Giggly Squad – Giggling about showgirls, summering, and life in your 30s

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GIGGLY
Giggly Squad – Giggling about showgirls, summering, and life in your 30s

Giggly Squad – Giggling about showgirls, summering, and life in your 30s

Giggly Squad – Bonus Giggly Hotline: burritos, zaddys, and gossip

Giggly Squad – Bonus Giggly Hotline: burritos, zaddys, and gossip

Giggly Squad – Pet Psychics and Aura Readings

Giggly Squad – Pet Psychics and Aura Readings

🎙️ Episode Metadata

 

  • Title: Giggling about showgirls, summering, and life in your 30s

  • Hosts: Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo

  • Episode Number: Not specified

  • Air Date: August 19, 2025

 

🧠 Main Topics and Themes

 

  • 0-84: The “Unprepared” Dynamic

    The hosts open the show, acknowledging that their podcast is unscripted and that they “don’t get ready” for it, playfully calling it “Giggly NPR.”

  • 84-900: The Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce “PR” Debate

    Hannah and Paige discuss the viral relationship between Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. They debate whether it’s a genuine romance or a carefully orchestrated publicity stunt, drawing comparisons to other celebrity relationships.

  • 900-1110: Health & Wellness with One Medical

    Hannah shares a personal story about a UTI and her positive experience using the One Medical app to get a quick and easy prescription.

  • 1110-1500: Life in Your 30s vs. Your 20s

    The hosts reflect on the differences between their 20s and 30s, highlighting a newfound confidence and a “not giving a f*ck” attitude, especially when it comes to dancing.

  • 1500-1800: Pop Culture: Almond Nails & AI

    The hosts discuss the millennial trend of “almond nails” and their shared dislike for AI-generated videos.

  • 1800-2160: Humorous Stories about Summering

    Paige tells a funny anecdote about playing a game with her toddler niece that felt like “community theater.”

  • 2160-2700: Ravioli & Food Discussion

    Hannah talks about her love for ravioli and how it’s her “safe space,” which leads to a brief mention of Auntie Anne’s Pretzels.

  • 2700-3300: Pop Culture & Random Thoughts

    The conversation shifts to the Amish community and the documentary Bama Rush, as well as the irony of talking for an hour on a podcast.

  • 3300-End: Cat Mom Life

    The hosts wrap up the episode by discussing their cats, mentioning a new cat named Boots and referencing a previous episode about cat readings.

 

🧍 People

 

 

📍 Places

 

 

🛍️ Brands, Sponsors, and Products

 

 

🎭 Events and Experiences

 

  • The Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce PR Relationship: A discussion about their public relationship and the speculation around it being a strategic PR move.

  • Hannah’s UTI Story: Hannah shares her personal story of getting a UTI and using the One Medical app to get a quick and easy solution.

  • Paige’s Toddler “Improv” Story: Paige tells a funny story about playing a game with her niece that she likens to “community theater.”

 

😂 Jokes and Humor

 

  • Running Gag – The “Unprepared” Podcast: The hosts frequently joke about their lack of preparation, saying “we don’t get ready.”

  • Humorous Observation – Life in Your 30s: Hannah’s relatable observation about being in your 30s and not caring what people think, especially when it comes to dancing.

  • Quote – “Community Theater”: Paige’s comparison of playing a game with a toddler to “community theater” is a memorable and funny punchline.

 

📺 Media Mentions

 

 

🍽️ Comedy Clubs, Restaurants, Venues

 

  • None mentioned.

 

📦 Products and Items

 

 

🎬 Comedy Sketch Ideas

 

  • The “Unprepared” Podcast: A sketch where the hosts are completely unprepared, making up facts and stories on the spot while pretending to be experts.

  • Dancing in Your 30s vs. Your 20s: A skit that visually contrasts the self-conscious, careful dance moves of a 20-year-old with the uninhibited dancing of a 30-year-old.

 

📈 Search Triggers & Internet Queries

 

  • What are almond nails?

  • What is the Bama Rush documentary about?

  • Is Taylor Swift dating Travis Kelce?

  • What is the One Medical app?

  • How to get a UTI prescription fast?

 

📌 Interesting Facts or Trivia

 

  • The hosts reveal their podcast is completely unscripted and they “wing it” every week.

  • The convenience of modern healthcare, specifically using an app for a quick prescription, is highlighted.

 

🗣️ Memorable Quotes

 

  • “It feels like the teacher just called your name and you’re like, ‘Okay, time to wing some shit.'” (56)

  • “We can’t be managed.” (9)

  • “I feel like I’m 34 and I don’t have to be cool anymore.” (1140)

  • “Almond nails are so millennial.” (1560)

  • “It feels like community theater at its finest.” (1800)

  • “I’ve been so busy summering and I’m not even doing anything.” (3555)

 

✂️ Clip Ideas (Under 90 Seconds)

 

  • 90-180: The “Showgirl” discussion about Taylor Swift.

  • 900-1020: Hannah’s positive experience using the One Medical app for her UTI.

  • 1140-1230: The hosts’ observations about being in their 30s and not caring what people think.

  • 1560-1650: The hosts’ debate on “almond nails” being a millennial trend.

  • 1800-1890: Paige’s funny story about playing with her niece.

 

📢 Calls to Action

 

  • The hosts mention their YouTube series and newsletter.

  • They also reference a previous sponsored episode.

