutes, 53 seconds

country, all that sensibility comes flooding back and that’s the beauty of it. Yeah. You get to be a different you.

1 hour, 29 minutes

And that’s and then parts of it you’re like, I like this part of me and other parts like I can’t wait to get back home and use real toilet paper.

1 hour, 29 minutes, 7 seconds

Yeah. And have McDonald’s and like you miss that stuff. But but I think that’s not I wouldn’t say our argument, but that’s our pitch for you, the folks

1 hour, 29 minutes, 15 seconds

watching that haven’t experienced some of this or sitting on the fence. Get out there and and live.

1 hour, 29 minutes, 21 seconds

I also heard somebody say something. It was like when we were I forget where it was. Maybe it’s somewhere in Brazil. Yeah.

1 hour, 29 minutes, 27 seconds

And he was like, doesn’t matter where it was, but he goes, “It’s interesting that every dangerous and like unpleasant

1 hour, 29 minutes, 34 seconds

situation that you get into got stuck in the rain. and had to walk for 5 hours in the rain and was [ __ ] I [ __ ] hated it will become a great memory.

1 hour, 29 minutes, 42 seconds

Yeah.

1 hour, 29 minutes, 43 seconds

Once you’re dry and you don’t have the shiver on you anymore and and you’re out of that you’re like you remember that and we got stuck and we missed that last

1 hour, 29 minutes, 50 seconds

bus cuz you said hold on let me get a nacho and then we missed that last bus and I was wanted to [ __ ] kill you and it was like and now we’re dying laughing. It will become something great

1 hour, 29 minutes, 59 seconds

in your life because it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t normal. It wasn’t it wasn’t predictable and that food poisoning will become a great me. Don’t seek that out.

1 hour, 30 minutes, 9 seconds

Yeah.

1 hour, 30 minutes, 9 seconds

But yeah.

1 hour, 30 minutes, 11 seconds

Yeah. Oh, Ari. I But I had such a blast and and I left my phone. I got a new phone when I got there, so I was off all that. Locked

1 hour, 30 minutes, 20 seconds

myself out of my email. So, it was both seeing stuff and not being connected to all Oh, that’s even better. Yes. Yeah.

1 hour, 30 minutes, 26 seconds

You lost it by accident on purpose. Oh, that’s even better. Good for you.

1 hour, 30 minutes, 30 seconds

I took with me like an email address of of a podcast producer. So like two months in when I was ran out of ads, I

1 hour, 30 minutes, 37 seconds

was like, “Give me the once a month.” I’d be like, “Give me all my ads for the month.” Yeah.

1 hour, 30 minutes, 40 seconds

I I’ll do all that. Who has what to promote?

1 hour, 30 minutes, 43 seconds

And then that’s once a month and then back to Disconnected.

1 hour, 30 minutes, 46 seconds

Yeah. You got got to keep, you know, you got you got to do that, but you have to remember you have a a responsibility to your life back home. You got to pay the bills. But

1 hour, 30 minutes, 54 seconds

yeah, but forget them.

1 hour, 30 minutes, 55 seconds

And then finding out about news stories from other people, being in Uruguay, having those people fill me in on what happened in in Venezuela. And I’m like,

1 hour, 31 minutes, 3 seconds

well, from what? Okay. give me your perspective of it.

1 hour, 31 minutes, 5 seconds

And because I don’t really know. So I’m hearing I don’t I’m not inheriting a take from this side or this side.

1 hour, 31 minutes, 12 seconds

Tell me your take. And they’re like, “Well, you guys are doing it for oil.” I’m like, “Sounds like it.” Well, I Yeah. How do you feel about that?

1 hour, 31 minutes, 17 seconds

They’re like, “He had to go, but why always you guys?” I’m like, “That’s a that’s fair.” Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know.

1 hour, 31 minutes, 23 seconds

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It’s so neat to be neutral and and sort of not versed in what’s going on.

1 hour, 31 minutes, 29 seconds

So, here’s a trick. We have a very popular president who’s very wellknown and he’s divisive. Yeah.

1 hour, 31 minutes, 37 seconds

And like maybe all presidents here. They all are. Yeah.

1 hour, 31 minutes, 40 seconds

And then people ask me, I don’t follow politics much in the first place. Yeah.

