Episode Summary & Topics

The We Might Be Drunk Podcast episode featuring guest Greg Fitzsimmons covers a variety of topics, often blending personal anecdotes with observations on the comedy industry and modern life. The episode can be segmented and summarized as follows:

Main Topics and Themes

• 00:00 - 02:30: Opening & Greg Fitzsimmons Joins / Fitzsimmons, Spaghettes, and Boston Comedy's Sobering Past
  Mark Normand and Sam Morril welcome Greg Fitzsimmons, an old friend and fellow comedian, noting his early recognition in the New York comedy scene. They try a drink called a "spaghette," described as Miller High Life beer with Campari, jokingly referring to it as the "Aperol Spritz for men". Greg Fitzsimmons reveals his 35 years of sobriety, leading to a discussion about the Boston comedy scene where young comics with driver's licenses would transport headliners with DUIs to gigs outside the city.
• 02:30 - 05:50: Early Days in Comedy & New York Stories / Comedy Origins and the Rat Nightmare
  The comedians reminisce about the tough early days of their careers in New York and Boston, including the struggle for stage time and recognition. Greg shares an anecdote about the "spaghette" drink and his sobriety. Sam Morril begins a lengthy and comedic story about a rat infestation in his apartment, detailing his terrifying experience and subsequent attempts to get rid of it.
• 05:50 - 09:40: The Spaghette Drink & Sober Stories / Wild Nights, Cocaine, and Rat Nightmares
  The discussion revisits the "spaghette" drink, with the hosts playfully trying to get Greg to taste it, while he reaffirms his sobriety. Greg shares a personal story about his past cocaine use, noting that being broke helped him quit due to the expense. Sam Morril continues his rat nightmare saga, describing his frustration with exterminators and a frightening experience of thinking the rat was in his bed.
• 09:40 - 13:10: Wild Nights, Cocaine, and Young Comics / Sheen, Spoofs, and the Rat Nightmare
  Greg discusses his past cocaine use, highlighting its expense as a "brake" on the habit. The conversation transitions to Charlie Sheen's role in Scary Movie 3 and the comedic style of spoof movies, praising the "dead straight" delivery of actors like Leslie Nielsen and George Kennedy in The Naked Gun. Sam Morril continues his rat problem narrative, detailing his difficulties with exterminators and a harrowing account of a friend who killed a rat by pushing a dresser into it.
• 13:10 - 20:00: Charlie Sheen, Scary Movie, Spoof Movies / Naked Gun, Comedy Acting & Old School Jokes
  The comedians delve into spoof movies, discussing the comedic genius of Leslie Nielsen in The Naked Gun and the importance of deadpan delivery. They recount a joke about "manslaughter" from the film. The challenges of writing a new hour of stand-up comedy are discussed, emphasizing the discipline required to start from scratch and avoid old material. Sam Morril provides further updates on his rat saga, including the exterminator bringing hockey sticks to kill the rats.
• 20:00 - 27:00: Naked Gun, Comedy Acting & Old School Jokes / Rat Nightmares & Exterminator Adventures
  The discussion on spoof movies continues, with comparisons of Leslie Nielsen's "dead straight" delivery to other comedians trying to "juice it". Sam Morril further details his escalating war against the rat, including the "Rat King" exterminator using hockey sticks, and a friend's story of killing a rat with a dresser.
• 27:00 - 34:40: Rat Nightmares & Exterminator Adventures / Rat Tales & NYC Pest Control
  Sam's rat saga reaches new levels, with discussions about finding competent exterminators, his nightmare of a rat in his bed, and other rat experiences shared by friends. They joke about the exterminator's brutal methods, including using hockey sticks, and jokingly refer to him as the "Rat King".
• 34:40 - 42:10: Rat Tales & NYC Pest Control / NYC Boroughs, Dive Bars & Local Culture
  The rat infestation in Sam's apartment remains a central topic, with stories about various exterminators and shared rat experiences. The conversation shifts to the craft of stand-up comedy, particularly the challenges of writing new material and gaining momentum, comparing it to starting a bicycle. They discuss the ephemeral nature of topical jokes (e.g., Olympics material) and the value of "evergreen" jokes, mentioning the New York Post as a "premise machine" for material.
• 42:10 - 47:50: NYC Boroughs, Dive Bars & Local Culture / NYC's Controversial Planner and Comedy Craft
  The hosts and guest discuss Robert Moses, a powerful and controversial urban planner in New York City, referencing the book The Power Broker. They highlight his racist legacy, such as building low overpasses to prevent city buses from reaching Jones Beach. The conversation returns to comedy writing and touring, emphasizing the discipline of creating new material and using the New York Post as a "premise machine". They briefly mention touring in Dayton, Ohio, humorously calling it "methy as fuck".
• 47:50 - 53:00: "Naked Gun" & Spoof Movie Humor / Growing Up: Old NY, High School Stories
  The discussion focuses on The Naked Gun and the art of spoof movie humor, particularly the effectiveness of casting serious dramatic actors like Leslie Nielsen in comedic roles for a deadpan delivery. They share jokes from the movie and mention Scary Movie 3 and Airplane!. A sponsored segment for the clothing brand Quint is included.
• 53:00 - 57:50: Growing Up: Old NY, High School Stories
  Greg Fitzsimmons shares stories about growing up in Tarrytown, New York, a town he describes as having a "right and wrong side of the tracks" dynamic. He contrasts his high school experience, marked by many friends dying from drunk driving or shootings, with his children's high school. Another sponsored segment for Chubbies clothing is mentioned.
• 1:00:00 - 1:05:00: Working for Ellen & TV Writing
  Greg Fitzsimmons discusses his experience as a writer on The Ellen DeGeneres Show during its first two years, describing Ellen as "rough" and "not nice". He recounts the initial fun atmosphere before the show launched, which changed for the worse as the show became successful and started winning Emmys. Greg mentions winning four Emmys for his work on the show. He shares an anecdote about a warm-up joke involving the word "banana" that caused an awkward moment with Ellen, highlighting her "control freak" nature. Fitzsimmons notes that first-time writers on the show often cried in the hallways due to the stressful and fearful environment. He attributes his ability to cope to prior experience with tough bosses like Bill Maher.
• 1:05:00 - 1:10:25: Life After Ellen & The Porn Awards
  Greg talks about his jobs after leaving The Ellen DeGeneres Show, including working on The Man Show and hosting the "Porn Awards" in Vegas. He mentions that Ellen DeGeneres found it funny that he hosted the "Porn Awards", despite their past working relationship. Greg recounts the absurdity of hosting the Porn Awards, including dildos and "manginas" as centerpieces, and shares a raunchy opening joke. He also humorously describes hiding a "mangina" in a hotel bathrobe pocket to avoid TSA.
• 1:10:25 - 1:12:30: Warm-Up Nightmares & Hollywood Energy
  Greg tells a story about a warm-up gig for a TV show, leading to a discussion about their pet peeves with tightly tucked-in hotel sheets, which they liken to a "straight jacket". The conversation also touches on the perceived difference in energy between New York and Hollywood comedy, with Hollywood being described as "douchy".
• 1:12:30 - 1:17:10: Comedy Gripes: Hotels, Pillows & Peeves
  The comedians discuss their pet peeves about touring and hotels, focusing on the frustration with tightly tucked-in sheets and the difficulty of finding a good hotel pillow. Greg desires "one good one" instead of "eight shitty pillows". Mark Normand makes a joke comparing tightly tucked sheets to trying to "break out of a coffin".
• 1:17:10 - 1:21:00: Chains, Charity & Tipping Grievances
  The comedians express frustration with modern practices, particularly the "donate a dollar" question at chain stores for charity, feeling corporations take credit for public donations. They discuss tipping culture, contrasting it with Australia where tipping is not expected, which they find "glorious". Mark Normand jokes about Walgreens asking for childhood diabetes donations while selling candy at children's eye level. The conversation also briefly touches on the quality of hotel pillows and the difficulty of finding a good one.
• 1:21:00 - 1:28:10: The Craft of Comedy & Tour Life / Upcoming Shows, Specials & Closing
  The hosts and guest discuss the challenges of being a touring comedian, including the discipline of writing new material and avoiding old jokes. Greg compares the momentum of writing new jokes to starting a bicycle. They promote their upcoming shows and projects, including Greg Fitzsimmons' new special, Fitch Dog Comedy. Mark and Sam mention their upcoming tour dates, including a festival in Saudi Arabia, and joke about the rules of performing there, such as not being able to kiss one's wife in public.