Transcript
You know, we’re making art here. Sup, gigglers. Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that [ __ ] We can’t be managed.
I mean, the day just got away from me. Hello, my glowing aura gigglers. I’ve
hope you all recovered from our cat readings from last week. Welcome back to Giggly NPR.
I know that we say like, “Okay, let’s start the pod.” But every time then you actually start I’m like oh my god I’m
not ready. Okay. Can I say my most intrusive thought? Can I remember like what we don’t get
ready. We don’t get ready. But my intrusive thought is like it hit me like yesterday that like a lot of people listen to this
podcast. No. Sometimes I get actually I actually can’t think about it sometimes because I’m like oh I am just sitting here [ __ ]
talking like I haven’t looked into anything. I remember you. Nothing’s come
across my desk. It feels like the teacher just called your name and you’re like, “Okay, time to wing some shit.”
I So, first of all, I disagree with what was said before me. Second of all, I’m going to add on to the thing the other girl said and I
agree. Next. That is a fear that like still haunts me of being called on in
class and you are not have not been paying attention at all and you’re like uh how many times did you have to be
like I have I don’t know. Okay. I was a really good student in
high school. So I was like I literally was that annoying person that was like pick me pick me. I was such a pickme.
But then in college I didn’t have time to study because I was playing tennis. So, for the first time
ever, I was like trying not to make eye contact with teachers. When they’d ask a question, I’d like pretend I dropped my pencil.
No, it was so I like kept dropping my pencil whenever they asked the question. I’d be like, I’m pencil.
No, my tricks knew no bounds. No bounds. I mean, this look, this podcast is about
cheating in school. That’s the only thing you’ll learn. Girls had a sore throat. I was like, you have to hit them with an itchy eye. You
have to go you have to go so high brow they’re not expecting it. Wait, do you know what we didn’t address at all?
What? My birthday. We forgot. We forgot my birthday. Stacey
Schroeder is shaking somewhere. She’s shaking. I literally I have your birthday gift on my counter and I was
looking at it the other day and I was like, “Wait, is this like so stupid?” Like the things that I got you because
here’s the thing. If you want something, you can go. You’re like, I okay, I’m gonna go get this thing for myself. And
so I feel like our gift giving, it’s more like I saw something and I was like, Hannah needs this.
Is it frog crocs? People have been sending me that a lot. It’s just like, okay, do you want to know actually what it is?
Oh my god, I’m so bad at gift giving. Gigglers, this is a a a press conference
right now. Breaking news. I saw these salt. I’m on a whole like g
like gift giving for like the home. So I saw these salt and pepper shakers that are shaped like olives and I was like
Hannah needs us obviously. And then they had a matching like spoon
restster like for when you’re cooking and it’s like a big ravioli and I was like Hannah needs
see these are things I would never even know to get for myself. Like that’s actually so good and so genius. And
McKenna’s not cooking, but if people come over, I want them to think like she has a spoon rest in the shape of a
ravioli. She’s not [ __ ] around. She’s not [ __ ] around and she doesn’t take herself seriously. Like she she has
fun with it. I did. And then I had it engraved and it says happy birthday. So like, okay, that’s next level. That was
unnecessary. You didn’t need to do that. But I do have to say I I turned an interesting age.
What did you turn? That’s how interesting it is. 34. Yeah. Which is
40. 33 is still 30. Once you turn 34, you’re 40. And that’s just math.
Hannah, I know exactly what you’re talking about cuz 35 35 is 40. 34. It’s the first time
I actually like I’ve been I’m young. I’m young. I’m now. But I had a little fear.
I said I feel like Paige when she turned 30. I’m scared. And then I thought, wait, I’m 34.
Yeah. No one can make me take a shot again. No one can make me go I I just
look I don’t need an excuse. I just go I’m 34. Look at my birth certificate. Yeah. Check my ID. I’m 34. That’s illegal.
You want to know what I hated turning 30. Then I turned 31 and I realized 30
to 33. That’s the same age. Same age. That is the same age. 34. I’m in a different realm. I actually
do feel like people can call me ma’am now. 34 to 37. Same age. I have something
profound to say. Yeah. For the girls in their 20s who are scared of getting in their 30s.
It’s the best. It’s the best. And I I have like an example for it. You know, in your 20s
and in your teens how like when you dance you feel like everyone’s watching. Yes. And you’re like a little You can’t enjoy
it cuz you’re like that was a weird move I just did. Or like that was stupid. Everyone could tell I’m trying too hard
and I’m a bad dancer. Living in your 30s is literally dancing.
One, not giving a [ __ ] if people can see you, but actually enjoying dancing.
I don’t identify with this metaphor. You know, was I was in the car yesterday
and I was feeling myself and I was dancing and I was literally like, “This is 34, baby. I don’t give a fuck.” I’m
like that that weird person like in the club that everyone’s like, “Is she okay?” And it’s like, “Well, she’s having more fun than all of us.” Like,
that’s me now. I’ve never felt more millennial than in this moment. Oh, that was so mean of you.
30. You’re dancing in the car. 34. This is 34, baby. And I quote,
also I was rapping Lil Wayne. Like, it was so You were having a day. You get a license.
I was having a millennial die. I stopped trying to be something I wasn’t. You were like, “Where the [ __ ] is my
Hillary Duff CD?” Like, truly. And I was like, I need Well, Grace filmed a video
of me and I kind of panicked and in it I did peace signs and I said something else and she stopped the video and she
goes, that’s two strikes, two millennial strikes. So, I’ve been in timeout.
You Yeah, you have to. And you’re just like you’re you’re summaring. Sorry, you’re summering.
Sorry, I’m summering. But I just feel like there’s no expectations on me to be fun anymore. To be like, you don’t not
having to be cool is where you find your actual cool.
Well, it’s relaxing. Like 20s, you had to be hot.
I went out with my family this weekend. Chey.
So cheeky. And I heard my dad say, “Paige is going to want to leave in like another hour anyway.” And I was like,
first of all, spot on. And second of all, I would have gone then if someone presented the option, and third of all,
I love that I’m like I’ve hit an age where they’re like, Paige doesn’t want to keep going. And like I even get hit with old Paige
would have loved this. And I’m like, old Paige would have old Paige would have [ __ ] loved this.
And you know what? But new Paige has to go to bed. And old Paige did everything she could. She did. and she has nothing left and
let’s embrace her and let’s thank her. I will never forget when we were at the time party and I said to you, “Can we
leave?” And you didn’t hear me and I thought you didn’t want to leave and there was like 10 seconds where I felt
like I lost my best friend. Like I was looking around. I was like, “I’ve lost her. I’ve lost her to this part. What
you’re like, her personality, she’s different. She’s changing.” It’s kind of like when your friend hangs out with
another friend and then comes and hangs out with you. They’re like a little They’re They smell different.
Yeah, they smell different. They’re like, “Oh.” It’s like, “Oh, you’re in.” They say something like kind of funny and you’re like, “Where’d you learn
that?” Like, you wait, when did you go there?
I go, “When did you ever use that vernacular before?” I never approved that. I never approved that at all.
Wait, vernacular is a great word. I’ve never said that word before, which is crazy. That’s really good. Okay, we have to
talk about this because like I know it’s it’s like late now. Like oh like it’s