1 hour, 31 minutes, 43 seconds

And they go, “Oh, about Trump.” And they want me to. And I just go, “Ah, you know, uh, but how’s your then this is the way you do. This is the secret. You should go, how’s your guy?”

1 hour, 31 minutes, 51 seconds

And they feel seen enough to talk. And I’m gonna tell you, they’re gonna hate their guy. They go, “My guy sucks. My

1 hour, 31 minutes, 59 seconds

guy’s terrible on crime. He won’t do this. I’m like, why don’t they get rid of him? Because he owns the media. And and they just get him talking.

1 hour, 32 minutes, 6 seconds

It’s the same [ __ ] And they go, he’s in the bed. He’s in the pocket of the corporations. Big guinea pig [ __ ] owns this kid. And you’re like, yeah, we

1 hour, 32 minutes, 15 seconds

have that, too, but Coca-Cola or whatever. And they’re like, no, really.

1 hour, 32 minutes, 19 seconds

And you connect in a way of like, we both hate our governments. Everybody hates their government.

1 hour, 32 minutes, 23 seconds

Well, that’s one real side benefit of disappearing into another culture. You get to turn that completely off.

1 hour, 32 minutes, 30 seconds

No hate in my heart, no anger, no inherited anger.

1 hour, 32 minutes, 33 seconds

And I think that’s part of what that immersive experience when you said you got out to help push the car and things like that.

1 hour, 32 minutes, 40 seconds

When you get all the angst off your back that’s that’s pumped on us on purpose.

1 hour, 32 minutes, 46 seconds

Yeah. you become sort of a freer spirit and you you sort of revert to your natural tendencies where humans are kind

1 hour, 32 minutes, 55 seconds

and giving and sharing and work together in a tribal sense. But when you live in a society where they keep inundating you

1 hour, 33 minutes, 2 seconds

with with propaganda and hatred and you know you have to wear your deflector shields to survive and these places you

1 hour, 33 minutes, 11 seconds

can shed them and it might even be helping people. It might be like, “Well, I want to go to more museums or I want to do this or I want to I want to like take a class or I

1 hour, 33 minutes, 18 seconds

want to learn a different language or or cook more.” It’s like you’ll find out. It’ll just come. Yeah.

1 hour, 33 minutes, 23 seconds

And then you’ll find out and go like, “Ah, I didn’t realize I was into cooking.” And now I am. I took one class in Thailand, how to make a [ __ ] egg roll, and suddenly I’m like, I want to learn everything.

1 hour, 33 minutes, 31 seconds

Well, let’s keep it real, guinea pig.

1 hour, 33 minutes, 33 seconds

Fair. Yeah, exactly. I picture you at home in New York now on a on a romantic Saturday night pulling the walk out and

1 hour, 33 minutes, 41 seconds

the shriek of guinea pigs covered with teriyaki just in your apartment and an Amber Alert goes off in your

1 hour, 33 minutes, 49 seconds

neighborhood and it’s you stir frying guinea pigs.

1 hour, 33 minutes, 53 seconds

I saw somebody in in I I think it was Guatemala picking up a a pit and the squeal it made, but he knew what was going to happen to him and then you just

1 hour, 34 minutes, 2 seconds

see the thing. I don’t want I don’t want to but like that’s where they come from. Yeah.

1 hour, 34 minutes, 8 seconds

Uh buddy, what an incredible show. Our last segment, as you know, words from a wooden shoe. You reach in, pull a random word.

1 hour, 34 minutes, 17 seconds

Did you have a shoe last time? Oh, yeah. We do it with every guest. It’s our last bit.

1 hour, 34 minutes, 20 seconds

Okay. and you pull a word out and see if it triggers a story from your life, your journey. Okay. Something you saw, something you did. Okay. Question.

1 hour, 34 minutes, 29 seconds

Yeah.

1 hour, 34 minutes, 29 seconds

Is it better for me to reach over this or under this around it if you don’t mind? Yeah. Thank you.

1 hour, 34 minutes, 35 seconds

Thank you for asking. Very considering your home. Yeah. What is it, my guy? It is just a blank piece of paper. Oh my god.

1 hour, 34 minutes, 43 seconds

Oh, here we go. Face failure.

1 hour, 34 minutes, 47 seconds

The beard. When you’re We’re done, folks.

1 hour, 34 minutes, 50 seconds

No. No. No, no, no, no. Go ahead. Face failure.