Overarching Themes and Discussion Points

• The Grind of Comedy: A consistent theme is the challenging nature of a comedy career, from early struggles for stage time and navigating tough bosses like Ellen DeGeneres or old Boston comedy legends, to the continuous demand for new material and the exhaustion of touring.
• The Rat Nightmare Saga: Sam Morril's ongoing, detailed, and often hilarious account of his rat infestation serves as a recurring source of humor and mock-horror throughout the episode.
• The Art of Comedy and Joke Writing: The comedians frequently discuss the craft of stand-up, including the discipline needed to write new hours, the difference between topical and evergreen jokes, and the use of sources like the New York Post for material. They also explore comedic acting and the nuances of spoof films.
• New York City Culture and History: Discussions often revolve around NYC, touching on its early comedy scene, urban planning (e.g., Robert Moses), local establishments, and the unique challenges and character of the city.
• Personal Pet Peeves and Grievances: The hosts and guest bond over shared frustrations with modern life and touring, such as corporate charity requests, tipping culture, tightly tucked-in hotel sheets, and flimsy hotel pillows.
• Sober Living: Greg Fitzsimmons's 35 years of sobriety is mentioned and discussed, particularly in the context of the older Boston comedy scene.
• Dark and Controversial Humor: The comedians engage in dark humor, making jokes about sensitive topics like DUIs, the alleged suicide of a comedy writer (Doug Kenny), and controversial political figures and events.