like it just like it happened. Yeah, but like we only record once a week. So it’s like we have to Sorry, we’re a week late
and that’s the news. Also, we have so much news we cover on this pod. Like we’re catching up. You never got news a week late. Like
hello. Look alive. It’s historical. It’s literally historical. Sorry. Learn from history. Continue,
Paige. Wait, you know what I keep thinking of? When I came to the Hamptons and you were
like, “Well, obviously we’re going to touch on the classics.” I can’t stop saying. Also, we because
Dez was there, I feel like we’re low performing. Like, look at our friendship. Look at Look at this. We’re
like, “Wait, you don’t know this story? Buckle in.” We were setting each other up for jokes.
We were performing. We’re performers. Life of a Showgirl. Um, no. What I
wanted to talk about was Taylor Swift going on Travis Kelce’s podcast. Okay. First of all, I love Travis
Kelsey. I love Taylor Swift. Something deep down within me. I don’t like when girls help men in any capacity.
Okay. I’m so glad you worded it like that because here’s what I want to say about it because I feel like people were
tagging me and things and also people like in the comments on their own accord were like, “I’m so surprised she like
did it on his podcast or like whatever.” When you’re in love,
you do stupid [ __ ] You will truly do anything to help that
person. Why did I just say person like that? Person. Person.
Well, you will do anything to like elevate that person or like Yeah.
You know, like she obviously knew then he was going to be on GQ and she was probably like, “Wait, you know, it would be really cute if I came on your
podcast. Everybody’s wanting it.” Like, you’re so right. And one thing about Taylor is she loves love.
She loves love. She loves love. So, I really think anyone thinking that they were in a PR relationship for me, which
I didn’t think that. Maybe I did like in the very beginning, but like I didn’t I don’t think that. But I feel like that
kind of proved no, they’re not. Like she wanted to do this because she loves this man and she wants him to get those views
and those clicks. And you don’t want a man that has no passion
or a job. I mean, obviously he plays in the NFL, but like No, she’s like, “We’re going to need to up your podcast listens.”
Yeah. Like he’s not going to play in the NFL forever. And like now he hosts a number one podcast. Like
yeah, the truth is is when you love someone, they are you like you are the same. So it’s like her helping him. It’s
not like that. Um it’s more we don’t know things. So we just see like okay she’s perfect and she’s helping him. And
look look charity is a great thing like more people should do. Philanthropy is like the best thing on
the planet. Yes. Like everyone should consider at least volunteering but unless you’re in love don’t go on
his podcast. Don’t go on his podcast. Did you listen to it? No. You saw clippies though?
I saw clips. Here’s the thing. I think because I am on a podcast, I don’t find
enjoyment in listening listening to other people’s podcasts
because I’m like, “Oh my god, wait, should I be doing that?” Like, am I do I
sound like that? Or like just random things. Unless it’s a very specific podcast that I want to listen to. That’s
a baby. There’s a baby making biscuits behind me. That is a cute baby.
Check the YouTube. This is Latte. Oh my god, she looks AI. Yeah. Okay, here’s another thing. Um, I’ve
been getting duped with AI videos. I feel like a 65-year-old
mom on Facebook and I’m sending it to my kids. Like, look at this. Unless something happens to me in
person, I don’t trust what I read online. And I also don’t trust what people are saying online.
I No, I don’t believe Unless it’s I don’t trust what we say online.
I don’t trust this pod. I don’t trust other pods. Unless it’s [ __ ] happened. If you see it with your eyes,
I was in the room. Yep. Unless I was in the room. Unless you stabbed the person. It didn’t
happen. No, I don’t trust anyone. What AI tricked you? A whale. It was a whale video.
Oh, that’ll do it. That’ll do it. because you’re not familiar with the with whales and their their ways.
I’m not specifically familiar, but I literally now check the comments and for
someone to be like, “This is AI.” And I’m like, “Oh, oh my god.” Wait, one more thing I want to say about the Taylor Swift thing.
Yeah, I did clock that she said a lot of Giggly Squad phrases. And not not that
we started any of those phrases. We plagiarized all of them. Most of them. Like they’re common phrases. We took
words that were already invented and put them together. Yeah. She quoted um we ride at dawn.
No, she didn’t. Yeah, she did. She said like we ride at dawn about something. No, she didn’t. Then she said um I’m pretty sure she
said women in STEM, but maybe she didn’t. I might have made that one. I might have made that one off. I’m pretty sure she said she said hello gorgeous
gigglers. We know a giggler because she’s smart, funny, and talented and rich.
And she has cats and cats. And she has cats. No, like she’s definitely a giggler. And I have to just say
her coming out with another album. Like when does she sleep? It’s so iconic cuz one thing that we do
love, which is so funny cuz we pretend we don’t. We love a hardworking girl. We love a hardworking girl.
We love a girl that while people are talking [ __ ] about her, she’s too busy working to even know what people are
saying. Oh, that’s literally like when when Haley was like, “Sorry, I’m busy.”
Yeah. signing a billion dollar deal. Like, I don’t have time for it. And Taylor, throughout all her ups and
downs in her life, has continued to create what she loves. And I also love this album, the showgirl element. Like,
I’m obsessed. Who doesn’t love a little glitz and glamour? It’s giving us on tour. No, the life of a showgirl. It really
It’s tough. What if her next album’s Beta Blocker? Beter blocker. Beta blocker blues.
Okay. If she says Beta Blocker in one of the songs, then we know she’s a Taylor. If you say beta blocker, we got
you. Like, we won’t say anything. Speaking of big pharma. Yeah. I unfortunately was hit with another UTI
this past week. You hate to see it. You hate to hear about it. Thoughts and prayers go out.
And I’ve realized that I get one every five months is like my sweet spot.
I feel like that’s a lie. I feel like if we rewind the track, Grace, Chris, rewind this. It’s a little more often
than every five months. My last one was in April. I checked my medical records.
Oh, so you’re counting when you get hospitalized for a UTI. Yeah. When I have to take go on literal antibiotics. I’m not talking about text
messages where I’m like, “Sorry, can’t come UTI?” Not to mansplain you, but have you tried boric acid?
uh not a standalone, but if it’s in any of my vitamins, then yeah, I’m I take
like um D manos, I think it’s called, and like I drink a powder vitamin every
day for like strong bladders. And I mean, I’m doing the I’m
not just out here willy-nilly. I’m putting in the work in. I’m putting in the time. I a company sent me like a
boric acid thing that you just stick up your [ __ ] and it’s supposed to be really good. So
just look that up. Not that you need more things sticking inside you cuz you just you put everything inside you at
this point. So we don’t even have a we have too many variables to even have like a good experiment. Um wait is are
you still on your UT UTI? I actually finished my finished my antibiotic yesterday. Should we call it a UT
UT? I feel like it is bammer rush right now and I feel like I would be like
UTI gamma gamma UTI.
But here’s what I’m here to say. I wasn’t in New York City when I felt it hit. And like that’s when I go into pure
panic mode. I don’t think people realize that remember one medical like it was a
separate app that Amazon owns one medical now and you can literally go on
your Amazon account, go on one medical, take like text to a freaking doctor and
be like, “Hey, I have a UTI.” And they’re like, “Cool. Where’s your pharmacy?” And they just send it. I got an antibiotic in 20 minutes.
Amazon is taking over. They’re they’re doing same day stuff, which is like coming for Instacart. Amazon is is