1 hour, 34 minutes, 53 seconds

Okay. Well, another thing you see in these countries is people that have not had access to highlevel medical care. Oh, really?

1 hour, 35 minutes

And you will see some [ __ ] up people.

1 hour, 35 minutes, 2 seconds

Burn marks, cleft pallets that go up to their nose. Wow.

1 hour, 35 minutes, 6 seconds

You will see some grotesqueness like a fire at the wax museum. Yes. Yeah.

1 hour, 35 minutes, 12 seconds

I saw Okay. I saw a dog boy talk to me. I taught Dog Boy in the Amazon.

1 hour, 35 minutes, 22 seconds

It was Okay. So, you know how your legs go where if you So, if you got a if you got a like your knee goes this way. Yeah.

1 hour, 35 minutes, 29 seconds

Well, dog boy, his knee went the other way like a dog both on all fours

1 hour, 35 minutes, 35 seconds

because the the legs went like as if it was like a Oscar Ptorius leg, you know?

1 hour, 35 minutes, 41 seconds

But so on all fours had gloves on because they had to walk like that. Dog boy.

1 hour, 35 minutes, 46 seconds

Whoa. And I had to drive around the block and come back to get a look at dog boy. Wow.

1 hour, 35 minutes, 53 seconds

Want a twist on that? You threw a Frisbee.

1 hour, 36 minutes, 2 seconds

You son of a [ __ ] You did, didn’t you? That would be great.

1 hour, 36 minutes, 5 seconds

Did you throw a Frisbee at dog boy? You son of a [ __ ] I did not. What happened? Dog boy woman. No way. Yeah.

1 hour, 36 minutes, 13 seconds

Did she hump your leg?

1 hour, 36 minutes, 14 seconds

Girl, nice tits. Wow. I mean, tits. Dogs have tits. Yeah. It could have been the gravity. Were there seven of them?

1 hour, 36 minutes, 23 seconds

Two visible. There might have been more in the back. Yeah. That’s dog girl. Dog girl. Dog boy girl.

1 hour, 36 minutes, 27 seconds

[ __ ]

1 hour, 36 minutes, 28 seconds

Dog boy girl girl. Yeah.

1 hour, 36 minutes, 30 seconds

Wow. She was She got around. No one seemed to notice. No one seemed to care. Yeah.

1 hour, 36 minutes, 36 seconds

I think she was just part of the neighborhood.

1 hour, 36 minutes, 38 seconds

Did she pee on a fire hydrant or in the house? She lit.

1 hour, 36 minutes, 40 seconds

Okay. So, that’s what you got to f You know, you want to know. That’s how I found it was dog boy girl because when dog boy peed I expected this.

1 hour, 36 minutes, 50 seconds

Yeah.

1 hour, 36 minutes, 51 seconds

But it wasn’t. It was it was like a crouch down. Yeah. Like a girl dog. Girl dog. Dog boy. Girl. Wow.

1 hour, 36 minutes, 57 seconds

That’s why I noticed the tits.

1 hour, 37 minutes

Maybe you could go back have puppies with her.

1 hour, 37 minutes, 3 seconds

Face failure. I like how you put a period at the end of it because you’re like saying it’s it’s a sentence. Who put the period in? They need to get fired.

1 hour, 37 minutes, 12 seconds

Guess I’m fired.

1 hour, 37 minutes, 14 seconds

Uh, folks, no, you’re not.

1 hour, 37 minutes, 18 seconds

Ari, what a treat to have you here, buddy. Before we go, please tell them about your incredible podcast, your comedy tour, any books, anything.

1 hour, 37 minutes, 27 seconds

I have a storytelling show that’s out right now. That’s that I I reclaimed This is not happening. Oh, wow.

1 hour, 37 minutes, 33 seconds

Yeah. I And I changed the name for legal reasons and uh and it’s back. It’s called The End. It’s a podcast. No, it’s a TV show. Oh, wow.

1 hour, 37 minutes, 41 seconds

I made it myself. Where? Where can I see?

1 hour, 37 minutes, 44 seconds

You can go to rishifair.com. There’s a link there to get them. Seven one-hour long episodes with comedians like Joe List, Mark Norman. What?

1 hour, 37 minutes, 51 seconds

Shane Gillis, Nate Bargotsi. Oh, Hinchcliffe. Oh, wow.