getting very powerful. They’re getting really powerful and although that is terrifying
and I am employed by them. I’m here to say I’m for the One Medical.
Like I No, One Medical is amazing. I I use it. It’s amazing. You guys, this is a health
podcast. This is a health podcast. This is like this is like tips and tricks on living life. Like this is just
something I’ve experienced in my everyday life and I I’m proud of it.
But I do keep getting tagged in random Tik Toks of like you might have a six-month-old STD and I’m like guys.
No, cuz one thing the gigglers are is looking out for us. But leave me out of that one.
It’s not Oh, that’s what Taylor Swift said. She said it’s none of my business. She said that there might be and you
want to know what [ __ ] I agree. There might be headlines about
me and my name could be in headlines and it’s still none of my business. Did she say that?
Yes. Oh my god, I love And I’ve never felt more seen because I’m like, wait, I could be I could be
the subject of an entire Why was I just going to say eulogy? That’s so scary
because that’s when someone dies. Here’s the thing. Words are powerful.
Words are powerful. Let’s pick the right ones. And it might be none of my business.
And the none of my business tour starts in September. Get your tickets now. No, none of my business. The concept is
so powerful because if you we’re in a world where you can make everything your business and as humans we cannot consume
so much information about ourselves about our friends. It’s not natural. No.
So that’s why that’s why trades are coming back. We need a break.
That’s why dwives are coming back. That’s why maybe the Amish were on to something like a calm.
Should we do should we start like an Amish but like where the women are allowed to speak
or is that Scientology? It’s just I don’t want to be in a I want to be alone. Yeah. I want
pods. Pods. I just want to be alone like 80% of I want to invent a social media where it
just shows you what you need to know.
like and you put it in like you’re literally like I need a cat video, a recipe and that’s it. Like I think
information actually needs to beh
um speaking of information Yeah. Have you heard that almond nails are
millennial? Yeah, that’s why I switched to square
because I was like I saw you go square and you didn’t tell me why. You didn’t tell me why. You just did it.
Listen, you just did it and you were like laughing at me behind my back being like, “Look at this stupid millennial.” I saw I knew you were mouththing that to
Grace. I knew you were mouththing that to her. She just look at the stupid mill with her on just walking around. In my
defense, in my defense, I was never an almond girly. I was always square. And then I
went almond for a couple months. I can’t handle how you’re saying almond right now. Almond.
Almond. Almond. Almond. Almond. Stop. So, I guess you I guess you are
saying the L. I say almond cuz I’m not a freak. Almond. Almond. Almond.
You’re a [ __ ] You’re a [ __ ] You’re a real problem. You’re a real problem. Wait.
Wait. What was I remember? You were just like remember you just repeat what your brother said and you’d be like, “Stop it.” Be like, “Stop it.”
Sorry. I’ve been hanging out with toddlers. I was a little sister, so I was the one fighting for my life.
Well, I’ve been playing with toddlers all weekend and I finally found the perfect game.
Mhm. She pretends cuz all they want to do is improv. Yeah. And we did too many like racing and
we’re just improving and back it up. She walks in the room and I said, “Give
me a motive. What is my character?”
No, we’re describing kids playing as literal it. We are riffing. Okay. Do you want to
know the kind of riffing we’re doing? So, first I see her and I have to make her laugh. So I said, “Farty poopy
Bobby.” Cuz that’s her brother. She loves when we [ __ ] on her little brother. She starts laughing and she goes, “Farty poopy dez.” And I start
laughing and then I go, “Farty poopy bed.” And then we’re just naming everything in the room. And this [ __ ]
was quick. Yeah. And next, you know, I’m like object. But then
she would ask where Butter is and I’d be like, “Butter’s scared.” And sometimes Butter Butter hisses. She’s scared. So
then she walks in this morning and she goes, “Hi, butter.” So I go, “Meow.” And
she goes, “My name is Hannah and we don’t like Lois.” And I And so then I
hiss. It’s a tel nolla. That’s just the
But then she’s like, “Okay, butter, come cuddle.” And I realized I could lay
down, close my eyes, and that’s the game. So, she was like literally petting my hair and I was going and I was like,
“This is [ __ ] perfect.” So, I literally like napped for 45 minutes and she was being me. She was wearing
sunglasses being like, “Butter, don’t be mean to Lois.” She goes, “Lois is a nice person.
Don’t be mean.” And I go and she goes, “Butter, stop it.” And poor Butter never want to be a part
of any narrative. No, this is theater. And it’s this is theater. And then sometimes she
like throws in a new spin on things that I like. She should be a producer.
This is community theater at its finest. And we need to stop saying children are playing pretend. They’re artists
and they’re improv. They’re comedians. Do you ever see those kids who like
remember things from past lives on Instagram? I’m obsessed with them. I hope to have one one day.
So I tried to get that out of Lois. She said something. She was like, “Did you ask Lo Lois what your aura color is?”
Well, Lois’s aura color is pink and purple. My god. Obviously. Obviously. Um, I’m going to
ask her. That’s a really good question. She was like, “You were red cuz you were a [ __ ] and now you’re better
and then you went to some you did some EMDR therapy and you’re much better.” She’s perfect. I love her. She’s
perfect. Um, is she still there? Yeah, she’s running around right now. She’s going to make a cameo later.
She’ll come in and say and say Giggly Squad. Oh, I did go I was going like and she
looked at me and she goes, “There’s no spitting in this house.” Oh my god, you’re a literal mom.
In my own house. Yeah. And I said, “Valid. That was gross. I am so sorry.”
What are like three-year-old girls into? She’s three, right? Two. Yeah. She loves Bluey
and familiar. She It’s like very good. We actually watched Pokemon, which I
remembered and I was like, “Wait, this is iconic.” Um, she loves cats, little
kittens. So, we’re kind of the same person. Yeah. Um, she loves talking [ __ ] about her brother. Mhm.
She She literally will be like, “Bobby, Bobby spilled a water.” All day she’s going up to people going, “Bobby spilled
a water.” Wait, I’m obsessed with that. Hold them accountable.
She goes, “I know you think that man is all happy and never made a mistake before. Literally just spilled a water.”
Threeyear-old girls, three-year-old girls really I feel like back to Mystic Michaela
thing something gets society knocks things out of them because the boundaries in which a three-year-old
little girl has I standing firm. So these she made a friend yesterday
also. I wish we could make friends like three-year-olds do. Lois is very social though. Like she sees someone and she’s
like, “Okay, we’re playing like that’s what we do.” And her and this girl were like singing together and
performing and I was like, “This is like something healed in me. Speak of the little devil. She’s just seen me.” Good
thing she doesn’t know how to open the door. She’s very confused by doorork knobs. So, she’s not getting in,
you know, and and it comes with age. I am obsessed with her. I want to
freaking eat her. Um, oh, wait. I also had one more like really important note.
Yes. Italians calling something a panini
Yeah. is like dramatic. It’s a toasted sandwich. It’s not a
whole different It’s just toasted. And they’re like, “Oh, do you want a panini?” Toasted. There’s whole
industries built on basically just a toasted sandwich.
Yep. Yep. That they’ve created this entire lore that it’s a completely different cuisine
like a panini. I mean, is it pressed? Yes. But still not enough.
I argue the question is a bacon, egg, and cheese a panini. I would say cuz it’s not pressed. It’s
not. But like, is a tuna a panini? Yeah, I’d say yes.
I would argue yes. If I was under oath, I would testify
that yes, a tuna is a panini. Wait, can you please can you please do the cousin Vinnie quote when she’s under
oath? Wait, this is so funny that you’re asking me this cuz yesterday I was at
the track with my whole family and they were like, Paige, do the thing. Do the miserto.
Um, what part was I did? Um, the defense is wrong. My f My father was
a mechanic. My father’s father was a mechanic and my brother’s a mechanic. So, yeah, I’m an expert.
Imagine you’re a deer and you’re prancing along. You spot a brook. You put your little deer lips down to the
cool, clear water. And then bam, a [ __ ] bullet hits you in the head. You think you’d give a damn what the guy who
shot you was wearing? Now I ask you that is the greatest movie of all time and
Marissa to May like did she win an Oscar for that? Because if not absolutely
robbed. She wore a uniard the whole time. You know
the whole time. The UTI that woman had to suffer. No, I’m obsessed with that movie.
Oh, I remember what I was going to say about Lois. Yeah. Okay. This p this week is all over
the place. And we apologize because literally I I can’t do anything but quote Kylie. We’re summering. I’m
literally I’m in the thick of summering. I’m in the throws of it. Throws of it. And we forgot how to form
brain cells. No, truly anyone that I work with currently right now,
I I’ve been sending text messages being like, “Sorry, I’m just like really not trying to work the month of August.” And I really
truly called She’s like, “How do we get Paige to respond to a text?” I go, “She’s summering, babe.” Grace and Josephine. I’m like, “Hey,
quick uh update. I won’t be in anywhere.” I called you and I was like, “Hey, you can’t block Grace.”
Sorry. I would like to bring the European Union to America for the month
of August. We’re all off. I dare you to change your email to be like, “Thanks. I’m out of office. I’ll
be returning in 2027.” I would love to. I would literally love
to. People are like planning things for the fall. I’m like, “Guys, no, no, no. Stop. Let’s live in the present. Let’s
live in the moment.” They’re like, “We need decisions today.” I’m like, the only thing I was going to say about
Lois was that she said something like, “When I was in my mommy’s belly, she said something.” So then I I immediately
clocked that and I said, “What else did you see when you were in mommy’s belly?” Do you remember what happened before you were in mommy’s belly? And she looked at
me and she was like, “I don’t know.” And I’m like, “Was there a war?” Oh my god. Do you think Lois is reincarnated? I don’t know, but I’m
getting to the bottom of it. Yeah. I’m just asking her light questions. I’m like, you’re just peppering her with a little
Do you remember how the pyramids were built? Were you there? Imagine.
I don’t know. I Those videos freak freak me out. But I do have to make an announcement. Yeah.
My summer’s like about to be over. Why? Oh, because you’re going on tour.
No, before that, my Super Bowl is happening. The US Open begins.
Oh my god. For people who don’t know this, the US Open is two weeks. Yeah. And I’ve never been I’m basically
playing in the US Open this year. No one’s asked me. I haven’t gotten a call from anyone, but I’m going to be there.
Um I’m So I’m booked up. Yeah. These next two weeks I’m going matches.
I’m interviewing people. I I’m basically It’s Sorry, there’s a cat on my shoulder. Yeah.
Do you think there’s any questions about the US Open that we could help the girls with? Cuz I feel like some girls are going to go like what should the girls
be wearing this year as opposed to other years? Sorry, that was so much fun.
Sorry, you’ve stumped. That was okay. I feel like I get asked this a
decent amount when it comes to like what are you wearing? I think like Morgan Riddle and Paige Lauren really like do
such a good job I mean of what they wear and such good inspo
but it’s like any other preppy event like you’re wear it’s preppy so you’re
like you have to think east coast Nantucket Martha’s Vineyard uh the
Hamptons like you have to think that aesthetic and that vibe and anything and it
whatever you would wear during the day there you could wear to the US Open.
Do you know what? I think Hannah coded wise, what I wore once that I liked was kind of these like baggy khakis or like
white pants. I’d worn it with a tube top, which I haven’t been wearing lately, but
Well, you’re 34. No, I’m just kidding. I’m kidding. I’m That was a joke. That
was a joke. No, you’re so valid. I’m 34 with a long torso. I’m not wearing Amazon $12 bandos
anymore. Like it’s over. Let’s stop playing games.
Sorry. I’ve never wore a long tor. Yeah, it’s insane. It looks like a bando. Um I
loved Meline Klene wore this like I love monochromatic, but she just wore like a buttoned up like sweater
and then like a a like a Ralph Lauren hat like baseball hat. I love
dress like a celebrity undercover like a little bit at the US Open. It’s like cute. Also, it’s very sunny. So, if you
do if you do look good in hats, I don’t. I have a peanut head. I I look insane with hats. Wear a little baseball cap
with a cute little outfit. Um, have fun with socks. I feel like saying that you don’t look good in hats is so
crazy to say. That’s what someone with pretty privilege would say. But I look I look
at you more than you look at you. Period. That was crazy.
Wait, that was crazy cuz we both know I don’t look in the mirror at all. So I You don’t look in the mirror. Do you know I tell everyone that, too?
Do you know? I’m like, do you know that Hannah like doesn’t look in the mirror? Wait, that’s actually right. I’m like right
before she showers, she doesn’t even glance. She’s so healthy. She’s epitome of healthy. I’m like, that’s so [ __ ]
healthy. Cuz you know what? What I look like is none of my business. None of my business. But as someone who looks at you more, you don’t I wouldn’t
walk by you and be like, “Damn, that girl, so [ __ ] small. I hope she never wears
a goddamn hat. We’ll never find her.” See what it is? My hair is also like, not to brag, it’s like kind of thick and
frizzy. So sometimes when I put a hat on or wear my hair down, I feel like insane. Like my hair is like
No, you have great thick long hair for a baseball hat. Are you kidding? It’s like that’s the sexiest for a baseball hat.
It’s like oh it’s like oh I’m a little athletic on top of like I’m going to post a photo of me in a
baseball hat and I’ll let the gigglers decide. They’ll vote. Yeah. Do Yeah. I would like that because you said the same thing about pulling
your hair back. We argued this episode.
I’m 34. Like I can’t handle this. I can’t change now. No, we can’t change now. And I’m going
to start using that as an excuse. Sorry. My best friend is 34. Wait, I’m older than you right now.
I think I’m coming. Yeah, you are. So maybe listen to someone wise who
knows that hats look stupid on her. Um, but yeah, the US Open is going to be fun. I’m actually I have a crazy thing
happening. What? I’m going with Chelsea Handler.
What day? But this is the like weird full circle moment. one that I taught tennis to her when I was like 21 and she she didn’t
remember. Two, she loves tennis and at one point she was like sitting in the
boxes of all the top tennis players. If you don’t know what a box is, it’s basically like the VIP table for the
match. So in someone’s box is like their significant other, their coaches, um
their psychiatrists, their managers, their best friends. So like wait, they’re really their psychiatrist
sometimes. Dang. Sometimes. Wait, you know, like we should bring a psychiatrist on tour with
us. It’s It’s expensive, but it may be worth the investment. I would love it. Like it’s their mental coach they call
it, but I’m like it’s just it’s a psychologist. Let’s be honest. Got it. Um so cuz you never know. You never know
when you’re going to need one. God, you never know. God, you never know. So I like Kim Kardashian would be in