1 hour, 37 minutes, 57 seconds

Roy Wood Jr., Miss Pat, Alisa Dick. Just tons of the best comics telling stories in front of an audience. Is it free or is it a subscription? It’s a pay.

1 hour, 38 minutes, 5 seconds

Yeah.

1 hour, 38 minutes, 5 seconds

$5.99 for an hour episode. Pretty much an hour special. or you get a discount.

1 hour, 38 minutes, 9 seconds

If you get if you get pi five, get two free.

1 hour, 38 minutes, 11 seconds

I’m going to say this on behalf of Ari and all comedians and independent people. It sounds like, oh, it’s a

1 hour, 38 minutes, 18 seconds

YouTube show. The work, the writing, the the the detail, the logistics of doing something like this is so much work.

1 hour, 38 minutes, 25 seconds

Guys, I’m going to ask you, please support Ari. And I’m hoping that could lead to more episodes possibly. You were on this Not Happening. You did a story on there.

1 hour, 38 minutes, 35 seconds

I did.

1 hour, 38 minutes, 36 seconds

I I believe you did. It was so many years of it five years ago. It was a while back. Yeah. Okay. But uh support this is almost exactly like that. But

1 hour, 38 minutes, 44 seconds

yes, absolutely. Go ahead. Tell them to support me.

1 hour, 38 minutes, 45 seconds

Support Ari. And and this is the type of stuff. This is the new era we’re in where you don’t have to wait for network approved shows with executive screening.

1 hour, 38 minutes, 55 seconds

You get to see from the artist to the table. And this is what I feel we need to support.

1 hour, 39 minutes, 1 second

And this isn’t like a thing I whipped out with a, you know, with a GoPro.

1 hour, 39 minutes, 4 seconds

Yeah. It’s an expensive television show and the money goes to me and to the comedians. We’re splitting it all up. So So for $5.99 you can really help. You

1 hour, 39 minutes, 13 seconds

can support and and I think it’s fabulous and and all it does is it germinates more of this to happen.

1 hour, 39 minutes, 20 seconds

Yeah. Exactly. If you do do it’s like that people don’t want you eating meat.

1 hour, 39 minutes, 23 seconds

I’m like but the cows already did like but you eating it makes a new market. Yeah.

1 hour, 39 minutes, 27 seconds

This will make a new market for more fun [ __ ] If we’re making on our own without any notes it’s going to be the best it is.

1 hour, 39 minutes, 34 seconds

Yeah. And this stimulates other people to do it. And so, uh, that’s great. And are you doing any standup touring, Ari?

1 hour, 39 minutes, 41 seconds

No, I got May 7th. I’m doing a show, one show at the at the Netflix festival, uh, at the Comedy Store. This the end storytelling. It’s just one, but then I’m not touring again till next year.

1 hour, 39 minutes, 50 seconds

Okay.

1 hour, 39 minutes, 51 seconds

Um, and my special Jew is going on Netflix. So, check check out Netflix if you see.

1 hour, 39 minutes, 56 seconds

Give it a give it a play. And then, like I said, yeah, support.

1 hour, 39 minutes, 58 seconds

Did you say Jew or beard? I didn’t hear that. Hold on. Let me see if this still works. Nope. Lost it.

1 hour, 40 minutes, 5 seconds

Oh, that was me. I [ __ ] up. Can we try one more?

1 hour, 40 minutes, 8 seconds

Yeah, I might be done with this. Hold on. Yeah, it works. It’s there. Folks, that’s it for now. Safe travels.

1 hour, 40 minutes, 17 seconds

Take a queue from Ari. Get out there and see the rooms in your house. Don’t be afraid. Get out there. Watch out for strange beards. And that’s it for now.

1 hour, 40 minutes, 28 seconds

Until next time. Chicken chowine, baby. Hey everybody, how would you like

1 hour, 40 minutes, 35 seconds

your very own personal video message from me, yours truly? It’s your birthday, it’s your anniversary, it’s

1 hour, 40 minutes, 43 seconds

your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh. You get to pick the topic you want me to discuss. Give me

1 hour, 40 minutes, 50 seconds

some talking points and off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It’s super easy and fun. Just go

1 hour, 40 minutes, 58 seconds

to the Cameo app on your phone or to cameo.com and I record a custom video made just

1 hour, 41 minutes, 5 seconds

for you or your loved one. Your very own personalized Harland.

Sync to video time

Scroll to Top