Serena’s box all the time. Like it’s like cool. So Chelsea Handler was sitting in Maria Sherova’s box back in
the day and I was like, “Oh my god, that’s so cool.” Like imagine to be a fly in the wall. I’m sitting in
Sher Bubba’s box watching with Chelsea Handler in your ear. I’m going I’m sitting with Chelsea
Handler in a box. Whose box? I don’t know. Oh, like I don’t know. I honestly don’t
know. It’s very I don’t have any information. Like when Chelsea Handler says, “Hey, car is picking you up.”
Yeah. Be ready. I’m af I’m afraid. This is very exciting. What if I do MDMA at the US Open? Tell
me how it is. Wait, you’re going on Wednesday? I’m going Wednesday. No, but we’re going the following week
cuz it doesn’t start till the following week. Yeah, this is like a a mixed doubles promo. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it.
We’re going on the following week and I can only go Well, I really only go once a year.
You Yeah, you make your appearance. Sometimes I’ll go more if it’s like a if
it my schedule allows it. True. But this year, I thought I wasn’t going to be able to go at all, but I’m
go we’re going one time together because then I have to go away for a wedding. So, I’m missing all of it pretty much.
The Italy thing. I have to go to Tuscany for a wedding and I’m so very excited because one,
I’ve never been to Tuscanyany. And two, like this is black tie, honey. Like, this is
an extravaganza of a wedding. So, I’m like very excited. I have I have no looks obviously, but again,
how many looks do you have to do before I go to Italy? I like to keep the bar low. Well, I have
like a welcome party, a rehearsal, dinner, and then the wedding. So, I have three looks I need to do.
Oh my god. No, it’s a lot of pressure. It’s so much pressure to go a Tuskin. I saw a
Tik Tok the other day and it was just like I think it was Christina Kirk Kirkman.
Oh, yeah. She’s so funny. I think it was Christina Kirkman. She said something about like men like
packing for a trip like versus a guy. It’s just like okay they’ll bring like 12 pairs of shorts and 12 t-shirts.
Great. And you’re like doing the math like okay if we’re there for seven days and I need three outfits a day. It’s
like that well that’s 21 outfit and like that it’s a 7-day trip will put me over the edge.
Paige I was talking to Male Comic the other day and I was like what do you wear on your tour?
And that’s what I love, the honesty from the men, like the the earnest in their voice where they’re truly perplexed is
my one of my favorites.
I used to summer in Newport, Rhode Island. Shut up. Often as a a young child.
Really? Yes. I think that’s why I love period pieces because sometimes we we went to Newport maybe like twice
in the summer and we and as a child I loved going through the mansion tours.
We would do so many mansion tours and I was obsessed with it and like you go like the Vanderbilt
house and like all these different houses and they give you like all it used to be like a tour guide. Now it’s like headphones. It’s like not as good.
Um, as adults, but I think that’s why I love period pieces because as a young child, I loved it.
I’ve never went to Newport. Well, a lot of Italians are in Rhode Island. A lot of Italians are in Rhode Island,
which is so random. Like public schools in Newport is so random. Yeah, there’s probably no public schools in in
Newport, but um I’m going for the Tennis Hall of Fame, which is so funny because I kind of skipped the whole like playing professionally and just went from um
being comedian to going to the Tennis Hall of Fame, but I’m just like going with my parents and Dez and
Wait, you’re getting inducted into the No, but I’m there for it. Maria Sherova
is getting inducted. Got it. Got it. Cuz you know, my manifestation’s crazy. like wait a second that that manifestation might be actually illegal
and like not fair. What is the equivalent? I just like okay you know how like all men like men are like if I
like if I could have trained I could have been in the NFL or like if I was like if I was like an inch taller I
totally could have been in the NB like [ __ ] like that. Do women have an equivalent? I don’t think so because I
feel like we are realistic in certain aspects. Women are more than realistic. we’re like mean to ourselves where we’re like,
“Oh, like I’ll be like, “Oh my god, you’re so good at, you know, um, makeup. You could be a professional makeup
artist.” No, no, no, I couldn’t. No, no, no. I could never do that. And I’m like, “No, you’re literally doing
it.” No, I couldn’t. I mean, literally seven minutes ago, you were like, “I don’t wear hats. Hats are
not for me. I hate hats. I can’t wear a hat. I could be so many things if I could wear a hat, but I
can’t.” Men will literally wear a hat on the tippy top tippy tippy top of their
head, not even on their head, and they’ll be like, “This looks cool. This looks good.” And my poor friend won’t
even go near a hat without breaking out a tie. And melanoma is looming. Okay, melanoma
is looming. Put your sunscreen on. No. Men wearing their hat on the tippy top. Who let them? Who let them?
I have to confess something and it’s so bad because I know that I’m out here. You thought it was I’m I’m switching topics actually.
You’re like we’re done. Sorry. Something else popped in my head. Nope. Bar pass.
Sorry. This is so bad. And I know because I’m like on here every week being like I
love my skin care and like I do this and I do that. I put tanning oil on the other day. Paige Dorbo.
Not on my face. I didn’t put it on my face. Where’d you put it? On your [ __ ] That’s why you UTI. I saw it. I saw it and I was like,
“Did you paranium?” No, I did. No, I didn’t. But but I still want to do that. I saw it was just
sitting there. It looked lonely. I was like, I bet no one’s used you in years. Everyone’s talking bad about you and you
used to be my best friend and we had so many good times together. Where’ you go?
And I miss you. And so I did it on my stomach and my legs and my butt. And I really did the backside of me. But
here’s in my defense. I feel like in Italy I didn’t really tan the back of me. Okay. I had no interest in flipping
over. That’s where you’re wrong. The back of you is none of your business. It’s none of my business.
I’ve never once saw a girl have been like, “Whoa, her back of her leg is not the same color as the front of her leg.”
Really? I have. Like, ever heard of flipping, [ __ ]
Like, you can’t fall asleep. So, I’ve been playing tennis with a bathing suit on, and I didn’t realize the bathing suit in the back has like a
big circle in it cuz it’s a one piece, and the back is just circle. So, I have a full just like circle of a tan on my
back. But again, none of my business. I didn’t even know it was there. And I’ve been so peaceful until someone told me
and I said, “Uh-uh. I don’t want to know. Don’t come to me with things about me.”
Yeah. Don’t talk [ __ ] behind my back. Literally.
Okay. For everyone listening, don’t use tanning oil, Paige. You You know better than I’m not saying use it. I’m just I’m
confessing something. Let me live. This is a safe space for me. True. I do like her honesty. That was
really good. It’s And you want to know what I [ __ ] liked it. It did exactly. Now I have to step in. Now I have to
step in. And it did exactly. First it’s tanning oil, then it’s heroin. Then next thing you know, you’re
stealing from your family and you’re losing your job and you’re tweaking out. Yeah. Tanning oil actually is a gateway
drug because if you catch me with like a Beachbomb subscription, I’m like, I’m just going to go once a month. Stop me.
Truly stop me because that’s when I’ve gone too far. you’re passed out in the kitchen with tanning oil all over you
and I’m like, “God damn it, we got to get her to work.” I’m just like, “Wait, what if I just tried it?” It was just
like, it was a naughty thing. Look, I’m 32 years old. That’s my version of being naughty.
Yeah, we’re going to have to have a New Jersey intervention with you. I love it. I’m obsessed.
But I do have to say my favorite part about summer being tan is that like I don’t have to wear as much makeup
because it’s like naturally contouring. It’s the same with like having a bob. It becomes an accessory. I’m like I’ll put
this outfit on and then I’ll wear my tan like and I’m tan so like I’ll look better.
It’s so good. But I really feel bad because my I saw a girl the other day wearing like a red sweater and I was
like it’s fall. Oh, I thought you were gonna say not for my aura. Not not my aura, not my energy and not
my season. But summer for me is over. Like it’s I’m back to work. I’ve been on bed rest.
It’s like really stressing me out because I feel like I have a good solid like 3 weeks left of summer and you’re
like crushing my vibe. It’s okay because you’ve been working like really hard every summer. So this you need this. But like September 4th
I’m off to Vancouver, Oakland. I had a tough year. We’re out here. You did. But a beautiful year.
I had a beautiful year. I had like one of the best years of my life, honestly. Actually, I’m
like, all jokes aside, I actually think this was like this is in the top three
best years of my life. I’m feeling a mental health moment coming cuz I also feel like you dealt
with a lot of adversity, but you gained a lot of trust in yourself and you became more interesting to me at least.
I have to deal with you all the time cuz I’d be like, she comes down from the hotel room. I’m like, what mood is she
going to be? And you want to know what? Start normalizing people walking on eggshells
around you. I like that about No, but Paige, because like we’ve been together when we both have had like
mental breaks and we’ve survived it. Like, could we get any closer? I don’t think so. I think the only way
we could literally get closer is if I had a medical procedure and you were in the room with me like that is
and I was doing it. I was like give me the scissor.
Speaking of scissoring, I’m three episodes into The Hunting Wives. Yes, that is. No, speaking of
scissoring, because what in the Texas is literally going on on that show? I’m
obsessed with it because I’m obsessed with I don’t want Okay, kind of spoiler, but Dez was like, “What’s it about?” And
I was like, “How do I explain?” I said, “Dez, it’s for girls though. Like, it’s a show for girls. Like, it’s
for the girls.” And he’s like, “Well, let me let me see first. Let me watch it first to determine.” And I was
like, “No, no, no, no.” Cuz it is. I actually didn’t watch the last episode because I was like, “That’s very, what’s
going on?” It’s very I have to shout out Malin Acriman. I feel like she she’s never acted like this before and she’s so good
in it. Yeah. Um, but what makes it fun is because you think it’s this stereotypical like, oh, ladies who
brunch and spend their husband’s money and don’t do anything and this new girl comes in who’s like very smart and stuff
and you immediately think she’s better than those women. Then you realize those women are [ __ ] feminists cuz they’re
just [ __ ] each other and taking advantage of their husbands. And I’m starting to think we’ve we’ve got it all
wrong here. I didn’t see the element of like where
they were all going to like have sex with each other that like I was like oh my god I didn’t see that coming like
when the first sexual thing happened I was like wait that is so not what I thought see I can’t read certain things
in the be I’m like that was not what I was thinking I think they also wanted to surprise you like oh why are her tits out that came
out of nowhere I was like wait are they gonna [ __ ] there is something about a show that I
do like that when they give me that question where I’m like wait a minute are they about to hook up like that
excites me. I I I also think when that girl was
being mean to her, I didn’t realize she was It’s cuz she was jealous, not because she was just like being a [ __ ]
to the new girl. Correct. So now I’m trying to think like everyone every girl has been mean to me. I’m like, were you trying to [ __ ]
Yeah. Were you trying to [ __ ] Oh my god. But that’s why like No, I
just I think it it’s it was very entertaining. The Hunting Wives. I do have something that you guys have to
watch. M documentary about The Biggest Loser just came out on Netflix. Like the TV show.
Yeah. Did you watch The Biggest Loser? The Biggest Loser. We could be referring to a lot of people.
I mean, the list has no ad. We got a new thing at the end of the pod. We go, who’s the biggest loser of the week?
And the biggest loser of the week. Did you watch that show?
I didn’t, but I feel like my grandma watched it. So, I feel like by osmosis,
I feel like I watched a couple episodes. I was really into it. Really? I It was so like you’d see people be
like, “My life is ruined by my weight. If I could lose weight, it would save my marriage and my children and my life.”
And then you watch them get yelled at by Jillian Michaels, like really mean. And then they weigh themselves and they lose
15 pounds. And then you’re like hooked. You’re like this person. But when they
reanalyze everything, they realize like they’re basically telling people like if you’re fat, you you suck. Like you’re
not a human and and you can’t control yourself around food when everyone everything
it so fast though. Okay, it turns out well they were working out eight hours a day like
professional athletes. You just see them like on the treadmill puking like lifting tires and these are people who
like haven’t walked in years. even safe. So, there’s a doctor that was on the
show that was like, “Yo, you can’t. This person’s going to have a heart attack. They’re going to die. You’re going to die.”
But obviously the producers were like, “Shut the [ __ ] up, doctor.” Yeah. And they
leave it to a reality. Yeah. And they’d make them do embarrassing things like not good TV, but also could win us an
Emmy. Shut your [ __ ] mouth. Shut your [ __ ] mouth. So, and then they wanted people to get bigger and bigger and bigger to make it more
exciting. But the bigger the people are, the less they could like do physically. You got to start them off
slow. Then caffeine pills were going around. So the And then these people realized, I
want to win. They wanted to win $250,000. So this one guy was like, I was literally just drinking water and
lemon and like maple syrup. Like I did a cleanse. He said he was so dehydrated
that there was blood in his urine. But he won. But it was like at what cost? Some people left with
eating disorders. Some people their metabolism was [ __ ] forever and they gained the weight all the way back. Some
people were traumatized by the edit cuz they were given a villain edit and it’s like these people are just trying to
lose weight and they were make some friends are not friends anymore cuz they made the friends fight. Long story
short, I was a little traumatized by a little PTSD, but um at the time the
world was different back then and we were like yeah, they were transforming these people’s bodies. I would argue
I mean I watched a show called The Swan. I was going to say that was worse. That was Look at this hideous specimen
of a woman. We’re going to change her. Don’t worry. You won’t have to look at her anyway. Like that was truly insane.
And I think that did something to my brain chemistry. And also, there was always this like, I want to save my marriage. Like, my husband doesn’t like
me cuz I’m fat. And this woman told this great story where she went there to save her marriage because she was in a toxic
marriage and she thought he would stop cheating on her if she lost weight. Classic. She survives all this crazy stuff, get
gets back, looks gorgeous, and realizes I [ __ ] hate this guy.
Oh, that is the best. Is and gets out of the marriage. So, it was less changing her body. It was more
she changed her mindset. There’s nothing like waking up. There’s nothing like waking up and being
like, “Wait, you’re a [ __ ] loser.” And this is embarrassing for me and all
my friends. I got to go. And all my friends, you’re like, “Now I have to go on an
apology tour to my friends. God damn it.” No, you lit. It literally like, “Sorry, that was a weird time. Thanks for
sticking by me.” The the ick is real and I want It’s so real. And I want to say ladies,
women have been getting the ick since the beginning of the time, but they weren’t allowed to cuz we weren’t allowed to get divorces, but now we can.
So like go off like have fun. Um I love the idea
that like nowadays we could have multiple husbands. Yeah. Like even watching like Gilded
Age, they’re trying to like normalize being divorced cuz like at that time the only way you could get divorced was if
one of you committed adultery. And men men were like accepted back into
society. But like after a woman got divorced, even if she wasn’t the one that cheated, she like wasn’t accepted
back into society. They were like, “You’re done.” Well, you’re done. Literally, you’re done. And it’s just so
crazy. Like in this documentary, Mr. or Mrs. Murder, they’re super religious and
they’re having an affair together and the guy’s like, “Can you divorce your husband so we could be together allegedly?” And she was like, “No, but
if you kill him, I think we can.” And it’s like that’s not logical. No. Like God wouldn’t like that. I feel
like God would be like actually get a divorce. You know, it’s really scary to think about and maybe this is like something
like in your I mean you’re 34 so I’m sure you’ve thought about it before. I’ve had a lot of time. How many insane people there are and
you’re like, you’re allowed to do what I do in everyday life. It’s not safe for other
people. My favorite thing is when you see someone doing something in public and you’re like, how did you make it here?
How did you get that? You and I go through the same school system. Okay. The same school system.
And somehow you’re like be you’re being crazy. You ever see someone at a restaurant like how they’re acting? And I’m like,
you’ve been doing this for how many years and no one’s punched you in the face? Hello? Is everyone okay? Everyone needs
to get a check. Everyone needs to start summering more and just like calm it
down. Calm it down. Calm down. Summer Fridays. Embrace it. Embrace it.
Live it. Learn it. Put a summer Fridays mask on. I feel like you just discovered summer
this summer. I did. I’m like an alien. Have you heard of this thing called summer? kind of like
like it’s a Sunday and it’s like what will I do? I don’t know. I feel like a young Carrie Bradshaw. I’m like New York
is my boyfriend. I could do anything today. The world is at my feet. Shout out to teachers even though
they’re so so so so underpaid and undervalued. But at least people were
like they’ve been dealing with kids all year. Give them a summer. Can I say something? I do love clearing
a teacher’s list. It’s an adrenaline rush like no other. I’m like, [ __ ] yeah, they need those
markers. Are you kidding? Yeah, but I also think the government shouldn’t be making teachers have to
ask. Pay for markers. Okay.
Looking at the list, I’m like, wait, this is like these are such basic things like that.
Yeah, every school should have this. Every school should have it. Give them a clock. How do they know when they’re
getting to the next? And also, I will say like as a child because I loved aesthetic. Obviously,
I’m a pink aura. I judged a teacher by her room. Okay. I was like, “Okay, what’s going on here?”
No effort. The season has been changed. The fune is really off the energy.
I’m like, really? We’re in November. You still have apples up on your poster board like with all our names on it.
It’s time for snowflakes. Also, you’re like, it’s getting busy. Like, let’s get some snow border.
Interesting choice. Snowboard border. Also, clashing clashing colors.
I was I was very picky on classroom teachers aesthetic. I’m like with that
outfit, that’s crazy work. Crazy work. I love teachers who were exacerbated.
Like, I thought it was so cool when it I don’t think that’s the word for what like that was. No, but you know when
like a kid would start acting out and the teacher would be like, “Jerome, I’m not doing this with you, Jerome.”
Yeah. No, teachers have such a like No, I don’t know how they do it. I don’t
know how they do it. But I did see a Tik Tok actually cuz I’m like deep in I feel like teacher Tik Tok. Well, I’m on
Amazon looking at so many teacher stuff. My My phone is like you’re a teacher. Yeah. Um, I saw a teacher say like never
once has she referred to going and being a teacher as going to work. She always
says I’m going to school. Yeah. And teachers were like duetting it and being cuz one teacher was like, “Oh no,
I say like I have work.” And it’s like other teachers were like, “It’s not work, it’s going to school.” And I think
that’s like I never thought of that obviously because like once I left school, I never thought about it again. But but some of these people like they loved
they loved school so it’s like now they get to do it again and make it like amazing for the kids. Shout out to shout
out to my teacher. No. Shout out to teachers cuz like I feel bad they’re coming through a tough time. It’s going to they’re almost back
in and it’s scary. Final note. Final note. So I didn’t tell you guys cuz there was
drama going on with Grace and Boots. Yeah. And I didn’t want to upset the
gigglers before it was like dealt with because I wanted to give you an update was going on. Yeah. I didn’t want you guys like having
this on your heart. We’re not going to say something that and then you have more questions. More questions and I don’t want it heavy
on your heart while you’re going through your week. Yeah. So I’m ready to get Boots adopted and
the nurse comes back and says, “Sorry, you can’t bring her to Grace. She has a fever.” And when a kitten has a fever,
that’s crazy. Like it’s scary. And I was like, “Is she going to die?” And they were like, “We don’t know.” So I text
Grace and I’m like, “Hey, um, Boots is sick and could die.” And Grace was like,
“Are you going to pay for my trauma therapy?” And I said, “100%. This is all my fault.
It’s an HR issue. It’s an HR issue that we will deal with separately and privately.” But she
imagine us dealing with anything separately and also privately. Could you
map? What a luxury. What a luxury to deal with something separately and privately. The Grace documentary when it comes out
is going to be amazing. Um, she’s going to be faceless with her voice distorted. There’s going to be so many players and
like lore and like twists and turns. It’s crazy. There’s so many randoms.
So, Boots is getting taken care of. They’re giving her some meds. They’re afraid she has this thing called FIP.
It’s basically like feline corona virus. And then the vet takes her home to her
house. So we’re like that weekend and we’re like, “Oh no, like is Boots being trafficked, but the vet was like making
sure she’s going to be okay.” Finally, this last week was so nice of
the vet. No, I know. She went above and beyond. Boots has been feverree for 5 days.
She’s still going to be on meds, but Grace has officially taken home Boots as of yesterday, so we all are cat moms.
And that was quick. You did a quick flip on Grace. How many years is that?
Like three. Three. It’s pretty good. That I mean mine was like a solid seven.
I know. Well, that because we had some bumps in the road. We had some bumps in the road. We’re very busy with our cats. Um and
busy summering. We’re I’m so busy summering and I’m not even doing anything. It’s just me
sitting in my apartment being like, “Leave me alone.” and going, “Should I put more tanning oil on? You sicko. You
sicko.” Um, I’ve literally been spending too much time in Jersey. I’m just like, “Sorry,
I’m trying to fit in. Sorry. I want the girls to like me.” I’m like, “Hello.”
Oh my god. You have to smell. What is it? It’s Does it have like scent? It smells amazing. Like coconuts.
It smells like joy and wine trop. I mean, it’s just like I’m like, “Guys, I’m so sorry that you’re getting such heat right now.
They need new PR letter to my tanning. They need something like I mean it did
have a little SPF. No, basically I was a rotisserie chicken out
there and I loved every [ __ ] second of it. Um, we love you guys so much. Thank you for giggling with us and we’ll talk to
you next week. Bye.
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